Why on  Earth are you bff with BM?  She has brought up TWO stepdaughter that hate their father, refuse to make amends for the drama they caused and you are having second thoughts.  Would you choose having your little one  turned into a battering ram against her father?  What pisdible good can come from this situation right now ?  Let's say this is a long range plan on BM's part.  Why the vengeance towards DH?   
 

I have an our's child with DH. I also had a BM try some games with me including the child.  I caught on to her evil ways quickly.  An ex spouse/partner has no business inserting themselves into the new family.   You already have drama. Why invite more?   

Yeah I agree.

Don't do this to yourself. Never mind your husband's mental health - what about yours??

Lastly you MUST protect your little daughter. Your SDs have shown you repeatedly that they can't be trusted one bit. Imagine if they called CPS on you again, for vengeance?  THINK ABOUT YOUR OWN DAUGHTER AND STAY STRONG ON THIS.

It might do you some good to google what healthy relationships and people look like.   After the SHTF I did just for clarity.  

Who reported you to CPS a second chance.  They kinda burned there bridge .  They whould have to do something.  Not just talk. Going to family counseling for start to get the issue worked out 

I get the impression that you are seeing this as an either/or situation.  Either maintain total distance from the girls, or return to your former close relationship.  You and we know you can't return to the former relationship given the rightful distrust you feel, especially the CPS call.  But its also unrealistic to be completely cut off from them since they are DH's children and will be in your life as long as you are with DH.

For the time being, I would encourage DH to see them outside the home.  See how that goes for awhile.  Then perhaps have them at the house for some type of occasion, like a birthday or Thanksgiving.  See how that goes.  I'd be polite and civil while you assess things.  I know it would be nice to hear an apology but I never believe those anyway since I only value what people do.  So if it were me, I'd let that go.

My goal would be a livable relationship with these people who are DH's children.  I wouldnt look for any love from them and I'd always watch my back.  I would totally disregard BM's overtures altho I"d be polite to her, too.  I would ignote all the talk about wanting to interact with your DD.  If the girls act right during the birthday or Thanksgiving visits, they will get to see her then.

Honestly, with the age differences, even in the best scenario, there wont be much of a relationship between all 3 kids, take it from me, I'm much older than my siblings.

Take the long view.  Good luck

None of the adults involved in your situation seem to understand the need for or respect healthy boundaries. There's an H who's fine with hiding behind your skirts, one of those faux-nice BMs who keeps trying to drag you back into what is honestly none of your business, and sweet people pleaser you who doesn't know what her role is/isn't or how to say NO.

Because these parents have no boundaries, because both seem to use you as a go between, and because BM wants to involve your your bio child, you simply MUST step back. The core problem is between a father and his older daughters - they need to work that out before access to you or your daughter should be considered. You need to stay out of their poo, which means disengaging completely. Stop overfunctioning for your H, stop allowing BM to drag you into their coparenting relationship. STOP COMMUNICATING WITH BM, PERIOD! THAT'S YOUR H's JOB! Create space so they can figure things out for themselves (or not; that's their perogative). 

Your role is to be a good parent to your daughter and a loving wife. Period. Dot. That's it. Accept that you can't trust the judgement of either your H or BM, protect your daughter from the toxicity of the SDs, and do whatever it takes to keep THEIR nonsense out of YOUR life.

You're not being objective about this at all. You want all this to be rosy and happy but you have a pair of SDs who called CPS on you ... why would you want to forgive that? You do realize that if they pulled that stunt again, you'd risk losing your daughter? IMO, they've burned their bridges. 

Your DH blocked BM years ago and you should have done the same. It is not your job to keep up the communication in their couple. Block her indefinitely and let her talk to your DH if she has something to say. If it's important, she'll find a way. 

The zoom meeting should be off the table. Your SDs showed their true colours in the past and do not deserve to "meet" their half-sister. 

They won't go to counselling? Won't apologize or make up? Not your problem. You hold the cards here - you have something they want so if they want it badly enough they will follow the rules that your DH has set out, otherwise no deal. I'd also stop going to any more meals with them - it's your DH's problem to solve, your presence might just be complicating things.

You say you want to help patch things up but has your DH asked you for any help? Why do you think that you're the one to do the patching? Remember that the line between being loving and forgiving and being a pushovr/doormat is very, very fine. Also, you are afraid of coming across as being mean ... having boundaries and respecting them is not being mean, it's totally normal and boundaries are designed to protect and be respected. If you don't have boundaries, people will walk all over you. 

I highly recommend blocking BM and SDs and taking a huge step back so that your DH can deal with them on his terms. 

I will be quite blunt.  There is likely ZERO real chance that a 14 yo and a 16 yo want to bond with a 2.5 month old child.  

There is something very wrong with this picture to me and you need to stop being so nice about it all.  

BM doesn't want to be your friend.  Her girls don't want to bond with their sister.

At best this is a ploy to get you and your DH roped in so they get more materialistic gifts and money.. at worst this is an attempt to sow seeds of discontent and drama in your toddler's life.

First order of business... they repair and maintain a relationship with their FATHER.

Second, they have meaningful efforts to repair and acknowledge the issues that occured in the past so that they can repair a relationship with you.

Then.. and only then.. when they are allowed to resume visitation do you begin to introduce them as part of the family to your baby.. NOT before.  

A Zoom meeting witha toddler? what in the crazy plan is that.. what toddler wants to be on a zoom call with two people they don't know?  that is stupid.

Forgiveness while putting yourself and your family forward as repeated and willing abuse victims is you abusing yourself, you DH, and your DD. 

Stop that.

Intellect, intellect, intellect. Enough with the feelings. Focus on fixing the problem.  Healing is not the goal, Ending the problem is the goal.

IMHO.

In my opinion and from my experience, it sounds like they are REALY effed up, in many ways. Theres Parental Alienation with their father (not your problem to solve), then theres the false accusations that could end up getting your child taken away from you (main problem for you to solve) and trying to untangle their level of effed up probably isnt the best use of your time and resources.

WATCH YOUR BACK! Ive trusted in the past and have a back thats got a lot of holes in it.

I totally agree with those who question why a 2.5 yr old needs to be on a zoom call with a couple of teens.  She will no doubt have plenty of years to establish a relationship with them if she chooses once she's old enough, but for now it is entirely up to you to protect her.  Cut their access to a minimum!
I was a stepdaughter and I hated my SM with a passion just because my Dad spent his money on her.  Now to be fair, she was a gold digger but she was always nice to me.  I just had the idea my Dad's money was mine, even though now years later I realise how stupid that notion was. I simply wanted her out of our lives and thank goodness they were too old to reproduce because I probably would've hated that kid!

I only say this because I can totally believe these naive young girls would go to some lengths to try to split you and DH, because so often young people truly don't realise the full implications of pushing too far for what they want.  Their calling CPS on you is full evidence that you should go greyrock on them, if only to protect yourself from more false accusations.

it might be a good idea to drop your self description as a "forgiving" person in this case.  First of all, if someone mugged you, would you seek them out as a friend?  These girls levelled false accusations against you!  The healthy thing to do is just stop trying to make everyone like you.  Friendship with BM is basically betraying your DH, ever look at it that way?

We all wanted a happy, functional, healthy blended family. However in most cases, we're here because of stuff that predates us and has little to do with us.

The skids blame us, BM blames us, and sometimes even the inlaws blame us. Heck, we blame ourselves. But Jackie, these people are part of a family that failed before you ever met your H. BM and your H screwed their kids up, and you don't have to suffer for that. These people already put you through Hell because you didn't know you had the right to tap out. Well, you do and you should.

There are some things that cause irreparable damage to relationships, things there's just no coming back from. Not because of spite or an unwillingness to forgive, but because we need to protect ourselves and can't unknow what we know. You, your H, and BM all have separate work to do in order to improve your respective situations. Regardless of whether they know this, you do and need to proceed accordingly. Remarriages, especially with kids, still have certain separate obligations no matter how smoothly things go, and you can still have a good marriage without getting involved with your H's stuff. It may not be the fairy tale, but it can be even better because it's based in truth and clarity.