Resenting stepchildren and feeling terrible about it!!!
My husband has two young children from a previous marriage. His ex moved them out west (She is mormon.) when she met a young missionary at her church while my husband was deployed and couldn't do anything about it. Now to see them costs at least 2500 dollars a pop in just plane tickets!!! We pay out 1000 dollars a month in child support, pay all medical/dental costs, for all their clothes, and any little activity that they want to do. This is the third lawsuit that we have had with her in a couple of years so that is at least 10,000 dollars in legal fees. We are not rich by any means and are treated as so. We are pretty much living off of our savings and barely make ends meet. His ex is the exwife from hell. She lied about getting remarried so she could continue to receive alimony when she married her 21 year old boyfriend ( They call him Dad now and usually call my husband by his first name.).
So now the boys are here visiting for two weeks and I am fuming over their dingy underwear. The woman won't even buy them underpants! Half the time they are asking for us to buy them stuff and the other they are complaining about wanting to watch t.v. We recently had a baby together and the oldest is sick and constantly coughs in her face even after being told repeatedly to cover his mouth. If she gets sick I am staying at my moms till they leave. He is old enough to know better and I will not treat him like a baby.I feel terrible. I know I shouldn't get upset with the boys. I am secretly fuming, would never be mean to them. I am mad at their mom and need to try and enjoy them while they are here. I got myself into this situation but man I now realize how hard it is to be a stepmom!
It is more than "hard" to be
It is more than "hard" to be a stepmom. Some days I feel it's near impossible. I feel resentment toward my 7 year old SS everyday and he lives full time with BF and I. Today I have had an incredibly bad day myself. I don't have any advice for you, but wanted you to know, you are not alone in your frustrations.
Wow. Bm are so...awesome
Wow. Bm are so...awesome arent they. As far as the oldest, what does dh say about coughing in baby's face? I feel you on the child support and travel expenses. Its hard, my dh is unemployed right now and im paying it, it sucks when the kids come here and want every expensive toy on the market, need new clothes, shoes, everything and you cant help but wonder what the child support goes to. Id say it gets better....but in my experience that would be a lie. I just had to change my perspective, not to say i dont get pissed when she tells the kids "daddy and hammie will buy you that".
I feel for you.
Oh yea Hammie, very awesome.
Oh yea Hammie, very awesome. lol. I got on to the oldest today about coughing (for the 10,000 time.) and my husband told me I needed to chill out in front of him.I was firm but by no means harsh. It made me feel under-minded and I don't want the oldest to think it is ok. My daughter is 7 months and still nurses but doesn't have my immunity anymore now that she is older. My husband did apologize but it still was wrong to give the kid the impression that it is ok to disrespect me like that. ughh...
The most mind blowing moment was when my husband's ex pretty much said we needed to support her husband because he kept getting fired for being late to his job. She always says the whole "for the kids" line but the kids never see the support!!! She has a degree but won't even try to use it. I am so sick of her self entitlement!!!
I have complete resentment
I have complete resentment for my SD8, in fact after today's stunts I am not sure I can continue my relationship. However, I am pregnant, have 3 kids of my own and no job. (I am a stay at home mom) My options are pretty much welfare and section 8. That life would suck too, so I guess I just have to suck it up for everyone else in the house and be silently miserable.
I understand the entitlement,
I understand the entitlement, my bm is a stay at home mom....not. more like screw anything that moves. I play nice for the skds hubby needs to understand your point of view, my skids came infested with fleas, yes fleas not lice, but theyre constantly, more sd than ss, hostile towards bds. Hubby has to get with the program and teach skids some manners like cover your mouth when you cough.
Eta: i have nothing against stay at home moms except when their kids miss school constantly because mommy was sick aka hungover. It is a hard job and i do respect those who do it well.
Woa!? Fleas? Yeah, there is
Woa!? Fleas? Yeah, there is nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom. The reason why I get so ill with my husband's ex is because she is thinking she should still have the same lifestyle that she had when she was married to my husband. No, no, no... she is remarried and moved the kids over 40 hrs away. She has a degree and could at least try to find a better job. She refuses and continues to blame my husband because she is having a hard time. Why is it guys that we are supposed to be so sensitive to their situation and how they are having a hard time?? Would they do that for us??? I bet across the board for a no. Due to the lovely sequester my husband was layed off from the military and is now making 20,000 less a year. I am not going to go without because that woman can't get her crap together. The kids get soooo much from us. What does she do though??? Most of the time she returns the clothes and toys for cash. She feels no responsibility financially for the kids and I am so sick of it. I am hoping that this lawsuit that we are in with her is the last one for a long time. I mean come on... the woman got 23,000 dollars from us last year and she can't buy the boys underwear! Ughhhh....
Don't feel bad! It is very
Don't feel bad! It is very hard to be a SM. I have twin SS7 and I went through the same thing as you as far as recently having a child and the one would constantly cough in the baby's face even after I tell him to cover his mouth and would also pat my newborn very hard on his head. I knew they were excited for a baby in the house, but me constantly having to repeat to them not to PURPOSELY cough in the babys face and stop HITTING (ok patting Very hard) my baby on the head was so frustrating. My sk's live with us Full Time. Their mother lives 10 minutes away from us and barely calls them. She gets them holidays, spring break and 6-8 weeks during the summer. They are leaving this weekend to go with her for the summer and I can't wait. She wanted them to live with DH to work on their "behavior". I'm still waiting for DH to "work" on their behavior. It's very hard, but somehow you just tell yourself
it is liveable for now. OR (B) how much longer can I take this... I do alot for the boys and I am never mean to them, but recently I am wondering about starting to disengage again. That makes my DH upset though...