SS6 wanting his parents back together
My DH & I will be married a year in October. DH & ex separated for 3 years but lastnight ss6 asked me as dad walked in the door when BM and hs dad will get back together. We explained to him that dad & I are now together & that BM has a bf. And that BM and DH will never be together again.
SS6 wants to go to sisters ballet practice with just him, his sister and his parents. BM doesn't want me and my son there because she says us being there will "confuse" sd5. Excuse me...wouldn't the 4 of them as a "family" be more confusing. I have news for her when DH goes I will be there also & she can eat it!!I'm afraid this is confusing or would confuse my ss6. Is there anything else we can explain to him that allow we all love him his mom and dad will never live together or be married again? I think it's pretty normal for a 6 yr old to want this but I don't want this to create any problems. Thanks.
There are no easy answers
There are no easy answers beyond what you've already done but I don't see any point in your going.
There is no reason a little kid can't see his parents together on occasion. Your bad vibrations will be obvious to him and would do more harm than good. This is one battle that just isn't worth fighting.
the point of her going is
the point of her going is that she is dh's wife and they do those things TOGETHER. staying home just lets ss get ideas in his head that will hurt him, and it gives bm power she does not need. wth is wrong with you? just how many wires do you have crossed anyway?
It's the hat. I no longer
It's the hat. I no longer want it, I will make my own.
*snicker* i have more brains
*snicker* i have more brains in my ass than what's inside that hat.
I have more pepperonis on my
I have more pepperonis on my Pizza Hat.
Like Bi said, the point in
Like Bi said, the point in her going is, she is his wife. There is no reason the kid can't see his parents at the same occasion but "together" is a different thing. They are not together. He doesn't even remember them together. Seriously! Let's give the kid some false hope and really screw him up!
Absolutely. My OH and his ex
Absolutely. My OH and his ex continue to pussy foot around the children because they have been SO damaged by the divorce etc already "let's not put added pressure on them" But BM also I think does put ideas about how nice it would be if mummy and daddy were together again.
Compounded by the fact that we *still* don't have a car big enough to transport all of us together so always have to take 2 cars - his kids really have the attitude that I am not part of the family.
I constantly get asked "Oh, are YOU coming?" when we are going out, and even last Saturday when it was just me, him and his 2 kids "why does SHE have to come in OUR car, why can't she take her own?" (quite apart from HELLO, I AM STANDING RIGHT HERE YOU RUDE LITTLE BUGGER! is the fact that he does not SEE me as part of things, because his mummy plants seeds, and daddy is worried about how much damage he has done...
Personally, if I had a say LOL I would be going to family things, to show the kids a united front, and that this is the way things are now. If you are not allowed to be a presence in family aspects of their lives then they will never accept it.
The only thing confusing is
The only thing confusing is the BM's logic. There is nothing confusing with presenting things as they ARE, not as they used to be.
Yes, I agree!!!!If SS gets
Yes, I agree!!!!If SS gets the idea it is cool to see mom and dad together exclusively whenever he demands THAT'S when it gets confusing, since he gets far too much power in making decisions like that.Yor DH needs to make clear to BM that you both will come or none.The confused one is BM and it is her right to feel so, but she should not put her feelings on SS .
I doubt if his parents have
I doubt if his parents have been separated for 3 years and he is 6 that he actually REMEMBERS them being together enough to "want them to get back together". Sorry, but someone is putting this in his head. Also, I agree with you 100%. You and your husband should make sure more than ever that he ALWAYS sees you together...by not doing it just once, it will ONLY give him false hope.
I can tell you what I said to
I can tell you what I said to Sd then 5 when she told me she wanted her Dad and Mum back together, I said that her Mum and Dad loved her very much and that would never change, I said that they liked each other but they did'nt want to live together anymore (lie), they hate each other, though Sd knows nothing of this, that was 18 months ago and she has'nt mentioned it again. I afree with newwife3, as its been 3 years since they were together, Im sure he can't remember much, so someone is suggesting this to him, poor little chap this is the last thing he needs.
Since when is ballet practice
Since when is ballet practice a family affair? Is there really room for each student to bring their entire family? Most studios I've seen have waiting areas sufficient to hold a hold a parent and yeah sometimes sibs have to come along but kids can sit on the floor or stand on the wall so adults can have the seats.
Let one parent take SD to ballet practice. If SS must go along because there is no one at home to watch him for that hour or so, that's fine and expected. However it is ridiculous for three or four adults to show up for ballet practice.
If BM made it a point to mention that, then obviously she's the one talking to the kid about it. I think it is fine to have one big chat with the boy about how the parents are not going to marry again, and each have other partners, but ballet practice can be settled with telling him that only one parent needs to take a child to any kind of practice.
BD might want to have a short talk with BM, or send her an email, and tell her that he doesn't agree with excluding the new partners. Who knows if that will get BM to stop but at least Dad can say he tried.
Thank you everyone for your
Thank you everyone for your help. I know its not really the 6 year olds fault when he says things like that but it does still hurt. DH did talk to him and part of the issue is that ss6 is tired of going between homes. DH and BM live about 5 mins from each other so its very easy to pick up kids for an afternoon & so forth. DH gets kids on days he's off work & hopefully when school starts again we will have ss6 full-time again so its less confusing. Thanks again...hopefully explaining lots of people love him will help ss6 cope.