SS18 high school graduation during COVID
I feel I'm in a "lose/lose" situation and could use some advice from other stepparents. SS18 is graduating this year and it will be IN PERSON. It will be outside at a regular concert venue. At least a thousand people will be there (4 tickets issued per graduate). they can choose to attend or not. I plan to not go if he attends so his bio parents and siblings can attend.
However, the more I think about it the more uncomfortable I am with the very large crowd. Made more concering as we have a beach vacation the following week where we will elope. My elderly (and immuno-compromised) vaccinated parents are staying with us at the beach house. SS18 has not been vacinated and I cannot be confident in the rest of his bio family's covid precautions...not to mention thousands of people at graduation! I have accepted low risk small gatherings but all those strangers in relatively close proximity has me paranoid.
I tend to be level headed during the pandemic...but for some reason this situation has me on edge. Worse case scenerio if someone gets sick we cancel our wedding and vacation...all just so SS18 can attend HS graduation in person (he is not a great student and will not be receiving any special honors). I am still surprised it is not virtual this year. I would be so upset if we could not have the simple small relaxed beach wedding we have planned. I already made many sacrifices for SS18 and his older brother over the years...I just want our ONE special day in return. It's not about the money...it's about the sweet memories. I've been through stephell like others on here and we came out stronger together so it means so much to me have this wedding as planned.
Honestly, I want to tell DH SS18 should not attend. My main concern is my elderly parents and risk to them. Maybe throw SS18 a party after the vacation and wedding. But I know that will come across as selfish but I feel I am being justified in being selfish this one time. Or am I being unreasonable?
Your feelings are valid, but
Your feelings are valid, but I think you're being somewhat unreasonable.
SS18 shouldn't have to miss his once-in-a-lifetime high school graduation. He didn't plan the date or the venue. Good student or not, he's graduating and this is a big milestone.
Now, that's not me saying your wedding isn't important. However, SS can't change anything about his graduation. You can make changes to the wedding and vacation. Yes, it would suck, but you'd have to do it anyway if someone got sick from somewhere else.
It's not fair to ask SS to miss this when you can move your elopement and vacation should you need to. This wasn't his fault and he shouldn't be punished for it.
thank you for your input, much appreciated.
We cannot change the wedding or vacation as it is already paid for and were just infomed a few days ago the graduation will be in person. It may also be the last vacation my elderly parents will be able to take due to their health. So re-scheduling either is not an option. I understand completely about what you are saying he should not be punished for it. I am not seeking to "punish" him, but rather to keep everyone safe due to the pandemic. We did not expect they would have the graduation in person with COVID.
Are you and your DH
Are you and your DH vaccinated as well, I would think if you all are it should be okay. Or you could ask SS to get a Covid test before you go, since its a week away he can wait the 5 days, get a rapid test and then be good to go. I understand your wedding is an important day and the last thing you want is to have to cancel, but I think there are options other than asking SS not to attend his own graduation.
thank you for your input. DH and I are
both vaccinated. SS18 is not. We are trying to get him vaccinated as soon as possible. My greatest fear is for my elderly parents. We planned and paid for everything months ago (after being locked down for year) as we never expected the school to have in person graduation. Kids are all still remote learning and last year my friends kids all had a "drive by" graduation. So we were surprised when just a few days ago they announced in person graduation.
Most schools here are hoping
Most schools here are hoping for an in person graduation this year and it looks as if the rules will.allow it in June (which is when our high schools graduate).
Breakthrough cases are rare, so if everyone but SS is vaccinated I'd go ahead with my plans. You may be able to get SS vaccinated by the wedding. If not, get him tested five days after graduation as suggested above. He could wear a mask when within six feet of your parents.
thank you for your input. We will work
on getting him vaccinated before the wedding. I didn't think of the testing option but since I see that mentioned twice here now that will be a great option for peace of mind if he cannot get vaccinated. I see so much doom and gloom in the news lately I just wasn't sure of the best way to keep us all safe as possible thanks so much!
Your parents are vaccinated.
Your parents are vaccinated. Let the kid have his graduation.
This is April
He can get vaccinated now second shot in May. Then fully vaccinated in twenty days after second shot. Or let SS stay at BM. Instead of going on vacation with you
thank you...update...we just got his vaccines scheduled!
I spent the last hour helping SS18 get his appointments scheduled. His BM won't take him anyway as she is on the road as a trucker (lives out of state with friends when she is not on the road) and SS18 really wants to be at our wedding ceremony. But it seems we have the issue resolved as he will be vaccinated too and I will feel much better about everyones safety.
Hopefully he will get
Hopefully he will get vaccinated.
I will say - my DH is immuno-compromised and we read a study saying the vaccine may not be effective for them - they tested immuno-compromised people after the first vaccine and less than 20% had antibodies, whereas 100% of immuno-competent people did. So we were excited to go about our lives again at first after we got vaccinated, but after reading that, we pulled back some.
I would put your focus on getting SS18 vaccinated before graduation so you can do the wedding and vacation, and he can do his graduation. If everyone else is vaccinated, your parents will be much safer.
Also, everyone can get tested prior to the vacation - they are making at-home test kids now, you can get them online.
thank you. later today we were able to schedule his
vaccine appointments thankfully. So feeling much better for my parents sake now.
You are being extremely unreasonable...
This is just an unfortunate circumstance all the way around. However to make it seem like SS graduation is any less important than your wedding is quite unfair. Asking him to not attend his graduation is beyond unfair and unreasonable. I am curious as to how you are justified (as you said) in asking him to not attend his graduation? You talk about it like it is something he can do another time. If he doesn't attend his graduation he can't ever get that back and I must say I can't imagine asking anyone to miss a milestone in their life.
Let the chips fall as the may and have SS tested before the wedding or ask him not to attend the wedding but do not ask him to not attend his graduation. Having him not attend the wedding would solve the problem for you.
My husbands son just graduated university 2 weeks ago
My husband didn't go and told his son to go on his own. All of my husbands leave is saved up to visit us overseas because of international border closures and the need for hotel quarrantine.
he also couldn't take time off work as he's an essential worker and this was something ss22.5 had to accept he wasn't moving heaven and earth for since ss lives in our marital home still.
ss's own sisters or bio mum didn't care about him to go to but they're a dysfunctional lot..