stepchilds friends
Im writing this for my sister. Her husbands daughter is coming into town with a few friends and staying with her mother's father. My sister is hosting thankgiving next week. Her husband thinks his daughter and her friends(who my sister doesnt know at all and either does he) and the grandfather should be invited for thanksgiving dinner with all of us. I say yes to the daughter but no to everyone else. We dont know these people. Makes it very uncomfortable. I say she could have the daughter and her friends over in a more casual way..maybe for pizza. I dont think the ex's father needs to come at all. Her husband is flipping out saying we are all unsocialable. I think he is crazy for even asking my sister to do this. What does everybody else think?
I don't see the big deal. I
I don't see the big deal. I think your sister wants to control the situation. If her DH gets along with his exFIL, then it isn't an issue.
exactly...the daughter has
exactly...the daughter has even seen her dad in years..she chose not to...and now for the first time he wants to have her and all her friends to our thanksgiving dinner...its usually me or my sister that host and its her turn...my mom is coming and suffers from dymentia and does some rather odd stuff and my sister and i really dont want strangers seeing this...and to answer the question from another person my sisters husband doesnt lift a finger in the kitchen to help.
One thing I've found is that
One thing I've found is that most people (including/especially my kids' friends) are very accepting of the elderly's issues. I've had a lot of teens/young adults here for family dinners, and I can't think of a time when I've gotten giggles, smirks, comments, etc. when it came to my parents' farting, spilling food when chewing, my Dad's coughing fits, my Mom's repeating the same question ad nauseum, etc. *I* get annoyed, but these kids have never shown anything but good behavior. And after it all? They invariably help clear up, and I overhear them telling my kids "Your grandparents are SO cute!" and "I love your Mom - you're so lucky!"
Kids learn from what is modeled to them, and rise to expectations. Of this I am convinced. Yes, really. And I've had all manner of kids here, who I have not raised.
If you're not comfortable and
If you're not comfortable and this is not in keeping with your family traditions, then don't invite them.
Holidays in our house have always been very open to anyone. We welcome in just about anyone who needs a meal or some company .. family or not. Some are friends we know well, some are lonely strangers from church. I can't tell you how many friends I dragged into our home growing up at the holidays who didn't have parents around or family to care about the holidays. Most of them met my parents for the first time at those dinners.
Completely up to you (or your sister) and what you guys feel comfortable with.
I, personally, wouldn't have
I, personally, wouldn't have a problem with it. The more the merrier! My son is bringing a boatload of friends who have nowhere to go this TDay - mostly because their families have disowned them. My brother refuses to come (OMG - all those queer people around!). Oh well - we'll have more fun w/o him.
Given that Dad is ALSO hosting TDay dinner, he should have some say in the guest list. Or is it just your sister's party?
This is a good point. We've
This is a good point. We've heard what the BIL thinks .. and what the OP thinks .. but not really what the sister thinks.
If sister and BIL are hosting the event, and BIL is okay with it, I guess I don't see the big deal. But .. their house, their rules.