Stepkids refuse to meet me
I am 27 years old and recently got married 3 months ago. My husband and I secretly had been seeing each other for years and then two years ago, he decided to come live with me. He was married before me and they had two chilrden, 19 & 15yo. Although he had been divorced from his first wife for almost 12 years, he at one time moved back in with them for personal reasons. The kids believed them to be "together" as a couple. I was seeing him when he was living there, and his ex-wife knew about me as well. When he decided he needed to do what was right and for us to be together openly, the kids were very upset. They refused to see him and say they never want to meet me. I know they are upset because they felt betrayed since they believe their mom and dad were together, but it is not my fault that he didn't love their mom. There was a reason they got divorced all those years ago. While he was living there, he didn't even sleep in the same room with his ex. The kids are just oblivious to life I guess and couldn't see what was really going on. I am getting very upset because at what point should these kids be told to grow up or get over it? They are in college and high school...their parents had been divorced for 12 years, it was ok for them to see other people. I am involved with his family and they love me and my son from a previous relationship...but they make special arrangements for his kids still. Because they are childish and don't want to be around their dad, they make their grandparents plan two Christmas' just so they are happy. Oh, and they try to say they wont come unless their mom comes with them.. This is Bullshit, they are not babies and do not need their mom to hold their hand. I'm tired of everyone enabling them to act this way...what can I do?
I forgot to mention that my
I forgot to mention that my husband is 17 years older than me but we have the best relationship ever. He knew he would take chance of losing relationship with his kids when we moved in together, but he decided on his happiness instead of everyone else's for once. He has assumed dad role with my son, and is proud of it, for my son does not know his biological dad.
You can't do anything. Accept
You can't do anything. Accept it for what it is and be happy with your family. You don't need to meet them. Trust me, no good will come out of it anyway.
Hee, hee, that was my first
Hee, hee, that was my first thought!
I couldn't agree more... "go
I couldn't agree more...
"go outside tonight, dance in the rain or moonlight or stars or *whatever* and shout out to the heavens, "THANK YOU!!"
YES TO ALL OF IT!
I wish my Skids didn't want
I wish my Skids didn't want to meet me or be around me!!!! Consider this a blessing, u r lucky! You may feel bad for your DH or maybe you feel left out??? Take it from all the step's on here most (not all) skids are nightmares and create so much stress and tension in your relationship they ruin it! You should be grateful!!!!! You have no idea what you are missing!!!!
So Dad decided his own
So Dad decided his own happyness was more important than a couple of teenagers. Too bad he wasn't here before he made that choice I would have had some words for him and advised him to keep up the front until the kids were out of high school. Longer if they were still fragile emotionally.
Remember your history books mentioning 21 years being the age of adulthood? It was that way because society realized that in some ways we weren't fully grown (and still aren't). It was changed to 18 to recognize that in many ways we were. The point being in this case they're clearly still children and still vulnerable on this subject. They were hit twice.
You're the powerless new guy on the block - let the bio family work this out. Since you're an adult surely you can accomodate these children for a decade or so while they overcome the blows they've taken.
I'd imagine "dating in
I'd imagine "dating in secret" while he was living with his wife wasn't the best plan.
If his wife was fully aware, who was the dating "in secret" from?
How do you know they slept in separate rooms?
They divorced and THEN lived together?
Sorry, more questions than answers here. :?
I can only hope and dream
I can only hope and dream that I will never have to see SD27 again.
These parents screwed up, but
These parents screwed up, but you think the kids should just suck it up and move on? I can't say I would behave any differently if my parents did what these two did.
That said, listen to the above posters who say you are blessed. Accept it and YOU get over the issues that have arisen from this mess.
I agree with this.
I agree with this. ^^^
Divorcing & then moving back in , but they weren't "together" but the kids thought they were, dating in secret for years...?
Regardless of the reasons, if they were divorced, moving back in was the wrong thing to do.
The kids are grown. Leave it alone. Why would you be hard-pressed to meet 2 adults who don't like you anyway?
The ONLY one to blame here is
The ONLY one to blame here is your boyfriend. Nobody else. By him moving in with them, it made them think things would be ok between their parents. There is NO REASON at ALL for him to have moved back. If he couldn't make it on his own because of CS, etc. he could have found a roommate or gotten a second job. HE and only HE has caused this issue. Nobody else.
Sorry, but I think that this is not a good way to start a relationship. Maybe if the kids have some time, it might get better. But honestly, by you dating him WHILE HE LIVED THERE, I can't see where they will ever accept you. I know it sucks. I know that if he was divorced, you didn't see this coming...hmmm...but it is what it is. I can't see how they could accept it. At this point, your boyfriend or husband can either cut all ties with them, but if he's not willing to do that, and I doubt he will, these kids will forever blame you.