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So close to 18....but will I ever feel (legally) safe????

nadalotapatience's picture

Hi y'all - I'm new here, first post and all that but I have been reading through for days already before posting! Nice to know I am not alone but I do need to vent I suppose or quiz you all and see what others say....

Legally, financially, will I ever feel safe from this heifer???? Little background: My BF of 12 yrs left BM 13+ yrs ago when the kids informed him she was cheating. The world already knew this one was crazy - that was no secret and he never hid that from me but I decided to stick with him because a more patient man you will never find and his calming presence in my life is priceless. The divorce was miserable and ridiculous to the point where she told the judge she was pregnant (she wasn't) just to drag it out. Seriously. Crazy. So when I met him I was warned (by him) of these things. I supposed I effed up by having hope she would eventually move on.

Due to her own crazy antics the whole herd was cut off from contact - it broke BFs heart for a while more than he let on BUT he couldn't take it anymore. One can only get to know the local police department so well before it gets old seeing them EOWE. For example pitching a 5yr old over our patio fence and allowing him to unload items from the apartment while we were gone via busting a sliding glass door and then unlocking and walking out the front door because that is safe and adult right? - Houston cops caught them in the act and wouldn't press charges and just gave me the run around about letting it go for the kids sake when a neighbor called them and me to come home....I do so love HPD...NOT!! Or how about the day she showed up screaming that I had kidnapped them after they had been home for about an hour for a scheduled per CO visitation with their dad which she let them leave with HIM NOT ME I was no where around....and then here she comes with the police in tow stating that I had kidnapped them. Thankfully I was at work but still...that was fun....NOT!!! Or the screaming messages on the answerng machine where you can hear them crying in the background as she informs them their dad doesn't love them anymore he loves his new whore (that would be me) and they were 5 and 7 at the time....Yup....cray cray mucho. Well after several months of that BF cut them alllll off. His own family did not want the children at their homes because she showed up to a family birthday party causing trouble, the nursing home his mother was in, etc...The cutting off was not just us, was not my idea, but WAS the best thing for the situation to allow some normalcy. CS has been paid but no more contact was made because honestly neither one of us could afford to deal with lawyers/police/etc.

Well....the time has come...she is getting scared I guess. atfer a few quiet years shes baaaaackkkkkkk. Oh Joy. Youngest one has 1 year and a few months until he is 18 AND graduates highschool and her gravy train is rolling to a stop and I know it pisses her off to see almost $1800/month go away cause then HOW will she EVER pay for her 4100 sq ft house????? Perhaps be forced to get a job??? That would be a shame. This dumb heifer bought a $300,000 house last year even though the one she had was almost paid for...new camaro in the driveway....I'm sure she has/had plans to keep the money rolling in. Her LATEST scheme is trying to prove my handful of livestock is a BIG FANCY RANCH! Seriously! Back in court again as she tries to raise the CS after YEARS of peace and quiet. UGH Sad It's a handful of goats and chickens I keep because they amuse me! It's MY hobby not an actual business. The only thing she isn't after is the damn garden veggies! We RENT this property from a FRIEND - we do NOT have a John Deere tractor, we BARELY have a running riding lawn mower! And here we go again....court...they haven't subpeonaed MY records yet but I seriously feel it coming as all these things were brought up on 2/8 because according to her he has had a substantial change in income. REALLY??? No, no he has not. I bought a couple goats a while back because I wanted a couple freaking goats! Ho-Lee Jee-Bus I think she'd snatch my used tampon straight out my vag if I told her BF paid for it just to prove how greedy she is! Rescheduled from 2/8 to 4/26 because BM failed to bring any proof this is HIS farm....cause it's not...it's a rental with my goats and chickens hanging out burning hay.

This is nothing new per se - I just thought we had established that his CS keeps him fairly broke and I'm nothing special besides being content living simple. But no, here we go again. She was beyond obnoxious for the first year he and I were together - we moved just enough to shake her off THEN she found husband #2 for herself and stayed busy for a while THEN I guess they got tired of each other and years 5-6 were obnoxious again and NOW after nearly 6 years OF QUIET here we go again Sad UGH!!! SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?! Every chance she has ever had she has screamed loudly to the hevens that they are HER kids - not his AND hers, not theirs, JUST HERS. As BF has said "Fine....they can be all yours...let me know how that works out". She got what she wanted and now she wants MY pet chickens? What a joke! The amount of ugly, selfish, crazy and greedy this bitch exudes from her very pores of her skin just oozing all over the IV-D courts amazes me - telling other BMs how to swing things - it was a sad ugly day indeed.

Rant over (for now lol) but point being: WILL I EVER FEEL FINANCIALLY AND LEGALLY SAFE??? After reading some of the posts here I just don't know.....we aren't married, I suppose finances co-mingle a bit if you want to get super technical so now that worries me, and have I mentioned this bitch is CRAZY???? For the first time EVER in my life I have been working towards buying a house instead of renting (cleaning up a few baddies on my credit, building credit, etc) - my goal was in a year once the youngest was 18 and NOT to have BF on the mortgage either. Just waiting that long because it would make me feel better - she did try to sue him once after my grandfather passed away stating he had inherited all these magic beans from MY grandpa! (Used that substantial change in income thing to get back in court - crafty bitch) Um no....I didn't even get any magic beans, I actually had to SPEND magic beans to go to a funeral 1700 miles away and all I got was a dinner with my family. But there we were being served and in court and I had to prove there was nothing from MY family going to BF. What.The.Actual.F***???? Yup...waste of time and effort but worth it to see her face when that judge had the sense to tell her to piss off! I digress though....once again point being if I get something she wants it. If BF gets something she wants it. If she THINKS we have a pot to piss in, then it MUST be HER pot. Just a whif of happiness is enough to get her counting dollar signs and dollars there be none. He SHOULD have had his CS reassesed after a job loss 3 years ago but we let it go to keep the peace
- she actually stands to LOOSE money now by pushing forward and I dread the reaction that will trickle down towards our household. If she thinks it's hers then it must be and off to court we go. So is there ever a point where legally and financially you feel safe? Or is the rest of life a whirlwind of laying low, staying unseen, and praying she doesn't hear you have so much as even a candy bar she can grab from you when you are dealing with one this touched? I heard her LOUDLY proclaiming to another BM that 'his kids were going to sue him as soon as they turned 18' - for what I don't know I missed all that, but the threat has been made and all I can do is wonder what next????

I'm younger than him by 15 years....at 36 I realize I am not too old to start over. And for the first time EVER I am seriously contemplating it. Do you ever reach a point where you feel safe or is the court crap unending? Are they always suing for something? Does it never end??? Because I am 15 years younger than her too...is my only hope I will outlive her? If so....IDK....I just don't know if I can wait that long....and I feel selfish and rotten and evil for admitting it but I really don't know if I can do this once every 5 years until one of us dies. Or every time she catches a wild hair to google up my name.

Thanks for listening if nothing else....someone toss a fellow Texan some hope because today I could seriously cry. Do the greedy psycho ones ever grow old enough to give up???

nadalotapatience's picture

This is what worries me. We have had 6 quiet years - he cut them off and after the time she tried to get imaginary money that wasn't there when my grandfather passed away she gave up for a while. I really figured she had moved on since she finally got to marry the cop she was always searching for. But here we go again now. Just not sure I can deal with this every few years as she finds reasons to justify it and when BF passes away one day (because death comes to all of us eventually that is a fact) I KNOW it will get ugly then too. Unless she goes first - at which point I feel like I am gambling based on genetics. His parents lived to be 76/83....her mom only made it to 57 before cancer got her....genetically speaking it MIGHT happen. The grim reaper MIGHT go for her first...course I might get hit by a bus tomorrow too so you never know...(Sorry I am a funeral director and my brain operates in wacky ways). Being the ring leader she is I know if she isn't around no one else has that much evil energy.

nadalotapatience's picture

LOL! You and me both! I do believe in karma though - one day it's going to smack her down hard - hopefully via bus on Congress as she marches in to court.

nadalotapatience's picture

This is exactly WHY we aren't married - he knows it, no secret or anything. And I'm really okay with things how they are anyways.

Now harrassment lawsuit....it's greedy I know but I still wonder if it is worth it? Honestly I dont think so. I have so much more I can do with this money I have spent most of my adult life tucking away.....IDK if I want to spend it on more court crap or just disappear....

ETA: By disappear I (mostly) mean move where she can't drive by and stalk us...like to another state....if we are out of sight we are out of mind it seems as going 4 counties away worked for 6 years last time maybe another state away will work for another 6 years?

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Do you guys live in a small town? How did you overhear the BM speak to the other BM?

Sorry, but the first time she had the kid break in, I wouldn't have rested until she was in jail with a restraining order and the kids were with their dad via emergency custody but that's all in the past.

Honestly, I wouldn't worry so much about it (and I have a nutty BM too). Legally, you're protected ESPECIALLY since you aren't married. You can't live life constantly worried about IF BM would do something. Now, here is the thing--most of the time the losing party in a lawsuit pays for the winning party's legal fees. If they, at any time attempts that, have it thrown in there that you will countersue for the legal fees and time off work that you/bf took to deal with this mess.

Anyone can sue for anything but whether or not they win is a different story--and having to pay if you lose (even if you are the party who initiated the lawsuit) is usually a good deterrent from frivolous suits. DO NOT SETTLE. If you settle then the countersuing ability is out of the picture.

The only way to beat crazy BMs is to legally smack them across the nose every time they cross the line. They should be completely ignored otherwise--no communication AT ALL unless there is a life threatening issue to the children. If you catch them on your property snooping, police and a report should be filed every time. DO NOT let the police talk you out of it. Then a restraining order. Once you get the RO, and they choose to violate it, penalties get bigger and bigger.

nadalotapatience's picture

Overheard her remarks at court - the IV-D courts here in Harris County are ancient and tiny so I am pretty sure the judge and AG heard her too. That was on 2/8 and I have been stewing over it since then.

12 years ago neither one of us (BF nor myself) had the money to pursue legal action - I would have cheerfully given it to BF if I had it to pay attorneys, etc and IDK about where you are but here in Houston it all amounts to who has the best lawyer. Sitting in the IV-D courts down here is like watching the people versus OJ all morning. Those with high dollar attorneys get their way and the rest, no matter how sound their case is, just don't. So BF made the choice to drop it. Like his mediocre (but honest) attorney at the time told him 1) BMs like her won't stop until enough false accustaions have been made to put him in jail so CYA at all times 2) Better yet - walk away and keep your CS current and paid. The lawyer literally said 'The last time I dealth with a custodial parent like her, my client spent $10K to clear his name from false accusations of molestation and they STILL gave BM custody even though it was easily proved that her BF at the time was the one molesting the kids. You sir are better off walking away entirely just pay your CS on time each month so her crazy doesn't end your life'.

The worst part is she married a cop - so she knows every single legal loop hole as far as her stalker behavior and she NEVER comes on her own. Always sends the kids or nieces/nephews or their friends to do her dirty work. So while I am aware of what I need to do as far as calling police and ROs it's been near impossible to pin it to her. Special kind of crazy indeed.

nadalotapatience's picture

Nope....no contact at all and it will stay that way per his own decision. He knows he effed up by spawning with her of all people - he knows it and admits it fully but whats done is done. Dont tempt me though. I have half a mind to post free puppies at her address on craigslist - I wont because I dont want the bad karma - but its tempting. }:)

nadalotapatience's picture

Oh I know....its just MIGHTY tempting lol! But I never would - actually not over the clean hands thing, I could care less at this point about that. But the bad karma I would bring on myself is SO not worth it! No matter what you call it I 100% believe you get what you give and thus far all of her heckling has ended fairly well for us so I dont want to tip the cosmic scales wrong Wink I'll just sit over here and stew and behave....

nadalotapatience's picture

How greedy does it sound that at this point I seriously sat down and weighed this out - I did though. Do I spend thousands of $$$$$ hiring an attorney? Or do I just pack up and go on my own and keep that money for a home purchase as I had been saving for? I've been the 'better person' so many times in so many ways....IDK if I can keep doing it but after reading where it's been an issue for some people I just don't know. Legally we maynot be married but she sure was trying to find a way to prove we are common law a few weeks ago in court. THAT was peachy. I guess the real question is what state provides the most protection for step-parents because I am not against moving across the country. It would stop the random drive bys on their part at least I guess.

notasm3's picture

I SO agree with you on the worthlessness of the police in Houston. I called 911 because there was a man at my second floor window (middle of the night). They NEVER showed up. NEVER. My body might still be there rotting for all they cared.

I don't live there now thank goodness.

nadalotapatience's picture

HPD seriously could care less - which I can understand as our issue was small fries compared to some of the stuff they deal with I know - but that was the first time we moved. I'll take small town cops over city cops any day now!

Toastergirl's picture

8th generation Texan here...we are strong and capable women. Smile I don't have any advice to give you (what a hard predicament), but I hope you are able to find solace. My hex is many fries short of happy meal and has also tried to come over after my money, so I can sympathize with your struggle.

nadalotapatience's picture

It gets old seeing the happy meal with everything missing but the receipt doesnt it? Few fries short barely covers it lol! This heifer is like the empty box - didnt even get a nugget or a toy, just the box.

Acratopotes's picture

IF the CO stipulates CS is over age 18 - then DH should simply just apply and deal with it, stop it...

what's she going to do? After CS is stopped you both can change your phone numbers and never speak to her again.
If she still bugs you get an RO..

Rags's picture

Once the youngest SKid ages out from under the CO you should have little to deal with unless there is a residual CS obligation while one or more of the StepSpawn are in college. I suggest you have BF sit down with you and review his CO or divorce decree in detail.

One thing that you should be prepared for is that if BM goes for a CS modification CS is likely to go up even if BF's income goes down. Unfortunately the formulas for the Income Shares Model and the Percentage of Income Model tend to drive the NCP's CS obligation up even when the CP income increases significantly while the NCPs income drops notably.

My SS's BioDad was under the impression that when his income went down he could request a CS modification hearing and his CS would go down. Each time he tried... his CS went up because my DW's income had increased significantly. Even when the CP makes significantly more money and is allocated a larger share of the requirements to support a kid when the bucket of money available form both bioparents gets bigger.... the NCP's CS obligation tends to get bigger.

nadalotapatience's picture

I've been over that divorce decree and all subsequent paperwork with a fine tooth comb already - what I worry about are the things NOT addressed in there. College - not addressed. Will she be coming back after money for that? Medical bills - addressed, he pays half, BUT she has NEVER sent any ever not once even though the mailing address to the PO box has always stayed the same regardless of where we lived. That ought to be a joy to address when she gets around to it after racking up bills for years. It's coming....I know it is. The question is what will she try to place a lien on or sue for next. Death - specifically his. When he dies no matter how we manage things (will, trust, etc) I KNOW I will have a fight on my hands if she is still alive to egg the skids on. If I go before either one thats the only way I will get out of dealing with it but odds there are not in my favor. If she goes first I might get lucky on that one being as she is the ring leader here. But if he goes first I'll have them at my door step or the very least a process server in their stead....I can see it now....and sadly I never really envisioned it as I figured she had finally moved on to her happy place when things were quiet for so long. Her happy place being a cop husband in a 4100 sq ft brick home. But nope....not happy...jealous of some damn goats and a rented barndominium Sad It really is the stuff not addressed in those papers and what the future may bring that worries me...

nadalotapatience's picture

Thank you - this is what I needed to hear. As long as there is hope of legally telling her to FOAD in regards to things being mine (such as a home/property) I'm a little less worried about the future.

Icansorelate's picture

There is a legal defense called "laches" or something close to that- the way I understand it, it means that someone cannot collect a debt if they did not assert their right to it for some length of time. So, with good legal advise if she trys to impose decades of medical bills- your SO may not have to pay beyond the more recent ones.

College is tougher depending on the state and the judge. He may end up in court and ordered to contribute or not.

If I was you, I would definitely NOT marry him at least until all the kids are out of college and emancipated. Even then, I probably wouldn't. If you stay with him, continue to keep your money and assets seperate. She should not be able to bring them into play, but then again, in family court, everything seems to depend on the state and the judge.

He and you can still set up trusts for a death scenario. Trusts are private as opposed to wills (no probate). Make sure he as a good trustee who will follow his wishes. There is a never a time you would have to speak to BM or the skids or let them into your home following his death- everything would be distributed per the trust and they should be directed to the trustee.

Icansorelate's picture

and the flip side of that is she becomes legally responsible for his medical bills/long term care costs if he gets ill. That could bankrupt her in her old age. Prenups and postnups cannot make that obligation go away.

She can collect on her own ss record. SS recipients do not collect on both theirs and their spouse's...they collect the larger of either their own or a benefit that is equal to 1/2 of the spouse's annuity.

He can give her medical POA for medical decision and visitation rights....even being married- that piece of paper is generally recommended anyway.

Marriage is a legal and financial contract between the parties and the state. why open yourself up to more state (ie family court) involvement if you are worried about the financial (ex wife) part of it.

I have personal experience in my own middle age with an ex wife coming after my financial information due to me being married to her ex husband..and the judge granted discovery to her. So, it can happen and it is a nightmare. We had totally seperate finances (assets, accounts, tax returns, pre nup, trusts etc) and it did not matter.

Rags's picture

This is exactly why we have sent regular statements to the SpermClan demanding payment for their share of Skid medical expenses not covered by insurance. We also apply penalties and interest in line with the IRS penalties and interest tables for unpaid taxes.

We do this to maintain the ability to sue the shit out of them should they crawl out from under their slime covered rock at the bottom of the their shallow and polluted gene pool to cause trouble for my Skid.

It is not likely that an effort to sue them for that money would get much traction in court but we keep them well connected with the fact that they are deadbeat POS idiots. They are too dim to make an effort to determine what their likely liabilities are if we chose to take their debt to court.