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Senior lazy step child wants to go back to mom BC im too demanding!

Betrayd's picture

Submitted by Betrayd on Tue, 01/20/2015 - 11:05pm

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I'm new to this site but could really use the advice. My hubbie's son chose to live here his senior year. After six months he wants to go home asap BC he says it all comes down to me...I'm too demanding! Yes I call him out nicely when he doesn't pack a lunch or eat breakfast (no food all day), or doesn't do his one chore of taking out the trash. Oh, and I ask when his 18 year old self will GET HIS LEARNERS PERMIT!?!?? Omg how is that so horrible? I've tired to do everything for him including his laundry but I'm just too demanding! He just sits in his room on his iPhone all day with the door locked! Oh, failing classes too and lying about it.

Hubby knows he's lazy beyond belief but it still hurts. Anyone else in my shoes? Oh, plus mom refuses to pay child support and wants arrears my ex doesn't owe but she won't recognize BC it was paid off the books...and she wants the money WHILE HE'S LIVING HERE!!! FML

Betrayd's picture

Submitted by Betrayd on Tue, 01/20/2015 - 11:52pm

Thanks! I'm totally over extended and worn out!!! I tried so hard and did so much and all I got was the bad end of it all.

That's what I told DH tonight. I'm not doing another damn thing for his kid including getting on his butt for his lazy crap. I'm not teaching him how to drive in my car, taking him places, not one damn thing. I'm just going to be like whatever....oh your little dog crapped in the house BC you didn't take it out again... Yep that's pooop on the floor honey, don't step in it. Oh his bedroom smells and has ants, oh well. Failing...not my problem. Guess you should have gone to the free tutoring I offered to take you to. But I will do it all with kindness even though I just want to freaking explode!!!

I'm so new to this step parent stuff I feel like I'm just losing my mind every day more and more. This is a child but I really just hate this person in my house in every way possible...how sad is that!?!?

Indigo's picture

Submitted by Indigo on Tue, 01/20/2015 - 11:56pm

LOL. I'll bet there are a number of SM's who will line up to take your course of instruction: "How to get selfish, self-absorbed teen to move to the other house."

Betrayd's picture

Submitted by Betrayd on Wed, 01/21/2015 - 12:52am

I confronted DH and told him no more discipline from me. You're right, I shouldn't be in that role. He totally flipped out and was like well then we just leave him alone until he leaves in May after graduation. I told him he's freaking stupid if he thinks that's a reality. Hard to believe our lives were so great before SS got here!

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 01/21/2015 - 5:30am

Off the books CS payments ... stupid, stupid move. Better to not pay at all than to pay off of the books and have the toxic opposition screw you out of double paying when they drag you to court.

He may have paid, but your DH does owe that money because the courts have no way of knowing if he paid or not. He needs to bend over because the screwing will come when BM initiates a court action.

As for BM paying CS, of course she does not want to pay and she does not have to pay. Until your DH gets off his ass and drags her to court. I suggest he takes the initiative and initiates CS against BM while SS is resident in your home before she goes after him for the arrears. A CS order against her may offset at least some of the arrears.

IMHO of course.

Good luck.

Betrayd's picture

Submitted by Betrayd on Wed, 01/21/2015 - 8:19am

Oh wow thank you guys so much! This is the first time in six months I havent felt like there was something seriously wrong with me for all of this. I wish I would have found this site earlier! You guys are great and so dead on with everything you said. It's so nice to know I'm not the only one who's been through this. I was starting to feel so hopeless.

Yes DH was so stupid about the CS. He has receipts and she agreed to let them know it was paid but now she's calling it her "bonus" for raising them on her own!!!

MamaBass's picture

Submitted by MamaBass on Wed, 01/21/2015 - 6:18pm

Ha! SS16 tried pulling the same shit here and BM kept putting hot lunch money in his account because he wouldn't pack a lunch at our house because he was laaaaazy. Then she brought it up in court and wanted DH to pay for 1/2 of it. He already pays thousands in CS and she wants him to pay for 1/2 of hot lunch even when SS is with her?!? Double dip much?

Don't worry, judge told DH he had to pay it. Gotta love the enabling court system we have!

First of all- let him go home!!! You are luckier than a majority of the women on here who don't have that option!
Second- You are way nicer than me. I won't do laundry, clean up after them or cook anymore when they're over- that's all DH.
Suck it skids!

Betrayd's picture

Submitted by Betrayd on Wed, 01/21/2015 - 9:59pm

Yeah the best part is he is now stirring shit up with his BM trying to get back on her side before he goes home. DH and I agreed we both want him gone now but with his crap grades he'd fail his senior year if he moved now and there is no way in hell either of is is being held responsible for that long term!

Betrayd's picture

Submitted by Betrayd on Thu, 01/22/2015 - 9:31am

You're absolutely right. I should be flipping celebrating instead of beating myself up that I couldn't change 18 years of psycho BM training in my short six months! So woot! Party time it is!!!

butterflybloom's picture

Submitted by butterflybloom on Thu, 01/22/2015 - 9:53am

Let him go! it will be better for you and your marriage. When my SS was home (DH away) my SS wouldn't even mow the lawn, trash, nothing...just like your SS. Let him move out. He is doing you a favor or not kicking him out!