Spoiled
My SS9 is spoiled. There are no 2 ways about it. For instance, today was a really special day. He got to spend the night at his grandparents' house last night, which is like the moon and the stars for him. Then his friend got to spend the day with us from like 8a-4p. As a treat, he got to play a video game with his friend for an hour. His friend also brought an iTouch, so I know they played other stuff in the room, too. We went to the playground, painted pottery at the art studio & went to the farmers market. It was a very special day. But the whole time, it's not enough for him. He complains because I set a price limit at the pottery place. He whines & starts to fake cry because we don't have ice cold water at the park. He complained that I didn't let them play more video games (he usually only gets 30 minutes a day, if that, and only on weekends, so an hour was like whoa flexible for me). He complained that I couldn't go outside to watch them throw the ball (I was trying to finish work I'd brought home with me and needed 30 minutes AND I could see them clear as day in the lawn outside the window). He complained I wouldn't take them for ice cream. And it kept going. The piece that about sent me through the roof was this evening when I was doing a sink of dishes. We asked him to put away his laundry, which I had done, and he started to cry.
Now that I've vented, I need to know...Does anyone else experience this, too? How do you handle it? I didn't have a whole lot growing up, so I am really appreciative of the things in my life. I work hard, as does DH. Before me, I know DH would give in more so he wouldn't have to deal with it, and SS's BM does the same still. SS's grandparents are the worst. DH has really stepped up to the plate now about boundaries and limits. It's been 2 years now though, and SS9's behavior just gets worse. HELP!!!
Well, I can only say what I
Well, I can only say what I do with all my kids, and am doing with new SD as well. I send them to their room. They are allowed to mad, sad, etc. (as long as it isn't destructive), but I don't need to hear it. So they have a choice, you can be happy about what you have and keep doing it, or stay down here, or you can go up to your room and be mad for as long as you want. WITHOUT electronics (books, ok). If you cry in the store I drop (literally) what I have turn around and walk out. If you are mad at the park, we go home and you go to your room. If your friend is around, he goes home. Simply put, you can be miserable, but you are not going to make me and everyone around you miserable as well.
Is it right? I don't know, only time will tell, but I'm trying
LOL!! I can so relate...love
LOL!! I can so relate...love the part about the monkey. Here is a recent conversation between SD and DH:
SD: I'm bored can we go somewhere
DH: We just went somewhere
SD: But I'm bored now
DH: how can you be bored??? You have a PS3, a Wii, a new TV/dvd, a bike outside, ect...
SD: Can we go buy me an ipod...they are only $249 and that is not bad
DH:no...maybe you can get that for your birthday but not right now.
SD: (really whining now)but you never buy me anything or take me anywhere!
If one of my skids or even my
If one of my skids or even my BD says the words "I'm bored" they get put to work with chores. They learned quickly to find something to occupy their time and not say "I'm bored" because if they're bored, I will find them something to do -- and quickly. I'm capable of making lists of things to do and fast!
My ssd9 was spoiled rotten
My ssd9 was spoiled rotten when i came into the picture too. Not quite as badly as yours (I would have left LONG ago if that were the case) but still spoiled. This child has come a very long way in a matter of a year due to limits, rules, chores & expectations. It got a lot worse before it got better but now, its fabulous. Honestly. I sat down with my DH when i moved in and said "this is how we are going to have a successful marriage" a. b. c. One of those things was teaching his kid (whom we have full residential custody of) respect, discipline, limits and appropriate behavior. Some say its controlling to "demand" it but it's only fair to me to have a child whom I'm OBLIGATED to live with behave in a way I can live with. If you do not stop this behavior immediately, ALL of your lives will suck. You are doing this child a great disservice by allowing things to happen this way. Stop it now.
I can always settle the
I can always settle the boredom at my house. I make them clean somehting. LOL They have all stopped saying they are bored. }:)
What would have done every time he started his complaining would have been to take him home and make him stay in his room and his friend goes home. I will not put up with that.
Thank you for all the great
Thank you for all the great feedback! We do get on him when he pulls out the spoiled behavior, but since we're the only ones who do, we're always starting at square one. We've taken away things, limited things, made him do chores, put him in time out. Nothing seems to work. My persistence is wearing thin. For instance, today DH had a serious talk with him about his behavior. Tonight SS's having some grapes, and DH knows he won't eat as many as he took. DH asks him to hand him the bunch so he can split it in two. And SS pouts about it and slaps his hands down. I left the room. He does it over any and every thing. DH immediately told him that behavior won't be tolerated, but it is indulged by his BM and grandparents, so I feel like we never make progress and always have to be the "bad guys" (which is code for the only actual adults in the situation trying to raise a responsible, respectful human being). It's so frustrating. I'm thinking from now on, the minute he does it, he is either put in time out or immediately given a chore. No more warnings. He's had enough.