Me and my partner share all our money, so I guess I kind of help out anyway. But when we were first together I didn't used to help out - only for special occasions, like I would buy all the food to cook them dinner and stuff.
I think it is up to you and how you feel on the day, but in the end it isn't your responsibility.
Difficult and thorny subject, and the cause of many disagreements in my house. Am the SF for 2 SS, ages 8 and 4. My DW is in nursing school and not working. Since we have been married (and even before) I have paid the CS and have had them on my medical insurance. I pretty much pay everything. Our 'money' is mixed. We are non-custodial, and that helps limit the damage to every other weekend; but it is still frustrating for me to have to pay everything, and especially when they tell me the BF says that I can buy them whatever presents and gifts they want. The 8yo said last visit - "where are my presents?" Anyway - I share your frustration. This is an issue that needs to be addressed early and definitively. I think of it as part of loving my wife. Every month I buy her a $400+ bouquet of roses (CS), and another $150+ bouquet of daisies (medical insurance). It does keep me out of the doghouse..... most of the time.....
Difficult and thorny subject, and the cause of many disagreements in my house. Am the SF for 2 SS, ages 8 and 4. My DW is in nursing school and not working. Since we have been married (and even before) I have paid the CS and have had them on my medical insurance. I pretty much pay everything. Our 'money' is mixed. We are non-custodial, and that helps limit the damage to every other weekend; but it is still frustrating for me to have to pay everything, and especially when they tell me the BF says that I can buy them whatever presents and gifts they want. The 8yo said last visit - "where are my presents?" Anyway - I share your frustration. This is an issue that needs to be addressed early and definitively. I think of it as part of loving my wife. Every month I buy her a $400+ bouquet of roses (CS), and another $150+ bouquet of daisies (medical insurance). It does keep me out of the doghouse..... most of the time.....
Before DH and I got married, we had separate finances. I get CS for daughter, DH and his ex settled on no CS order. I make less at my job than DH does, but the CS does even us up a little. Since we got married, I now deposit my payroll into our joint account. Daughter's CS goes into my savings account, which then rolls into my daughters savings account. DH and I discussed the CS I receive and decided that we could afford my daughters needs and that the CS would go into an account to give to her for college needs (we only just started that this year and she is 13). So...since DH and I share the joint account...we both take care of the needs for all 3 kids...no matter what it is. (we also carry the insurance needs for all three kids, but my exH also has insurance on daughter).
The reason I am asking is because my wife does not work and I support her financially along with our 4 year old son (my choice as I am fortunate enough to be able to afford it).
Her ex pays CS evey month and that money gets used totally for the SD's and nobody else. That arrangement is of course fine and even now I am happy to pay for meals when we go out, family holidays (for all of us, not just my wife and son), days out at theme parks etc etc but the problem we may have in a short while is that the DH is now saying he cannot afford to pay the current CS each month (he can but thats another story) and my wife is worried sick that the girls quality of life will change because of it and she will not have enough money for them
Do I step in and make up the difference?
If I am honest I don't want to, I don't feel like I should support them financially, they are not mine and even if I did they would not appreciate it coz the sun totally shines out of their dad's ar*se (I guess thats normal).
I want to spend my own hard earned cash on my wife and son.
They probably have a better lifestyle than my sons coz they get double xmas and birthday presents and get taken out more than any other kids do coz they do fun things at their dads. This is fine of course as its not their fault their parents have split
I think its probably more to do with the other bits that come with looking after kids - clothes, school ski-ing and other trips, going out with friends shopping, cinema etc etc.......
Yes there will have to be cut-backs but that does not stop her worrying about it...
Me and my partner share all
Me and my partner share all our money, so I guess I kind of help out anyway. But when we were first together I didn't used to help out - only for special occasions, like I would buy all the food to cook them dinner and stuff.
I think it is up to you and how you feel on the day, but in the end it isn't your responsibility.
Difficult and thorny subject,
Difficult and thorny subject, and the cause of many disagreements in my house. Am the SF for 2 SS, ages 8 and 4. My DW is in nursing school and not working. Since we have been married (and even before) I have paid the CS and have had them on my medical insurance. I pretty much pay everything. Our 'money' is mixed. We are non-custodial, and that helps limit the damage to every other weekend; but it is still frustrating for me to have to pay everything, and especially when they tell me the BF says that I can buy them whatever presents and gifts they want. The 8yo said last visit - "where are my presents?" Anyway - I share your frustration. This is an issue that needs to be addressed early and definitively. I think of it as part of loving my wife. Every month I buy her a $400+ bouquet of roses (CS), and another $150+ bouquet of daisies (medical insurance). It does keep me out of the doghouse..... most of the time.....
Difficult and thorny subject,
Difficult and thorny subject, and the cause of many disagreements in my house. Am the SF for 2 SS, ages 8 and 4. My DW is in nursing school and not working. Since we have been married (and even before) I have paid the CS and have had them on my medical insurance. I pretty much pay everything. Our 'money' is mixed. We are non-custodial, and that helps limit the damage to every other weekend; but it is still frustrating for me to have to pay everything, and especially when they tell me the BF says that I can buy them whatever presents and gifts they want. The 8yo said last visit - "where are my presents?" Anyway - I share your frustration. This is an issue that needs to be addressed early and definitively. I think of it as part of loving my wife. Every month I buy her a $400+ bouquet of roses (CS), and another $150+ bouquet of daisies (medical insurance). It does keep me out of the doghouse..... most of the time.....
Before DH and I got married,
Before DH and I got married, we had separate finances. I get CS for daughter, DH and his ex settled on no CS order. I make less at my job than DH does, but the CS does even us up a little. Since we got married, I now deposit my payroll into our joint account. Daughter's CS goes into my savings account, which then rolls into my daughters savings account. DH and I discussed the CS I receive and decided that we could afford my daughters needs and that the CS would go into an account to give to her for college needs (we only just started that this year and she is 13). So...since DH and I share the joint account...we both take care of the needs for all 3 kids...no matter what it is. (we also carry the insurance needs for all three kids, but my exH also has insurance on daughter).
The reason I am asking is
The reason I am asking is because my wife does not work and I support her financially along with our 4 year old son (my choice as I am fortunate enough to be able to afford it).
Her ex pays CS evey month and that money gets used totally for the SD's and nobody else. That arrangement is of course fine and even now I am happy to pay for meals when we go out, family holidays (for all of us, not just my wife and son), days out at theme parks etc etc but the problem we may have in a short while is that the DH is now saying he cannot afford to pay the current CS each month (he can but thats another story) and my wife is worried sick that the girls quality of life will change because of it and she will not have enough money for them
Do I step in and make up the difference?
If I am honest I don't want to, I don't feel like I should support them financially, they are not mine and even if I did they would not appreciate it coz the sun totally shines out of their dad's ar*se (I guess thats normal).
I want to spend my own hard earned cash on my wife and son.
They probably have a better
They probably have a better lifestyle than my sons coz they get double xmas and birthday presents and get taken out more than any other kids do coz they do fun things at their dads. This is fine of course as its not their fault their parents have split
I think its probably more to do with the other bits that come with looking after kids - clothes, school ski-ing and other trips, going out with friends shopping, cinema etc etc.......
Yes there will have to be cut-backs but that does not stop her worrying about it...