Reconnecting with dad
I met up with my dad after for dinner on Saturday. It went really well. He aged very well! He also semmed a lot happier than what I remembered growing up.
When he saw me, he sprung from his seat and tackled me in an embrace. I haven't had a hug like that in 8 years. Dinner went really well, he talked about having opened up a restuarant a while back and it's doing well- he always did make a good meal. We just talked for 3 hours. He said that we was proud of me for having accomplished so much at such a young age (26 ; I'm a pharmaicst and having 3 pharmacies). We talked about my fiancee and how I met him, and what it's like for me becoming a future stepparent. I have to say, he seemed very interested on getting to know me again. I had a really good time with him. I did let him know that i was only interested in getting to know him. Me totally understood where i was coming from.
My older step brother is in jail for assault and my 18 year old half sister is in rehab for her cocaine addiction. I don't really want them in my life. With being a pharmaicst and a business owner, I'm not really comfortable with my half sister being around. It's just a risk that I'm not willing to take. My dad told me that once she's out of rehab, she's going to move in with her mother's sister(deceased stepmothers sister). As for my stepbrother, once he's out of prison, dad said that he's giving him his inheritance from my stepmother then he's done. I wish them both luck in life, but I'm not intersted in having a relationship with them and my dad understood this and agreed with me.
After dinner, I walked him to his car and he broke down and just started apologizing again for not sticking up for me to my stepmother when I was a teenager. What really got me, was when he grapped my hands and covered his face and cried into my hands. No one wants to see there parents like that. At the end of the day , He's my dad. I told him I forgive him ans just want to focus on just getting to know each other again. The past is in the past, let's not let it dictate our future. I was also in tears, but it was a very touching moment.
I'm seeing my dad for lunch on Wednesday.
Here's my little update. Hope everyone is having a good evening.
Take care,
Collin
Amazing, good for you
Thanks for the update, was hoping it would go okay meeting with your dad after so long. Your instincts about step-bro and half-sister are spot-on - you need to remain totally independent of those two not only for general-purpose sanity, but also to protect your livelihood. It sounds like you handled this reconnection dinner really well.
I would remind you to remain cautious as you go, stay alert and listen to your gut instincts on what you observe and hear instead of ignoring or minimizing. The crying into your hands is odd to me; maybe just an awkward moment of true grief but maybe emotional manipulation? I am not trying to insult your dad, just noting that was an odd moment. The holidays are coming up, you're engaged, and you just reconnected with your dad - that is a lot of stuff all at once (in addition to the rest of life!) on your plate.
Happy for you that your dad apologized, seems happy & aging well, and that you forgive him. That was a beautiful thing to read, especially since it closed a painful chapter in your life before you marry and start the next phase of your life. Like, the time for the old wound to heal finally arrived, and your marriage can begin without that old unfinished business.
Good for you for giving your
Good for you for giving your father a chance. It sounds to me like he got caught up in an abusive relationship with your stepmother and as is often the case, pushed family (you) away to keep the peace with her. He can probably see it more clearly now and genuinely feels bad about it (as he did then, but in the past, keeping the peace with her was his main concern as a survival mechanism). The fact that her two children turned out so poorly makes me think even more that she was a toxic person.
This may sound nuts, but he may have done you a favor by keeping her out of your life. I hope you both can heal and move forward.
I'm glad it went well. One
I'm glad it went well. One step at a time, that's all you can do.
And definitely keep the step brother and half sister our of your life. No good can come from those reunions.
Awww
Thank you for sharing!
Awesome!
I am so glad you have reconnected. I always try to keep in mind that in the long run, we are all humans who make mistakes. some large, some small, but we all do it. I think the most important thing is to just keep building on the relationship with your father and forging ahead in life. Take what you have learned along the way and teach others who may be struggling.
Well this story seriously
Well this story seriously made my day.
Totally the right approach as well... and what is of main importance is just getting to know your dad again. The other people aren’t relevant to your story.
I am very happy for both you and your dad!! You know what would be cool? If you ever had the time to maybe start a personal blog about your story!! It could help you along your journey to healing.... and could be inspirational for others going through similar... you could touch a lot of lives! Xo