SD9 had her bra all kinds of showing this morning... but I am not getting involved.
SD9 came back from her summer visiting mil with training bras. She hasn't started developing yet at all. Mil had asked Dh months prior if she could buy her bras, and after asking me if she was developing breast, he told her no that she didn't need them yet. Well, while she was up there mil called Dh again and he told her she could get the bras. I only found out about this as I was unpacking and putting sds clothes away. She got TEN sparkly, lacey bras. I was completely cut out of the decision making process.
Mil also bought SD an entire new wardrobe. The three weeks worth of clothes I sent up with her were throw out and replaced with what mil bought her. About 70% of the tops are, in my opinion, not appropriate for a nine yr old. It's all very revealing,skimpy low cut. 90% of it is halter tops, tube top, or spagetti strap (its gonna suck for SD come fall when she doesn't have anything with a sleeve to wear).
SD must have found the bras in her drawer this morning, its the first time she's put one on since she's been back. It was all kinds of hanging out. She put on a halter top to go to daycare today, so the straps were exposed. The front of the bra was visible (that tells you how low cut and skimpy this shirt is) and the back of the bra was completely visible. The short was so low cut in the back that the bra, top to bottom,was completely uncovered. She looked like a little hoochie.
I only noticed this as we were getting into the car to go to daycare. I debated what to do/say all the way there. I decided to say nothing. I was not included in the decision to give her these bras, that was all mil and Dh. Since my opinion didn't count at devising time, I am NOT going to take on the responsibilty of making sure she uses them appropriately. If it was up to me,they should be taken away until she starts developing. Dh let her get them, he can deal with it. I have enough issues with this kid, I am not adding another daily battle.
Mil lives in another state
Mil lives in another state (plane ride away) and the skids only visit her twice a year.
The problem is that Dh ok'd the bras, so I can't take them away. So I will just prentend I did.t see it.
OMG! I am a big "no bra
OMG! I am a big "no bra showing" person. I had to train my husband's eyes to notice. He never even noticed when she had a boob hanging out, I had to tell him!
Good for you for not getting involved, it is better that way. I got involved and it was a mistake.
Oh, I also have a problem with "strap on boob" bras, as I like to call them. You know the ones with so much push up that it makes flat chested girls look like they have boobs. I don't think young girls should be so obsessed with their bodies, nor flaunting them at boys when the boobs are just developing.
I am. Huge no-bra-showing
I am. Huge no-bra-showing person too. It's so trashy to have your bra all hanging out.
And I completely agree about kids this young shouldn't be flaunting their bodies, or even thinking about that kind of thing. At 9 years old, I am trying to teach SD about cleanliness and healthy eating and self respect. And mil gives her lacy sparkely bras so she can he "sexy" and grown up.
Just keep repeating not my kid..... Not my kid.... Not my kid...
Unfortunately I think it will
Unfortunately I think it will go the other way. That she will get a lot of attention for it and all the other little girls will be jealous that she was the first to get a bra. She's a total attention whore so she will eat it up as each of the kids at the daycare notice.
I wouldn't be suprised if she has it all hanging out on purpose so that she can rub it in her friends faces.
OT but I have to ask as I
OT but I have to ask as I keep seeing it on this site - WTF is a "wifebeater?"
Doesn't sound good whatever the heck it is LOL
On topic now, my 9yo has come little crop singlets to wear under some of her tops that I feel are a bit thin fabric wise IYKWIM? But they are NOT bra-like at all.
Of course she would love a pretty lace bra like her big sisters wear, but she knows that you don't get those until you get the stuff to go IN them (actually, she won't be getting the fancy ones til she has her own job and money like the big sisters, mummy buys the plain ones LOL - not for me - for developing teenagers... yikes)
It's like a really long tank
It's like a really long tank top. As to why they call it a 'wife beater', I have no clue. LOL
It comes from the movie "A
It comes from the movie "A Streetcar Named Desire". Marlon Brando's character wore a tank top during most of the movie and he was a drunk and a slob who beat his wife.
Agree don't get involved. I
Agree don't get involved. I told SD one time that if she wore the top to school they would think she was a slut. My mistake. Later it was twisted that I called her a slut. Bit me in ass and thankfully, she is now a tramp and at least she is not living here anymore.
Ah, yes, don't get involved.
Ah, yes, don't get involved. What is it with these women trying to get this girls to grow up faster than they are ready to? I remember loser coming over with bras too...funny, the underwear were WAY TOO SMALL...ie. she had a huge butt and was 9 but the underwear were size 5 or something...but then BM got her bras...Well, the result is always what makes me crack up. She wanted her to grow up, she got it. Told us it was none of our business, now DEAL WITH IT. Loser, almost 18, two kids, high school dropout and no girlfriends as most think she's a HO...hmmm...Great job BM...great job!
Anyway, yes, stay out of it. Let HIM deal with it. If anyone makes a comment, let them know "she's not your kid, you had no say". Period.
I have this little inkling
I have this little inkling fear that the daycare will say something when I pick them up (our daycare owner is a no-nonsense mind of lady) and that's exactly what I am going to say. Not my kid, not my decision, ill pass it along to dad.
I "burned my bra" , years and
I "burned my bra" , years and years ago. JK
I know that you do not want to get involved but, I will tell you that I had already started my period and was in "training" as well, by 9. I remember my GODMOTHER (rip), taught me how to wear deoderant and put on my training bra, in the correct way, NOT my mom, my dad was absent.
I STILL remember her help, is all I am saying. The little girl doesn't know better, look at her poor "examples." (not you, at all, BTW)
What if she were just some other "random" lost girl, you know?
I knew it. She was flashing
I knew it. She was flashing the bra at daycare. Got spoken to when I went to pick her up. So pissed right now. Tired of being embarassed by these skids.
I understand you don't want
I understand you don't want to get involved, but if a child is making me look bad and embarrassing me, it is time to get involved.
Time to turn it over to
Time to turn it over to dad...
Spoke to Dh on the phone, he
Spoke to Dh on the phone, he doesn't think its a big deal. I am at a loss for words right now.
He asked if it was boys or girls she was flashing. I dunno I didn't ask who. Well, she was probably just excited and she has to wear a bra eventually anyways.
My SD12 started wearing bras
My SD12 started wearing bras when she was 9. I was actually planning on taking her to VS for a little shopping spree, but BM beat me to it. My reasoning? She started her period at age 9, which to me seems a little young, and I figure if she's dealing with the inconvenience of being a woman, she could enjoy some frilly dainties. I wouldn't approve of her flashing her bras, no no no, but I don't care how risky or scandalous her underwear is, as long as it's functional. Being a girl is hard, periods suck, pretty bras are a thing that always made me feel better about myself, even with cramps and pimples and feeling yucky.
Take them away for a few days and let her know that she's not allowed to flash anyone with her bra, with maybe an exception for showing her girlfriends, in private.
I love it - bras and daycare
I love it - bras and daycare in the same sentence. MIL is well involved in the sexualizing of our children then will wonder why girls get pregnant in junion high.
You did the right thing - let Dad take a look at her tonight. Do not hide any bras. If Dad doesn't say/do anything discuss it in private if you wish then back up whatever decision he makes. That's how you practice disengaging.
You're on the right track.
LMAO - yes I had the same
LMAO - yes I had the same thought!! NO-one still in day care should be wearing a bra - too funny (apart from the carers...)
Woah, I can totally see my
Woah, I can totally see my SDalmost7 doing this. She wore clothing under her school clothes all last year to "impress" her friends. Unfortunately, she is the kid everyone paid attention to and thought was cool. I wish they'd made remarks about how slutty she was being. I would definitely take away the bras and whack DH upside the head for thinking this is appropriate behavior for a little girl. Ugh.
You know, I would be as
You know, I would be as pissed about the MIL throwing away her perfectly good clothes. Email her and say thanks for the new stuff you bought, but would you mind posting back her other clothes as we feel they are more suitable for daycare and would like to keep the stuff you bought for special!