Ridiculous Situation.
My DH dated a nutjob in Jan 2011. She said she cheaed on him. He broke up with her. Then she said she was carrying his child. He tried to be involved, but she shut him out and then he met and started dating me.
He was then served restraining order papers. When he went to court, he asked about the pregnancy. The juge asked her about the father, and Crazyexgrilfriend said DH wasn't responsible for the baby.
We married in Dec 2011.
DH and I received a FB message from Ex this week saying He owes her child support and the state is coming after him as soon as the restraing order is up - this week.
We're ordering a paternity test and if it is his son, I know theres going to be a mess. I'm just looking for advice! ANY kind of advise.
I feel like my life is just turned over!
Sorry!! YIKES. Advice in
Sorry!!
YIKES.
Advice in hindsight...wear a rubber! Or three!! Or better yet, don't have casual sex!
Other than that... I'd suggest more than anything that you work on strengthening your marriage in every way possible. It may very well meet its first test of fortitude.
Oh I am aware of that! The
Oh I am aware of that! The reason the child support would be filed is her, not the state. She's an airhead. Im ready for children and he's not, so we don't have any, but I know he will be in the child's life.Im just nervous emotionally. Financially and marriage wise, were strong, but he wants nothing to do with her, but I know he will take responsibility for him.
No, the state can come after
No, the state can come after him. If she is on welfare or state aid of any kind, the state can and will go after the father for child support.
If it comes back the child is
If it comes back the child is his, get a good strong parenting plan.
BM is looking like she may break having to pay for her half of mediation and agree to SO's detailed and very fair joint plan. We did it all using the things others wish they had put in theirs from here it was really super helpful.
At least he has some right to
At least he has some right to see his child then.BM can't keep the child away from him and at the same time demand CS.But I can imagine that this is very stressful.
Lacking a court order he owes
Lacking a court order he owes her nothing and the state doesn't initiate anything of the sort. She is indeed whacko and obviously you'll insist on a DNA test.
He should have an attorney write a letter demanding that she produce the kid for a test immediately. It may be all it takes to scare her off. There is a good chance that the guy who impregnated her is now sick of the situation and left her. Now she's after her second choice. Unfortunately she may have no idea of who the father is.
Don't marry or have any children with the poor fellow until you've sorted this out. Poke around this site to see what may be in your future if he is indeed the father. Be very sure you want to subject yourself to this situation knowing full well that taking care of her kid on weekends and fighting off her whacky incursions into your life for the next 20 years is something you really are looking forward to.
Plus the kid may be as whacky as she is and remember bio-mothers can die or otherwise become unable to care for their children. This one sounds like a likely candidate for the funny farm. If something happens guess who Daddy is going to turn to for a new mother? Remember he stuck it in her without birth control not you. There is no reason for you to pay for this mistake and pay you will both financially and emotionally. Probably to the point where you'll sicken of it also. Unfortunately you may have children by then who now will be the product of a broken home. Do you want that for your children?
So my advise in a nutshell. Wait for the DNA test - no kids no marriage until that's settled. If he's Daddy run like hells demons are after you. Because they are.
Unfortunately they already
Unfortunately they already are married, but had they not been, I would have offered the exact same advice as you.
Something sounds fishy to me about the whole thing.
I was in your shoes for a bit, OP, where DH had to get a court order to get a DNA test (she was living with and cheating on her partner--of nine years who was going to propose to her but she decided to double dip and fell obsessively in love with DH) because even though she claimed it was his "How dare you, you are insinuating that I am a lying cheating ho-bag, which I am not" (her words, not ours) and "How can you doubt after seeing the pictures?"
She fled the state 6 months prego, said she's been advised not to come back to NY, so it took over a year to get the CO done, she would refuse everything at every turn.
I originally told him I'd leave if the paternity test proved positive, since I didn't think I'd want to be involved. He never tried to stop doing the right thing, but he also showed himself to put me as his priority. That's why I'm still here. I laid everything out clearly, what I was afraid of (which were the same things he was afraid of) and it was up to him to find the solution to them, which he did.
To this day, we are not very involved, he's just a walking ATM machine. He straight up wracked up 12k in credit card debt, depleted his savings for the legal fight, AND STILL OWED HIS ATTORNEY 4k, which just came out to a CO about CS. Had he pursued visitation likely it would have dragged on longer--not like he can because he has no money to fly out there and stay, so it would have hurt him in the long run. (Although Bm did say, if he can make it out there 10 times a year for the first 3 years for day time visitation, she'll consider letting him have overnights. Yeah, sure. What job do you think this government employee has that can allow him 5k a year just to travel? He can barely feed himself--so I pay for all groceries--after CS rams him in the ass every month. What snowflake did you fall off of, lady?)
Thanks all. I promised
Thanks all.
I promised forever in my vows and I mean it. My DH is a great man and I'm not letting him go. I've known about the potential child since we started dating, its not a surprise, just that she lies about it. Our marriage is strong and I think she wants to tear it down.---that wont happen.
Y'all just confirmed my thoughts about the situation. We're talking to an attourney tomorrow to beat her to the punch. If the child is his, we'll just have to accept it. Although its a big thing, I know my husband will take responsibility.
I am the child of a broken home and his father died when he was 1 year. We both know the childs needs are important, even if his mother is a whacko. I think we can handle that part, I just don't know about the BM. The restraining order was BS in the first place. We think she is looking for ties to him. Its so complicated and intertwined Its so hard for me to explain lol.
But thanks.