Stepdaughter keeps challenging my authority (rant)
I keep telling my DH that his daughter's ways is very distasteful. She's 15 going on 4 and it's annoying. When he goes to work, I'm there alone with her along with her brother (13) and my 11 month old twin boys. DH has them do chores every night so they know what to & what NOT to do without being told. Or at least I thought. Simple thing; sweep & mop. Sounds easy right? Not to SD15. I told her that her dad said to do what you're supposed to do even without anyone telling you. She retorts with "well I didn't have to do it the day before yesterday." So I calmly told her to just do what your father asked to do and she gets mouthy. I had to call him at work to get him to tell her himself what had to be done. It's maddening! Here I am, caring for babies & his brat ; cooking and feeding them out of tiredness, even go as far as to go out and buy them snacks that their dad told me I didn't have to get only to get disrespected over what? Chores? Sheesh! This is not the first time either. I've been told that I shouldn't even handle the chores part and let dad handle the situation but it's my house too and I like a clean house and rules should be followed when he's not here as well. I don't know what else to tell him. It's like stuff likes that happens and he just sweeps it under the rug. Her brother is not like that. Although he has his moments but he has common sense not to go far. ok, rant over I guess.
Well I guess first thing
Well I guess first thing first is to stop doing favors for her. If she can't sweep up, then you shouldn't go and get her special snacks or whatever the latest thing on her wish list is.
My DH works long shifts, and I just go to school so I take care of the house. But it's maddening that I constantly clean up after DH, and all the mess the dog brings in and her fur. I can't complain about my parrots mess because they are mine. Then once you add SS14 to the mix, I get another person to clean up after and it's not fair.
SS14 does not have any chores here because dad wants his time here to be fun, and half of his visitation here is spent in the car anyways. ~12 hours total in the car every other weekend.
I want a clean house too, and I am pregnant and already getting bent out of shape that my DH does NOTHING on his days off. He had 3 weeks off at Xmas, guess what he got done? NOTHING. He sat like a bump on the couch for three entire weeks. While I puke my guts out with morning sickness, he keeps SS for almost two weeks, and I am still cooking and cleaning, while those two idiots can't even pick up the vacuum for me and get rid of the clumps of dog fur floating all over the house!
I don't know the solution to the clean house. It makes me mad as hell. Because if I do not clean, DH will not clean it, so it never gets clean. He tells me not to worry, he will clean out the pan from dinner, just soak it for him. Three freaking days later, it's still sitting on the counter, soaking in dawn dish soap, still not even touched. @#%@##%@#%#%^@#^@#^@#^@#^ It's not even a cheap pan that sucks to clean, they are hella expensive non stick ciculon or whatever pans that just wipe up with a soft sponge. SO RIDICULOUS!!!!
I feel your pain.
Honey, hire a cleaner and let
Honey, hire a cleaner and let your DH pay her. Either he does his part of the chores, or he pays someone else to. Simple.
^^This seriously. All I have
^^This seriously. All I have to do is tell DH that I'm going to hire someone to do "such and such" since he's "too busy" and miraculously he's right on it.
*Note: Just wait until you have two twin teenage boy slobs. Your own kids will be great in some ways buy awful in others...believe me.
Time to apply some
Time to apply some consequences. Flush her smart phone. Lesson delivered.
They live here full custody.
They live here full custody. The mopping isn't a problem, it's the full on "you can't tell me what to do" attitude that's what gets me. It wasn't for the whole house either, just by the front door, that's it!
I'm not sticking up for your
I'm not sticking up for your SD..trust me, I know what its like to have a sk that does not respect your rules, and thinks they don't have to listen when daddy isn't around. But, from a different perspective..I have a dd18, and let me tell you, girls can be rotten., my daughter started about 14 going on 15, never wanted to do her chores, and at that time, sweeping the floor and moping ( wet swifter) was also a chore for her. I would stagger her chores, one day it might be sweep and mop, then next it could be windex bathroom mirrors, usually I would give 2 small chores one day, and 1 larger chore the next. She doesn't give me any grief now that she's 18, but let me tell you for a few years there I could of strangled her..huff, puff, eye roll, slam doors, mumble under her breath, she was a brat! She had no motivation at all, I felt I had to ride her butt to get her to do anything, but when she turned 16 things started to change a bit, she used common sense more, it just got much better. It's an age thing.. Give it time. Teen girls can be very hormonal, and it comes with a side of bad attitude.
Hang in there, hopefully it's a age thing for you to, and it will get better.
Yeah actually I know it's the
Yeah actually I know it's the whole whiny teenager phase but this is only part of the picture. It's not just when it comes to chores, it's anything I have a say in. I could tell her to clothes the refrigerator door when she leaves it open & she'll still have an attitude about it. Plus, when her dad isn't there, she's a completely different person. Acts like Daddy's little sweetheart with the baby voice.
Love it! Just had spoiled
Love it! Just had spoiled ADULT SD tell me "And get that paperwork done so I can pay my bills" I laughed and told her to fuck off. I said who the FUCK do you think you're talking to? I don't owe you shit! As a matter of fact, lose my number, forget my name and stay away from my family, my life and get a job so you can pay your own bills. She is DEAD to me forever. Fiance can do what he wants - I told him you are never to use our money, our assets, my money, my assets, they aren't welcomed here and I aint ever going back east to visit. IF you don't like it you leave and go back to your sad fucking family who treated you with disrespect. I don't give a rats ass! Stick up to these little bitches or they will never learn!
Yeah, SDs in our house have
Yeah, SDs in our house have no "chores." I've seen DP even flinch when that word is mentioned.
Seriously.
Yesterday, he cleaned out the trash bins in their bedrooms and bathroom, something THEY are supposed to be doing. And I keep my mouth shut tight.
I had one last discussion about 2 weeks ago with DP recently about SD12's room and ended it with that. So now, when I go to retrieve my bowls/glasses from her room next week, I am simply going to dump the contents on her bed (since DP can't seem to even make her bring them up) and take them up so I can use them. This is better than me cleaning up ALL of her stuff and trash bagging it. I don't care about her stuff but I'm done waiting for the general household stuff to be returned...she has no respect then I have no respect. But no discussion no arguments.
I don't buy anything for SDs any longer, except for every so often some "real food" items...no snacks, no treats, nothing. No school supplies, no craft supplies. Nothing. They don't do anything to help with house I don't help with anything for them.
This week has been pretty much full on disengaged but for one blow up at DP recently about SDs taking stuff that was off limits to them, but I'm back on.
Just stop interacting with her at all.
You need to rule those skids
You need to rule those skids with FEAR. I started my skids young on that and they are afraid of me. I am completely disengaged but 2 or 3 times a year I completely lose it just to keep those bitches on their toes . Remember , what you allow , will continue . I will not be ruled by others in my own house and neither should you .