Something DH said.. big deal or not?
Quick backgground- DH and I have been together 3 years, been married almost a year, DH has SD5 and I have no kids of my own.
DH and I have been talking about having a baby together since before we even got married. We've been married almost a year, done a little bit of traveling, I finished school, am at a good place in my career, and feel like I'm at a good point in my life for a baby.
Recently we had another talk and I THOUGHT we were in agreement that I would get off the pill this summer (we have a vacation planned so when we get back).
Then last night, after a few drinks, DH made a comment about how he doesn't want to plan any babies (SD wasn't planned) and that he wants it to just happen. Well.. I'm on birth control.. So it's not going to just happen.. I explained this to DH but it was like I was talking to a wall. He said for me to just get off the pill then. But now I feel like.. Idk.. Like maybe he doesn't really want to have a baby.. And I am not one to not be on birth control if someone doesn't want to have a baby with me.. I think forcing a baby on someone (what BM did to DH) is probably the most awful thing you could ever do!
Do you think I should make anything of his comment or just let it go?
I think he's saying he wants
I think he's saying he wants to have a baby and that it will happen whenever you get knocked up. Probably, he doesn't want to make a science experiment of it and track your ovulation and fertility. He wants to just have sex without birth control and if it happens it happens. Maybe he has some sense that then it was "meant to happen" or more meaningful to him then.
Thanks, warmbody! I wasn't
Thanks, warmbody! I wasn't sure what to make of it and then when I asked him about it, he didn't elaborate. That makes sense.
No problem. Guys have
No problem.
Guys have feelings too, and your DH may just be attached to an idea of how he wants it to happen and have romanticized it in his head. It doesn't have to make sense - it's just how he feels.
Thank you for the responses!
Thank you for the responses! Cheri, you're exactly right- I am a planner and he is not AT ALL!
I understand he probably doesn't want to be under pressure to get pregnant. Me, on the other hand, I want to get off the pill WHEN I want to get pregnant. But that comes back to me being a big planner and him wanting things to just happen.
We haven't talked about fertility treatments yet. I do plan on at least tracking my ovulation- maybe I just won't tell him so he doesn't feel pressured, but I definitely plan to do that because I know down to the month when I want to get pregnant lol I know it may not happen when I want it to, but I want to at least try!
Do you think it's wrong to not tell him I'm tracking if we both are in agreement for me to get off the pill?
"Believe it or not, our
"Believe it or not, our bodies are equipped to prevent conception from occurring during times of extreme stress. The presence of adrenalin, the hormone that is released by our bodies during stressful times, signals to our body that conditions are not ideal for conception. Adrenaline inhibits us from utilizing the hormone progesterone, which is essential for fertility. It also causes the pituitary gland to release higher levels of prolactin, which also causes infertility to occur."
- http://natural-fertility-info.com/stress-and-your-fertility.html
I would say try it 100% his way first. No planning and no talking about what if his method doesn't work.
Then if it doesn't work try it 100% your way. Otherwise someone will be upset that it isn't really being done the way they want.
I have a feeling that because
I have a feeling that because of the stress I am constantly under (normal step family issues), this may not happen like I want it to. Hopefully that's not the case, but I have read before about how stress can affect your ability to conceive.
A lot of women think they're
A lot of women think they're in agreement with their guy when in fact they've been doing all the agreeing and the guy is just going along with her to keep the peace. I think you need to get this clear with him when he's sober. "Do I go off the pill and let this happen or not". Any mincing of words on his part should be interpreted as "No". Ask him to put it in writing. Seriously.
Many a woman has come to this site complaining about how their husbands second family (i.e. their kids) are being treated as second class, ignored or otherwise clearly demonstrating that he really didn't want more kids.
Plus I know I'm going to get screamed at for this but the opinion of the ladies here should be discounted as they're of the wrong gender to know how a man feels.
Well, we have talked about it
Well, we have talked about it a lot when he is sober and that is how we came to the decision for me to get off the pill this summer.
Last night he made that comment after a few drinks and I wasn't sure how to take it. Sober, he says he wants to have a baby and wants me to get off the pill.
I completely agree and I want him to WANT a baby. I surely don't want to force a baby on anyone (this is basically what BM did to him- they were not married, definitely weren't trying to get pregnant, then "oopsie"). I don't want to be like that. I guess that's why I freaked out a little bit by what he said last night.
Thanks Lilypad and congrats
Thanks Lilypad and congrats to you! I hope that's how it works out for us too. I don't want to have to go through any treatments, I really don't. I will do whatever I have to do, but it is my hope that it happens naturally!
How about going off the pill
How about going off the pill before your vacay and then see what happens while stressfree and enjoying time away??!!
That's a good idea, only
That's a good idea, only thing is I really don't want to be pregnant all summer. If I could choose the exact month to get pregnant, it would be August because then baby will be here end of May-beginning of June and I can have all summer off on maternity leave haha! I know it probably won't work out the exact way that I want it to, but I have to at least try!
Just get off the pill and if
Just get off the pill and if you get knocked up you get knocked up. Trying to plan down to the season you'd prefer to be pregnant is way too controlling. Let things ebb and flow as nature intended.
I think that's what my DH
I think that's what my DH thinks too! I'm just a BIG planner, especially with important things. Thanks for the response!
Nena, that is so sad! So you
Nena, that is so sad! So you ended up not having a baby because your DH didn't want another one? Do you have any kids of your own? I couldn't handle having skids but no bios.
Christinen, are you SURE you
Christinen, are you SURE you want to have a baby with this man?
A while back you were on here talking about how lazy your DH is, how he doesn't help out around the house and that he can't afford to pay his share of the household bills.
I hope before you have a baby with this man, any financial problems are sorted out first.
Just speaking from experience.
Hi Amber! DH actually got a
Hi Amber! DH actually got a new job a little while back! He is doing a lot better financially, thank God!
Everything is not perfect, and I'm sure things would be a lot easier if I was with a man who didn't have a kid with another woman. I do think about that a lot but I just don't think I would love another man as much as I love my DH.
I'm glad to hear he got a new
I'm glad to hear he got a new job. That's good news!
Well, have fun making babies!
LOL no thats just a man
LOL no thats just a man thing. They just wanna fire off rounds and not do the planning like warmbody said. My husband was the same way.
Lol! Thanks!
Lol! Thanks!
Idk, that's how it started
Idk, that's how it started with my DH. 6 years later, still no baby. After 6 years of raising his children, I'm meeting with a divorce lawyer.
That's a big fear that I
That's a big fear that I have.. I don't think I would be able to stand having the skid around and not having a bio (eventually). I don't blame you at all for thinking about divorce in that situaion. I would not want to raise someone else's kids if I couldn't have my own!