It sounds like a case of an overly enmeshed mother in law or sister in law who is also possibly very narcissistic. I appreciate my parents because when I have relationship issues they always tell me to talk to my significant other about it and if it doesn’t help to seek counseling. This is what loving non narc parents do. 

I don't have bad intentions, but I usually feel better after venting or talking about it, and sometimes my Best friend has advice that is helpful. I do know it isn't the best thing to do. My SO found out once and said he feels like it makes my family and friends hate him because they hear about our issues and remember the bad things, and I agreed. I try to do it less, and am always sure to tell the good things my SO does too, so there's a balance.

Unfortunately, women like to talk...doesn't mean it's the right way to handle it, but it's hard to get out of the habit of "venting". Having that convo with my SO did make me consider the damage it does to his reputation with my family and friends, and I rarely "vent" to them now. Perhaps if you had a heartfelt talk with your SO, she might understand as well.

my best friend of almost 23 years and my husband knows I do it. He knows we talk about everything and is okay with it. Her and I are like sisters. We even met our husbands around the same time. The four of us are close and I know the men vent to each other as well. 

That being said, I also communicate very well with my spouse. We have a great relationship and he is both my friend and my husband. I think that is a key part of why he is okay with me venting to others. 

This girl is not for you.

So on the flip side. I avoid major things when it comes to talking to my sister... But some days if I'm really struggling and I know my DH has heard it a million times. I go to my sister. Not because I'm enmeshed, and not because I'm trying to tell my sister he's awful (DH is grade A amazing.) but because I don't want to stress him anymore than possible if I can avoid it. So if I'm struggling with something, and I know he's working on it, but I just need to vent. I found it's been healthier for us for me to vent my frustrations to my sister (Who doesn't judge an dknows it's just frustrations) rather than let them build up, me eventually blow up, and frustrate the he!! out of my DH.

HOwever it's also important to note that I always make sure my sister knows that I should be working on things too and that he's a good hubby to me. If you only say the bad that's all they'll see. NOrmally these are only stephe!! related issues. Everything else seems like a piece of cake in comparison.

It is hard to know what the right thing to do is.... I usually go to my spouse first, but then if it doesn’t get resolved and I don’t ‘drop it’ according to what in his mind is an appropriate time frame it will cause further issues. But sometimes I can’t resolve it as quickly. 

So somtimes I will vent to my mom or sister, or a close friend just to get it out some. I won’t be degorgatory towards him ever though. It will be more seeking advice/getting it off my chest. 

I would just keep it to myself, but have done so in the past and it will usually lead to an explosIon at some point. Lol.

My Mom, sister and closest friends LOVE DH though, so they never bad mouth him either and just try to give perspective.

I can sympathize with a spouse needing to talk to a parent or friend, particularly if the spouse is disengaged from some aspect of the relationship.  My wife's youngest son was such a nightmare that I've disengaged from him completely.  He has continuous issues and problems that he creates for himself.  He burns every bridge he has until people want nothing to do with him.  He can be a seriously scary guy, someone who can be incapable of controlling himself when he gets angry.  He's put fists and feet through our walls, and has been taken out of the house in handcuffs.  He developed a pretty serious drug problem.  He stood in our dining room and screamed at me how much he hates me, and how awful his mother is.  He's held himself hostage, threatening to kill himself if he didn't get his way.  He's almost 20 now.  I don't ask about him anymore, and change the subject whenever he is brought up.  Frankly, I'm not even sure where he is these days.  That might sound like a mean approach, but this guy has been absolutely horrible to me.  I disengaged primarly as a way of protecting myself and my kids from him and his rage and chaos.  Now, my wife talks to her mom about her son's issues.  I don't get dragged into the middle of them anymore.  It works for us.

Just because your wife is talking about a problem you're having in the marriage doesn't mean it's doing harm. It might not solve anything, but in my case, talking to a friend has helped my husband a lot more than he probably realizes.

I talk to my best friend of 30 years about issues with my husband and SD. She was my friend first, but since we married she is also a friend to my husband.

This girlfriend has my best interest at heart, as well as those of my husband. She would never interfere in our marriage. In fact, she has at times defended my husband when she thought I was wrong. She's talked me into giving things another chance with him when I wanted to give up.

By talking to her, I can get another perspective. She has softened my anger so I can go back to my husband and constructively work on the issue.

The key is talking to someone who will not interfere, who will not only take my side or his, who will not use the information I've told against me or my spouse, but can really add a dimension to the situation that I might not see on my own. I would say talking to my girlfriend has improved my marriage.

Women talk. Women talk a lot. My impression of men is that they do not talk to friends as much about their marriages as they did about their conquests before marriage. And sports scores. But women are very verbal and we love to rehash things.

So I wager her talking to others does more good than you realize and probably does little harm, as long as her sister and mother don't interfere or use the information against you.