I spoke (well a little more than spoke) with SO tonight about SD and my goodness you would of thought I just killed her or something... 

I tried to talk to him about how WE have to change (yeah I know) and that we need to get on the same page and stick to a plan so that we can get her, as well as our, life on track. All I was trying to suggest was that we try something OTHER than talking to her for discipline. I don't dicipline, I leave that for him... that is until this evening... He proceeded to tell me that talking to her is all he can do. That after 50,000 conversations about the EXACT SAME TYPE OF THINGS happening repeatedly, she should know right from wrong and that what she's doing is wrong and hurting people. He said thats all he can do is just talk to her.. That if he doesn't catch her in the act there is nothing he can do to correct her... he also told me that none of its his fault. This is just the basics. The conversation contradicted its self repeatedly. He said he has a big influence on her, then he doesn't because he doesn't have her full time. He said the way she is is her mothers fault there for she should fix it (stealing) just to turn around and say he's taught her better than that and she should be modeling him. I told him I think he doesnt want to be bothered with any of it because he either doesn't want to be the bad guy, doesn't want to see it or doesn't want to take responsibility for her. This of course was a high volume conversation. And he blew his top. I probably shouldn't of said what I did but at the same time if I don't who will? It might be difficult for him to grasp but he's failing her and he doesn't even see it....

So update on how things have been since the last post, that led to this conversation being had. 

A couple weekends ago, after her telling me she wants me dead and then us not even looking at each other the weekend following that, we had a really good weekend. Everything went fine. We went to a friend's for a bit to get her out of the house, we had a good time and then on the way home she apologized to me for everything that had happened in the past and said she wanted to start over.... wow! Awesome! I'm sorry too, I'm happy you said that because I want nothing more. Things were great. She went home that Sunday and all was good... and then last weekend. Remember I told you guys that things are usually good for a weekend after HUGE meltdowns just for them to go sour again the following? Yeah, well that. 

She had brought the cell phone over that her mom had given her to play with (Not activated except for wifi). Shes been stuck on that tick toc app thing. She hasn't been going to bed when we go to bed on the weekends. Its like she waits till we go to sleep and then becomes a grown woman. We found these videos on that app of her in teeny tiny little shorts, sports bras or EXTREMELY sort cut "belly shirts" she calls them. That alone is a no no. 9 years old and your dancing around half naked in the middle of the night, posting it online for lord knows who to see? Nope. Not happening. Atleast not for me. Dad didn't like it either but didn't say too awful much other than "not happening" (even though he won't let me wear anything remotely like that as an adult. When asked why he controls what I do instead of his daughter, because he throws a fit if I'm on my phone or computer or if I leave without him, he told me that he doesnt have to worry about his daughter cheating on him... must not have to worry about her becoming a teen mom or juvenile delinquent either) Not to mention some of the shirts she had cut up werent hers. She had gotten into my clothes and cut them up to the point where I cant save them. They were cut so short I'd have to be in a pornstar to ever wear them again.. Shes had a MAJOR problem stealing my things. Shes even gone into storage (we have one at the house) and gone through boxes of my things and taken whatever she pleases. I understand kids do that but it happened multiple times, each time she's told if its not yours you don't take it, how would you feel if someone took your stuff, yadda yadda yadda. Same talk different day. This has gone on since I moved in. Well she's never destroyed my things until now.... that I know of. But the biggest issues was when she was caught she tried to lie her way put of it. Telling him anything from she found it in her room (not likely, I literally just washed it and I know where my stuff goes) she told him she did it weeks prior (like I said, just washed it) she told him whatever she thought would get her out of trouble. He believed every word she said until he came back and talked to me and I told him exactly where I had it, so on and so forth. He went back and told her that she needed to apologize, just like that, not mean hateful or rude to her, and she lost her freaking mind. She told him that if he made her he didn't care about her, she (me) just wants to make you think im a lair and a thief, she wants me gone, you can take your little girl friends side, getting to a point where she was packing her stuff to go to her moms because she was never coming back here again. All over a damn apology! The thing is she has BEEN stealing. For a LONG time. And not just from me. We caught her red handed with her friends things that they were looking for. Shes told us friends have given her things that it turns out later had disappeared while she spent the night. Shes been caught stealing from stores, with me even. I made her take it back in and hand it to the clerk and vowed never to take her with me again, which I've held true too. Now all this happens, she leaves because her dad is "taking my side" and not believing her? So this last Tuesday we got a call from her schools pta... they've never called us for anything because BM doesn't want them too. Apparently SD had put SO phone # on a sign out form for worlds finest chocolate candy bar sales and checked out a 60 dollar box of chocolate. This was a fund raiser for the school. She had brought it over back in March with 2 candies left in it, 3 days before it had to go back, with nothing but 17 dollars. She told her dad she ate some and gave them away. WE, and I say we because it was my money, gave her what she needed to even it out so she could turn the money in that Monday. She told us at that point that the school GAVE her the chocolate and that the money was hers to keep. We and she knew better than that because #1 we sold it while we were in school also and #2 they have a school assembly before they hand out the candy detailing instructions, they get a form that goes home with the box that tells them when the money and extra candy has to be turned in and they are reminded daily on announcements when to turn it in. So anyway she tells us its hers to keep to which her dad said no. You HAVE to turn it in or you're stealing it. He made her promise to turn it in to which she reluctantly agreed and promised. Now that was two months ago. They called us Tuesday and said they never got the money. They said we have to bring them the money and/or any unused chocolate when we drop off the tablets. I about lost my mind. I KNOW she put his number down because she knew they would call and if they called her grandma her grandma would be furious, dad would just tell her it was wrong and that it would be it. The thing is we asked her a week later if she turned it in and she told us she did. All this mess after the stealing AGAIN of my stuff this last weekend. I refuse to pay them a dime. I feel like even at 9 years old, she took it she should be the one to figure out how to get it back. Maybe that's too harsh but I've had ENOUGH. 

This weekend she hasnt called, I feel like she's trying to punish SO over last weekend. She does that when she gets mad, hangs back for a weekend so that he starts to feel bad and then will pop up the next when he's "learned his lesson" and misses her. She has no idea that we know she didn't turn in her money. I also know she will tell SO that BM took it and he will believe her despite everything that shes said and done. But that's another whirl wind. All of this led up to our heated conversation this evening. Currently I'm sitting in the dining room while he sleeps in our room. Im at a loss. Ive seen some things about therapy or counseling but I honestly don't think SO would go. She DEFINITELY needs it but no one is willing to get it done. She had been going but I don't know what happened other than coronavirus. She needs alot more than that though....

I think I've got a future convict on my hands guys...