Comparisons
Hi everyone! You’ve been amazing to me. I have a question: does anyone else get compared to previous spouse(s)? It happens A LOT for me. I’m his fourth wife, and I can’t tell you how many times (including tonight) people say TO MY FACE “you are so much better than the ones before you”. I guess I should be happy that it’s favorable, but I don’t care about competing. I just want to me seen for myself, not in comparison. I would say it was poor social graces if it were a couple of people, but I this has happened many times in three years. Acquaintances, his friends, his adult children, all kinds of people. I’m not here to compete, I’m here to live my life. Am I ridiculous to be offended by this? I’d like to say something in the moment, but I freeze, and I also don’t want to embarrass my husband socially. Thoughts? Has anyone experienced this and how do you feel? Thanks. I know I need a lot of hand holding and I think I’m close to the end, mostly of just saying this isn’t a good fit for me. Would you feel hurt/offended?
Maybe they are saying these things because they know
you are close to the end. Hoping to buoy you up? I can see how it can be aggravating but is not meant as an insult.
4 marriages... his loved ones could be wondering how long it will last too. You have every right to ask others to stop bringing up the past as you are not interested, but would I be offended? Probably not.
What a weird thing to say to
What a weird thing to say to someone. I'm the third wife and no one has ever said that to me (except DH, who says I'm his favorite wife so far. lol). His family definitely prefers me to BM, who is a total alienating loon, but his first wife was a good person, just the wrong time for them.
I would personally take it as a compliment, if I were you
I would just take it as a compliment
You seem very mature. Some people may not know what to say when introduced to fourth wife.
The only person who has ever
The only person who has ever compared me to BM, DH’s first wife (I’m his 2nd), that I know of, is DH. And that was pointing out the vast difference between us, and him voicing how he regrets ever marrying her in the first place.
But if I were in your shoes I’d probably be taken back by said comments - to my face. That’s a little odd.
Several people have said
Several people have said similar things to me. I think they think it's a compliment and for some it would be.
I am not insulted by it, but I'm not going to bash the ex. I've seen her in action and I know she's nuts, but I have a mother who is nuts and I had a grandmother who was nuts and I know how it hurts when someone says that about your mother.
I always respond, "I wasn't in their marriage but I'm sure there was fault on both sides." As soon as people see you aren't going there with them, the subject changes.
I think it's tacky to bring up exes to currents.
My wife, when she would get
My wife, when she would get really angry, used to say she was happier with her daughter's father, in an attempt to get a rise out of me.
I kicked her out of my house.
She stopped doing that.
I would likely feel a bit
I would likely feel a bit uncomfortable but I don't think I would be offended.
There is nothing wrong with informing those making the comments that you appreciate the compliment but that you are not comfortable being compared to and reminded of your three predecessors.