You can be criminally charged if you allow minors to drink on your property.

I second the opinion that you should have told SD that now there will be no sleepover. Id even go one step further and say that she is no longer allowed to go to any other kids sleep overs either. If that's what's going on at her friends houses, she doesn't need to be there.

Not only would I say no to her having a sleep over, I'd say no to her attending any more.

Yes, Europe has a whole different drinking/smoking standard than the US. So lets put that aside and talk about the rest. You will need to decide what is best for your household and this subject and what laws are in your area.

Yes, I let fsd11 have sleep overs at my house. She has had as few as 2 and as many as 6. My bio has had as many as 30.

So it is what ever is manageable for you and your hubby. Mostly you because they are girls.

No bed time, but always put and early pick up on the invitation, around 10ish. If you don't they will wake up mean and ugly and you don't want teenage morning drama. Make sure you have an even number of girls, if not someone is left out and that level of drama is off the charts. There is always one mean girl, or controlling girl in the group.

Also you always have that one parent that doesn't pick up their kid and you are calling, and calling them. If they drive tell her everyone must be gone by 10 or 11.

Didn't realize how different the laws /culture surrounding alcohol were in the UK. Wow.

Knowing that now, maybe I wouldn't take such a hard nosed approach then. Id probably be very clear that it will not be allowed in your home, and that you will be confirming with their friends parents that alcohol will not be served at any sleep overs she attends. Is include all teen in on this discussion.

Her question doesn't seem as bold and out of line now.

My kids haven't had any sleepovers yet. But when I was younger, it was usually one or maybe two friends that stayed over. The only time it was a bigger group was for our birthdays, thenvit was maybe 6 or 8. But for just a regular sleepover it was usually just one or two friends. We would get to stay up late and the hosting parent usually just bought p,izza and sodas and left us alone.

At 16 with a sleepover I did not have a bedtime. As long as we didn't bother the grown ups we were ok. Alcohol? Um yeah that little girl needs to be schooled real quick. No alcohol isn't allowed. Somebody needs a dose of reality in that house=SD16. For even suggesting something so ridiculous.

Do you allow them, if not, why not?

In my opinion 16 is getting a bit old to have sleepovers; however, on special occasions I would allow it...birthdays is an example.

How many do you allowto stay over at one time ?
Only as many or as few as my brain could handle!

Do you allow alcohol in their room - our teenage girl thinks we should because others do?!!
I would not allow it in their room.

This is a difficult question. When I was 15, I spent New Years Eve at a friend's home. They had a New Years Day family dinner. We were all given champagne. I actually got a little tipsy LOL! For every special occasion from the age of 12 on, my Great Aunt and Grandmother always served a teensy bit of wine with special dinners, e.g. Thanksgiving. I also lived in the UK for some time. There, 16 is an okay age to drink. That would be comparable to 19 year olds here...at least it was at the time I lived there. It was legal to buy cigarettes at the age of 16.

I still would not "allow" it in their rooms. That is a drinking party to me.

It would also depend on the number of people. If there are a couple kids who are given a bit of wine with which to toast because you are having a birthday dinner...I see nothing wrong with it. If there are 15 kids? Ehhhh....not so much I suppose.

In other cultures, and even though I am American...it's still in my family, drinking is not seen as taboo. There can be arguments as to whether treating as such makes things worse or not. My family has no problem with letting children "taste" something. Even the small children who want to try it are allowed to dip their finger in. I promise you, most small children are repulsed by the taste of alcohol...except one of my nieces...she is scary!

I do try to follow the law. I think letting a bunch of kids get pissed at one's house is a bad bad plan. You don't know who you are angering, nor is it respectful of others' wishes. That is more what I would consider. As you can see, you have varying opinions on underage drinking.

Do they have to be asleep by a certain time?

No way in hell could you make them be asleep by a certain time! If you plan on having a big teen sleepover, don't plan on getting much sleep

I don't have any right now (no kids in the house)

But I can tell you what my parents rules for us was growing up--

1. Sleepover at our house only (until we reached age 18 and then we were allowed to stay out all night as long as we told them where we were/were going)--we could stay until about 2 in the morning at our friends homes but never a sleepover. Sleepover at our house only on Friday nights and Saturday nights unless it was a holiday or a vacation. Stayed up as late as we want as long as we didn't make too much noise.
2. No alcohol at our house, but if we went to a friends home and they had alcohol, my parents trusted us with our judgements. If we wanted to drink, that was fine, since they would be picking us up anyway.
3. Ended up never drinking at parties or before because at 17, my parents made me get my license and a car, so I was always designated driver (friends didn't have licenses nor cars.)

Well, we don't do sleepovers here. Maybe down the road when my kids are older, but at the moment I can't handle anymore kids in my house who aren't my own, lol. If I did allow them, I'd probably limit it to 3 or 4 friends. I wouldn't allow alcohol, and I'd say they can stay up as late as they please as long as they aren't keeping everyone in the house awake.

I didn't read all the responses to your question, but I will tell you my policy and why. We have a smallish 3 bedroom house. Up until a couple of years ago, we allowed sleepovers, but SD15 had one at New Year, and she and her little friend (then 13) were sleeping in our living room. THey somehow got hold off illicit alcohol and puked all over the carpet. My mother also happened to be dying in the nursing home that week, so I wasn't terribly impressed with their behaviour.

Since then, I am very reluctant to allow any sleepovers. I used to with my bio daughters, but they were not too badly behaved, and anyway, sleepovers shouldn't be still happening at 16, IMO, they are for younger kids. I occasionally give in to a sleepover, but it is only one friend, and they have to stay in SD15's room. SD16 virtually never asks. I just find it too stressful.

We base how much the kids do on how good they were that week...attitudes, grades, etc......DH doesn't like any of BD friends but loves SD'S.......go figure. He lets SD have as many as she wants in the end. I don't really mind it; weekends are for having fun - good, clean fun.....no drinking!! (It is every where though) no way! A lot of sleepovers, like every single weekend does get a little over the top. BD typically stays at peoples houses - I don't blame her. SD and her friends are sort of annoying.

Im against kids drinking....bc the statistics show that parents who give their underage kids liquor end up with kids that are alcoholics...A senior high court judge told me this...

2nd reason to not give kids drink

It kills the braincells in their developing brain and will affect the way their brains grow....therefore, they can turn out always looking and acting a bit drunk for the rest of their lives...go to any aboriginal reserve to see these very real affects.

3rd reason...

Have you been around kids that drink? These days they go absolutely crazy and you will not be able to control one drunken child...let alone 2 or 3....they throw up, they become loud, start hitting each other, having sex with each other, run off to other places, break things, as their maturity is not there, neither is an adults...but kids on drink...geez...dont go there....

you may have had slushies back in the old day....these days they sneak into pill parties....they dont need drink....or youll be dealing with a mess you really wish you didnt have to clean up....

Unbelievable what kids expect these days...or to be more specific, what SOME kids expect. Kids who expect to be supplied alcohol in their rooms have no boundaries. I know because I'm living with boundary-less step-children. The sixteen year old recently spent a night with her 80 year old grandfather, a wonderful man, and proceeded to drink her way through his cask of wine in the middle of the night. She vomited from one end of his rented house to the other, and poor old granddad was up at 2.00am cleaning it up. For shame.

She was given a sound 'talking to' by her father, who simply talks to her way too much but has never applied appropriate logical and natural consequences. As a result, all she hears is, 'Blah, blah, blah'...sheds a few crocodile tears and goes on her merry way, having learnt nothing.

Her latest demand is that she be allowed to have her boyfriend over at our house so she gets the chance to 'do it', (her words, not mine...I was shocked), and she purposely came to me to try to get me on side after she'd had a 'no' from her father. I asked her to let me think things through and I'd speak to her the next day (so I could have enough private time with her dad to ensure we were united in our stand). However, she began to 'railroad' us while I was serving up dinner, becoming angry, extremely nasty and abusive. This, of course, was directed at me. I tried so hard to keep calm and outlined some very good reasons why I wasn't in favour of the idea. The abuse continued. I still feel shattered.

Her father took her for a long, loving walk today to have another 'talk' with her. Still no consequences. No wonder she can manipulate him the way she does. And he didn't remonstrate with her for the incredible disrespect she showed me, even when I managed to keep my own temper under control. So disappointed. He just believes every little 'promise' all over again.

But you know, I've hijacked your thread. So sorry. Good luck with setting boundaries and limits in your own situation...and know that there are others like me who understand and empathize bigtime!

My parent's attitude as far as drinking went was it's fine to have a taste of whatever. We also had "slushies" at our extended-family Chrsistmas get togethers. They were age-appropriately diluted. My mom would have the occasional glass of wine at dinner, my dad would have a beer after work. As I got older (late teens) my dad would tell me that he felt he would be hypocritical to tell me not to drink as he was drinking at 16. He always told me to be careful, moderation, that sort of thing. I believe my parents' "casual" attitude towards drinking led me to not be all that interested in it. I have never been one to over-indulge. I did once and didn't like the "floaty" feeling in my head. I'll have a drink or two here and there, maybe a few on a night out, but I always know what my limit is and when it's approaching.
As far as sleepovers go, my parents were very casual toward that too, particularly as I got older. When I had them, I'd have a few girlfriends over, probably 3-5ish, but no more. We didn't have the space. We would watch movies, have pizza, stay up late. Sometimes we'd make cookies, or other snacks.
As I hit teens, my parents would actually let me stay at my guy friends' houses. With other girls and other guys. They made sure they had met everyone in attendance, as well as all parents. But we were also good kids, no drinking, drugs, any other kind of trouble, good grades, responsible, all that. But that was just my situation, with the friends/friends' parents that were involved.