Why would you help someone who is just looking for a handout? Especially when she could be govt financed but wants to be near her BFF. My vote says to take back your offer. If she wants to go to college, she goes in her home country. Don't throw the little spare money you have away on someone else's whim, just don't. Even if you set conditions, you will have no control over what she does. Spare yourself the regrets, frustration and anger. 

She needs to get help for her mental issues, first. This is just throwing away good money.

Do you have a martyr complex?

Why doesn't your husband pay any household expenses?! And if he doesn't, why doesn't HE support HIS kid? 

Honestly, you should dig deep and figure out why you allow yourself to be used. You ARE being used.

Also agree with above. Without mental help first, this is throwing money away. 

It is also throwing money away, given she could attend for free but is chosing not to. If SHE chooses to pay for what is free, SHE should be paying. 

I have just read over your other post. Stop this lunacy NOW. She has already consumed most of your husband's income one way or another and a fair chunk of yours too. If she wants a college education, she has to figure out how to finance it. Beggars can't be choosers. There are kids in the US who would give their eye teeth for what her govt is offering.

REMINDER - every cent you give her is a cent that you are taking away from your own children. Put any available money aside in a fund for your own children's education... Or into your retirement fund. Don't throw it away on a spoilt brat who's never been held accountable. 

You are wanting to give money to someone who has not spoken to you in TWO+ YEARS??? She's drained her dad??? He pays no bills???

I say this with compassion. You really need to seek out counseling and discover why you are letting yourself be so horrifically used by people who don't give a crap about you.

There are plenty of great causes to support. Your SD is not one. Best to you.  
 

I wouldn't give her the money.  You have your own kids you could spend your money on; as you said,  you're not rich, so saving for a rainy day is always a good idea; and this girl does not have a loving relationship with you and seems only interested in a handout. Why would you want to give her money?   

No. No.

My DH wouldn't even give his own daughter money for college. She treated him horribly when he tried to discuss her plans with him. This was after two years of her not speaking to him and before that another two years of estrangement (PAS).

He said that he's not a wallet and won't give money to someone who refuses to have a relationship with him.

Learn from that.

Please don't do this! I am serious. KEEP THE MONEY. I really hope you listen to the advise above. She does not care about you and this is not the right thing for you to do - Take that money and save it for YOU! If you feel you cannot, then give it to your kids. This is not going to end well and she is not going to appreciate your gift. Please keep us updated on what you end up doing. We will support you no matter what your decision is, but hopefully you start to put yourself first. 

See through reality and logic.

she is overseas in the EU, she had the option of public/govt funded uni assumedly with loans or minimal cost but chose the expensive option to go to another country which was not a necessity but a want.

she has 2 parents who were responsible for setting up a trust fund or savings for college if they chose to- they didn't.

you have 2 kids of your own that you are financially responsible for. What happens when you pour all this money to someone who is ungrateful and doesn't even have a relationship with you? Just treats you like an atm since she bled daddy dry?? 
 

now think to when you're bled dry and your kids are ready to go to college/university and you have no money to give. How is that fair?

sd is an adult and perfectly capable of getting a job. Mental illness or not, she needs to learn as an adult money doesn't grow on trees.

don't be guilted into paying for sd's education because it has never been your responsibility and you are taking money out of savings and retirement for someone who won't care if you end up homeless.

her dad has been bled dry, her dad isn't even contributing to any household bills. Is he even working? You really need to start looking at your finances hard because you are being taken advantage of

smh

Take care of you and your own children. Let daddy and BM figure out how to care for their failed family spawn.  Better yet, SD is an adult. Let her figure her own shit out.

You have gotten good advice here.  I think the answer is "no".. I cannot afford to do this.  She is a poor gamble.. she won't repay you.. you know that.. why even go through the motions of setting ground rules she is likely to not be able to or be inclined to keep? 

She isn't your responsibility.. she will have to figure her own way through this.  

You are not obligated.. and if your DH is pressing you?  I might look to him for not supporting his own needs.. and he can keep his hands out of your purse.

She's in europe and she'll be fine.  She is living where there are social safety nets.  And if she wants free University she can move to her home country.

You, on the otherhand, have two small children who need you to support them.  You also need to make sure you have an emergency fund for problems and need to ensure you are creating a retirement fund.  You don't have the resources to pay for someone else's child to go to University.

If your DH, her dad, is pushing for this just say "no".  If he needs anything more, then tell him that SD has two parents and you aren't one of them.

I agree with the other posters.  Just say no.  This isn't your problem or your responsibility.  This is her problem.  It sounds like she is an adult?  If you pay for education, she'll just keep coming to you for handouts and you will never get your money back if she flunks out of school. Also, it sounds like she has treated you poorly in the past and I doubt paying for her education will change how she feels about you. 

If I were you, I would wash my hands of this situation. I wouldn't give her a dime.

I mean, I agree with everyone else. Especially when she has the option for FREE education?!? She just "doesn't want to go there"?? She has an amazing option right at her fingertips- why would you pay, when you have 2 kids of your own and you don't have a relationship with her? 

This honestly doesn't make sense. I would never pay for a kid to go to college when they have a FREE option. Also, SS16 will be going, but he's going to pay himself, with student loans. There are other options that don't involve you paying and losing your money. 

It's a hard no from me. 

Kopfschmerz, OP, please come back and talk to us. 

She still plans on nursing? I am not sure how countries in Europe handle the 'mental breakdown" she had and nursing. In the states, the board of nurses don't take this lightly. They ask every 2 years about mental health, new diagnosis or hospitalizations. She is an adult now she needs to figure how to pay for things herself or go in her home country for free. 

You need to meditate on the image of you having to tell your bios that you are broke and can't do for them because SD got all your effort, time and money.  Picture that  in full details.  The sad looks, feel the anger coming at you from them, the overwhelmingly failure in the pit of your chest, the realization that you F'd this up and there is no fixing it.  As your bios grow, get married have kids of their own, there's a distance with them that can't be overcome. All because you put faith in SD.  And she's no where to be found.   You're broke, old and alone.  
 

Now meditate on telling SD no, cutting off DH and giving your all to your bios. What does that look like ?   Feel like?    
Does that make things clearer to you? 

You need to stop the enabling. It is not your job to support her. She's an adult; she needs to be treated like one and learn to support herself.  You are not helping her at all paying for her education especially when a free one is available. This truly is not your problem but you are making it yours. You really think she's going to be thankful? Treat you better.  Hell no; she's just going to ask for more. 

When SD went to college, I made DH support her.  I didn't put 1 penny into her education. 

You seem way too OK being a floor mat for your DH and dipshit SD... Loving you does not deplete your DH love for his Daughter... Mentally Ill parents don't ruin every child's life... We are never too old to find happiness and purpose and your SD has even started - except with excuses. Sorry that your situation sounds so miserable - just want you to not bear the ENTIRE weight of your family world.  Lots of jobs out there  DH can use to supplement his lack of income - even temporarily.  Get a backbone and some attitude.  Sorry to sound so harsh - just want better for you!

and to provide opportunity for your own children. Ms. Nursing School Drop Out is not longer worthy of nor is she earning the behefit of your resources.