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Stepkids driving me crazy! New member here!

ISaidNo's picture

Hi everyone, I am very excited to have found this community! I am a stepmother to 6 and biomother to 2. DH has 6 kids with first wife, SS24, SD22, SD17,SD14, SD13 and SD5. Yes, you read that right, I have FIVE stepdaughters! DH's first wife passed away from cancer when SD5 was less than a year old. DH and I met a couple years later. We have two children together, BS3 and BS1. We are also hoping to have more and are currently TTC. I have had issues with my stepchildren from day one and they have tried everything to break up DH and I. They always make themselves out to be the victims ans most of DH's family "on the kid's side". DH knows how his children can be and made it clear when we started dating and married that they would respect or face the consequences of losing a relationship with him. I am a very lucky girl to have a DH who will defend and protect me from anything. I have had iaaues with the stepchildren over the years and DH has always been on my side. SS24 is married with three children, he told DH he was crazy to amrry me and have more children. He is the most respectful though, and has never said or done anything disrespectful to my face. He is the only one who takes any interest in our children.He is currently being hospitalized due to some issues with a lifelong, but managable illness. When DH bought a card and flowers from the two of us he actually sent me a thank you text! I was floored! We do manage to have some sort of a relationship with him and his wife(who is a very sweet girl, she also has a stepmother she considers a second mother so she knows how the whole blended family thing works, we get along very well and are close) and spend lots of time with the grandbabies, who are close in age to our kids! SD22 is married and lives on the same block as us :sick: She hasn't done anything specific that comes to mind, she is just distant to me and I could tell she has never approved of our relationship/marriage, anytime she is around she always brings up "the old days" to DH and she barley speaks to me. SD17 is your typical "I know everything, OMG just leave me alone!!! *whine*" teen, she is honestly going no where in life, is failing school and only cares about her older boyfriend and her friends. All she wnats to do is get married and have "tons of cute babies". She has called me a bitch and screamed at me, when I announced I was pregnant with BS3 she had a sobbing fit and told DH she was gonna runaway if he showed any love to our baby! Seriously! The younger three are terrors as well! SD14 has been caught sneeking boys into the house and has already had a pregnancy scare! She is out of control at times and is currently on a major grounding, she has the door taken off of her room and everything has been removed expect for her bed(along with pillows and blankets) a desk with no drawers and a chair, and laundry baskets that contain her clothes. We have even had to take the closet doors off because she has hid weed and booze anywhere she can find. We actually sent her to live with SS and DIL for a couple weeks, as DIL has experience with troubled teens and even she couldn't deal with her! SD13 is her mini me, she does whatever SD14 tells her and SD14 uses her as her little flying monkey to get to me. SD13 is a competivite dancer and dances 6 times a week, she told DH if we have a daughter she is "not allowed to do dance". She tells everyone she is "daddy's favorite" and does the whole mini wife routine whice DH shuts down every time. She has told me that DH will never love me like he loved her mother, she cries and runs out of the room every time we kiss or DH pays me a little attention. She even went as far as to cut and destroy some very expensive lingerie I bought! SD5 is quickly following in her older's sister's footsteps, they are teaching her to "get back at ISaidNo". DH and I are quickly trying to change her behavior, for the most part she can be a very sweet little girl and is very close with me. This whole acting like her sisters thing has only begun recently. She has no memory of her mother and usually comes to me before DH for comfort ect. Since I am a SAHM, she calls me mommy most of the time. Hopefully we can work things out with her. Anyway, sorry for rambling lol I am very excited to connect with other step moms and share stories! I hope to chat with you all soon! Smile

nelly's picture

Hello!
Well the fact that your dh has your back even when it comes to your step kids makes up for the fact you have six of them! Lol! I wish my bf would grow a pair and have my back too!

giveitago's picture

Welcome!
Though my DH is not a widower we have six kids in total, if I add all the 'adopted' ones then that makes probably about 106! It's tough when little girls just will not stop the bad behaviors, I sincerely hope you can turn that baby around, it sounds like you both have a good handle on it. I hope and pray that you do not have to experience the whole juvenile justice thing with her...that is a NIGHTMARE from HELL.
What I read is that your DH is a great guy, level headed and firm. One of the things with kids is that they'll do what they want to do...the trick is in getting them to WANT to do what's good for them, right?

I am not sure what anyone else thinks, and this occurred to me just now, does anyone think that the absence of mommy causes little girls to 'step up' and try and take her place? I am thinking that it's the interim between daddy being divorced or widowed, up until the time daddy is ready to meet someone else. Maybe it's that the grieving process makes these guys more vulnerable and an easy target and the daughters 'step in' so to speak and then any woman is competition? Just a thought!

Orange County Ca's picture

A rare breed. A BF who backs up SM. With his first wife gone under terrible circumstances he has a different perspective on his family but he is still to be commended for not just marrying a caretaken but someone he actually wants to act like a mother.

SanAntonioSoccerMom's picture

Very well said skygoddess. These kids had a traumatic event that they may never truly get over. Losing a mother as a child as to be one of the worst things I can imagine. A bit of sympathy and empathy is absolutely necessary. Their whole world was turned upside down and now they have a new family to adjust to. I would hope everyone involved would be in some sort of counseling either alone or together to get things sorted out.

My oldest SS had a friend in his senior year of High School, whose mother died of cancer around Thanksgiving time. By June, dad remarried a woman (who lost her husband in Iraq) and she had 5 children the youngest being 1 year old twins. Needless to say, two older boys moved out and have ZERO relationship with their father. They feel extremely slighted and feel that their father disrespected them and their mother. Unfortunately now I think it is too late to repair any relationship, had they went to grief counseling or something who knows things could have been very, very different.