SS insists on bringing friend along for weekends
I've previously complained about the ADHD SS (16) doing inappropriate touching of his sister and mom.
SS has a friend and let's call the friend A. I quite like A, who's a friendly and polite boy (unlike SS). However, SS has insisted on bringing A along for weekend upon weekend in the past, leading to us (i.e. me - the idiot who provides all meals) to have to entertain and cater for A as well. Once or twice a year is fine, but not every weekend.
The coming weekend is a long weekend in my country. SS has informed, note: informed, not asked, told DW that he's bringing A along.
I then put my foot down and said no, I do not see why I have to have 2 extra children AND a friend in my house from Wednesday to Sunday. DW then told SS that I'm not happy and that A cannot come along. So what does SS do? Tells his mom that, OK, then he doesn't want to see her until next month and he's not coming this weekend. The latter is pure emotional manipulation, naturally. DW did the right thing and didn't allow this blackmail to succeed and told SS that's fine, it suits her.
So of course SS tells his dad, and his dad, DW's ex, hits the ceiling and accuses DW of not keeping to the custody arrangement of every second weekend. DW then starts being upset with me and says it's unfair that she's in the middle of this. As opposed to it being unfair on me to have to provide for her 2 brats plus their friends too?
Can't win, can I?
As a step-parent- you never
As a step-parent- you never win. It isn't your job to win, but to be the person who has to take the lesser of two evils, which is often disengagement. Disengagment isn't a win either, but a bit of a withdrawal from the battle field in order to survive. The problem is you are still in danger from fall-out and flack, and even worse, sometimes you become the centre of the battlefield and you finish up thinking, this battle isn't worth fighting, I'm off to a safer place, which is what happened to me.
I would say that in all future visitations A's parents have to cough up some money for his board and lodgings. Does SS ever go to A's house to stay? Someone has to help you out with this and see you won't be taken for a ride here. I would suggest if A comes along then there is some payment, even in kind such as the odd chore, to pay for the privilege. Certainly it is for DW to sort, and not yourself.
Problem is....
A's parents are quite poor, and he's a sweet kid, well-mannered and courteous. I don't blame him and wouldn't think of asking his less-than-well-off parents for money. It's SS who constantly wants to bring him along and then, as my wife said to him, he ignores his mom the whole weekend anyway, because they spend the entire weekend on the xBox. SS needs to understand that there are boundaries to my largesse, that it's my house and I get to decide who comes over, and there are also boundaries in terms of not trying to tell me and his mom who we should have over. Since I made my original posting, the little brat has capitulated with the emotional blackmail and is now coming after all. Pity, would have enjoyed not having to face him. But I shall most certainly have a little bit of a crappy attitude with him this weekend.
So Step mom needs a break
So Step mom needs a break from SS and threw a fit saying the visitation isn't being kept? LOL he can't just be rotten at your house then, its at both.
Somebody has to put this kid in his place and sounds like mom is willing to take a step in that direction. Good for her. I'd pull all financial support from your SS. Normally when you act like a ass, you don't get stuff. You most certainly don't get to call the shots.
Stop worrying about what the other house thinks of you. About time you put your foot down.
Funny that you should mention financial support, but....
I have a sideline internet business, in addition to my day job. So, although there is absolutely no obligation on me to provide any financial or other support whatsoever to SS and SD, I do quite often buy them cell phone data and gaming vouchers out of my business (and out of the kindness of my heart.)
His mom and I have however agreed today that this bulls..t is going to result in the data, airtime and vouchers for SS stopping for a while. Since when do 16 year olds instruct their mom to have her new husband also provide for their friends, and then try to emotionally blackmail their mom when she objects? High time he feels the consequences.
How about A doesn't come
How about A doesn't come along because your SS is an asshole and doesn't deserve it? Worked for me when I was a kid!
What BD should have done was
What BD should have done was say "Sorry Dude, Mom said no friends this weekend. Be ready at (X time) for the pick up/Drop off. It is your mom's weekend. Her rules."
Pretty much any other response is utterly ridiculous. DW should have called him out on his lack of back up and co parenting.
This!
Exactly. Why is this kid calling the shots? It's 3 parents against 1 kid. All 3 of you say, no friend and you're still going by BM. Done.
Like
No body want this kid. His Dad SO wants him out of the house, I can see why. But also BM And BD are letting him tun the show. His dad should forced him to go without A. Why want another kid every weekend, I don’t care if he the best kid in the world. I would cut any money you spend on SS
Like
No body want this kid. His Dad SO wants him out of the house, I can see why. But also BM And BD are letting him tun the show. His dad should forced him to go without A. Why want another kid every weekend, I don’t care if he the best kid in the world. I would cut any money you spend on SS
to us (i.e. me - the idiot
to us (i.e. me - the idiot who provides all meals) to have to entertain and cater for A as well
STOP DOING IT. Let SS bring A with him. You need to make yourself scarce and let your wife do EVERYTHING.
Lets say for fun, everyone
Lets say for fun, everyone you wrote about was inside a fully intact, normal rage, marriage and home. Would you always allow this friend of your son to spend Wed thru Sundays at your home? Probably not. Why is everyone treating this with kid gloves. OR a special circumstance. Its' not.
Your wife threw you under the
Your wife threw you under the bus, didn't she? She should have parented up, corrected her son's entitled attitude and informed him that A couldn't come over. Instead she made you the bad guy. Have you pointed this out to her?
Your skid situation won't improve until your wife's parenting improves.
AND adhd has nothing to do
AND adhd has nothing to do with it.
I have a feeling it has been used as a free pass. JMO
GoodLuck
Next time she tells you that
Next time she tells you that SHE is in the middle....tell her "well you put yourelf there"..now walk out of the middle Darlin'