this doesnt sound like a normal 17 yr old...does he have some kind of developmental disorder? I feel for you. if ur H thinks ur being harsh, then he should hear what I would say to that kid. I wouldnt take him anywhere, get a baby sitter, and treat as a child until he doesnt act like one. I know this wouldnt help probably, but i dont know if i could deal with all that any other way. You are one strong woman.

PS - my son is 9 yrs old and autistic and DOES NOT DO THIS...this is being an idiot.. }:)

I certainly don't think this is normal behavior for a 17-year-old. However, is he getting help for his Asperger's?

I really think the person with the problem here is DH. He has his head in the sand. He thinks SS is only joking around. It does not sound like he is getting SS any help for dealing with the Asperger's. Maybe he knows deep down that SS needs help, but doesn't want to deal with the fact that his kid has a disability? I don't know. What I do know is that by keeping his head in the sand about this, he's hurting and hindering SS, albeit unintentionally. The only way SS might change at this point is if his dad gets him proper help.

I have Asperger's too. I don't have the same exact symptoms your SS does, but I can say that getting professional help can make things a thousand times better. I hope that, for your sake and SS's, that DH will get this kid help.

Whether or not the behaviour is related to his aspergers, if particular behaviours are reinforced by those around them (in humans or animals) they will tend to become more entrenched and occur more often.
It sounds as if the behaviour you are describing has (probably not intentionally) been reinforced by attention or whatever else has occured as a result of it. You and your DH will need to work, possibly with the therapist, on extinguishing those behaviours. Your reaction - of getting angry, though perfectly understandable - may be, as your DHs "coddling and pampering", be prolonging this unwanted behaviour.

Even with aspberger's syndrome children will manipulate! My younger son is at the more able end of the spectrum and he's a very devious young man! I have a friend who has a son who is more autistic and he throws tantrums too, to achieve the desired result. It is a learned behaviour in ALL children, not just those with conditions like aspbergers, and it takes time to unlearn. I want to imagine that DH will feel bad enough that he is the cause of it, and BM too...if she has a concience! It's probably going to have to be undone more subtly, to achieve a better pace to unlearn the behavior. SD has a lot of learned behaviors that came from BM, behaviors that got her before a juvenile judge. Functional family therapy was one thing that the juvenile judge ordered, the thinking is that if the parenting style is re structured then the impacts are felt all the way down the line. There is no instant fix, positive reinforcement works very well and not getting upset works even better! The boy is trying to train you the same way he trained his parents and he's struggling hard with it...he will persist too!! The boy does not know any other way to do things so I believe that the best thing you can do is to teach him social skills. He's not a stupid boy, not by any means! I am reading that he knows exactly what he's doing, right? I am willing to bet that DH knows what's wrong but is in denial, or feeling guilty. I think the therapist really should be the one to let him know that his secret is out, and guide him through a process. I know I tried to effect changes here but until a third party enlightned DH I was wasting my time! Have you thought about what to do next? Can I suggest that you look for some positive aspects about the boy? Praise him when he does something good, ignore him when he does something bad. I found that to be helpful with our juvenile delinquent girl here. I never dignified a child's tantrum, just ignored it. Make sure he's safe and ignore him completely and he'll soon get the picture that his behavior is not achieving the desired results. DH might take a while to get around to the idea but he'll make it, trust me, he wants a solution but he has to begin the change within himself. This is where you plant the seeds of change, most pleasantly, in his mind and watch them germinate. It takes about three weeks for an idea you plant to get through to him and to become like his own idea and you can let him consider he found the solution! Say something like I agree with you that SS's behavior was a little inapropriate, ask him how best to deal with it too. NO ONE likes to bear the brunt of blame for wrongdoings. Once you shift the focus away from blame, eliminate it if you can, then maybe the solution will come.

You all shouldve left when he became inappropriate. I know that that spoils the evening for you, but it looks like it was spoiled already-regardless of whether this is an "aspergers" sx or not-it still cannot be ignored and accepted as appropriate. The goal is to teach aspergers kids appropriate social skills so they have an easier time functioning in society. Dh cannot ignore this behavior-if it is not corrected how is it going to get any better ever? He does probably delight in pissing you off-so I dont think I would show any anger with him-just get up and leave and say that it is not appropriate to whine and raise one's voice in a restaurant and since he cannot have appropriate behavior there he will no longer be going out to eat with you guys. Let him "practice" his good table manners at home. Give him consequences for bad behavior/rewards when his behavior is good.

I really feel for you with this kid. I have no idea why a teenage boy would act like a 2 year old. I'm sure 2 year olds don't even act like this.

Your husband is in huuuuuge denial. He has to know that 17 year old boys don't act like this. He should be forced to go around other aspergers teens to see that they don't act like this.

Does anyone remember the movie Dirty Rotten Scoundrels where Steve Martin had to play Ruprict? That would drive me nuts!

I am so sorry for you! I think I would have walked out of the restaurant! Is it possible that this kid needs residential treatment?

I agree with Maux. This would be so embarrassing. We have a relation (Age 17)who is pretty strange and some of his behaviors remind me of your SS, only not so sever and they are DEFINITELY learned! If it works, they use it.

I often wonder how that kid will function. We were just saying the other night that he will likely be living in his mommy's basement still when he is 40. It's all her doing, what's he supposed to do? Learn to be a man at this late date? I don't think he'll be fully functional in society. So sad, but so terribly annoying! I don't think I'd be going out to dinner with him and DH anymore. If you're making such a big deal about it, let him deal with it. I hope you people don't think he's yours! You're likely to be asked not to come back the restaurant with scenes like that. I'm wondering what happens when he turns 18? Will anything change as far as visitation? I expect he'll always come around wanting to be taken to dinner. I feel so bad for him, but it doesn't seem like there's anything you can do. How awful!

I would suggest finding a Aspie forum and ask those members questions. i don't know your story, but can u just sit the lil dude down, pull the silver spoon from his mouth, and have a nice lil chat with him while keeping your cool? Also, can he join the service with this disease? he needs to get out of the house and into the real world asap. life is 2 short to deal with this ish.

How can this kid go to college? Make it from class to class? I think if he goes to college he will be there a LONG time.