Is there a legal way to stop harassment?
So I fist tind this very very sad that I even have to ask this question but is it possible to do something legally to stop contact with hateful teenagers? My husband had to block them recently because they are very nasty hateful and angry. The one has been admitted for mental health issues and I know the other one has mental health issues as well seeing a phychologist being on different meds. The mom doesn't respond to either of us and allows it. I stopped trying years ago but there needs to be a limit. They can't keep finding ways to bash and be nasty through social media or made up numbers because they r jealous and their brains are filled with nonsense.
Here's just one of the messages sent yesterday. It's been going on for years now. Their mom clearly could care less....clearly they have the stories all wrong and they could care less to hear what my dh and I have to say. Its funny because they used to visit 3 days a week until they were 10 and 12...if we were so aweful to them why were they so happy to be with us?
Apparently Fil MIL SIL did this to bm when my dh and her were together. Said they were all aweful to her. We are still ok with MIL but FIL and sil have listened to this bs and have blown us up with nonsense too. I blocked them all a while back.
sd16:
yk what "dhs name" i don't care anymore i never want to see you again you're the worst dad in the whole fucking world im done holding this shit back bc im absolutely LIVID right now your wife is a HORRIBLE person every single thing sil said in that message is 100% true i read it and i was happy she sent that bc someone needs to stick up for me sd14 and the rest of the family bc dad you treat them terribly growing up made me realize how terrible you were to me as a kid always yelling at me for no reason making me cry making me feel bad about myself as a CHILD dad I WAS A FUCKING LITTLE GIRL. and you did it to anna too sm made it worse with her little manipulative ways you guys are like a cult you're gonna regret how you treated this family as you get old you're 40 years old and don't know how to act like a man you claim you love me and sd14 but honestly it doesn't fucking feel like it i know all about you and your past and your present i can probably even predict your future so here's this. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOUUUUUUU. im done with you and sms games you wanna go and tell my sister bs about mil fil and sil??? seriously? and you're STILL bad mouthing me??? are you INSANE?? clearly bc you know the truth. you know your wife got cps called bc she was verbally abusing me. i was 14. just starting highschool. you both are awful human beings and i want nothing to do with you ever again. i hope you're happy. you're gonna drive that baby insane and she's gonna grow up and wonder why she doesn't see her dads side of the family or her sisters. i hope sm happy too bc she got what she wanted. a life without sd14 and sd16. thanks a lot dhs name. you're DEAD to me. also " sils " wedding was SO much better then yours.
No, you cannot sue minors.
And yes, their brains are filled with nonsense because that's probably what BM is shoving into them.
I suggest your DH no longer share these messages with you because it is his issue to deal with and there is not much you personally can do about it anyway.
Your DH can respond shortly and compassionately to his daughter" SD, it breaks my heart to hear how upset and hurt you are. I am sorry for causing you upset and would like to talk to you one-on-one to hear you out. Whatever you decide, just know that I love you and I am always here for you." Then see what happens.
The other option is for DH to go nuclear and tell BM that she needs to ensure the daughters are following the custody/visitation schedule as per ordered, or he will be visiting a lawyer to find out what his options are. BM is obviously PASing the skids and is doing a fine job of it. You, as SM, are nothing more than a scapegoat for them to lob their turd-balls at.
I dont even care about how
I dont even care about how they feel or what dh will do about it but knowing they both are meds and have mental health issues seeing a phychologist I worry about future damage. They r now blocked. So what next? Will they vandalize my car. 16 year old drives now. My husband thinks I'm paranoid. But honestly after dealing with this hate for so long and watching how teens react these days without resolving issues look how they lash out. I want to file a police report just to have it documented. Think I should?
if you receive threats or
if you receive threats or property damage file a police report every time. put in a ring viedo system for evidence. if they call you, block them. let them live their angry hate filled lives. use the legal system to protect yourself though. broken window? police report. car scratched? file police report. they make threats file police report. protect yourselves.
She didn't make any violent
She didn't make any violent threats so not much the police would do. If she did that would be different. What DH could do is to send the police to BM's house for a "well check " on his little darlings. A visit or two from the cops might change their tunes. You will have to come up with a valid reason for them to go over there and you don't want to annoy the cops either with this so they eventually ignore you but you must (or we) should be able to come up with a few reasons why the girls would need a visit from the cops to check on their "well being". Abusers don't like to be exposed.
For you own sanity, draw some hard boundaries around your home and marriage. DH should handle all of this , even cut them off from abusing either of you. Don't hesitate to call the cops on any of them is they up their game. Maybe a typed lettter, register mail, spelling out the behaviors and new boundaries and consequences might be called for.
Relational aggression is "mean girl mentality ". Look it up. Sounds like you might have that going on.
I am assuming that even if
I am assuming that even if there were some legal options available, that your DH would most likely not be willing to square up against his minor children in court.. or want them prosecuted. So, it's not really a legal issue in that sense.
Honestly, it seems the only "legal" recourse he should be seeking is to force family therapy with his kids. It sounds like they have a lot of things that need to be worked through.. between them.. and probably within themselves. It also appears they are getting some influence from others.. SIL? BM? MIL? If those are your DH's relatives.. he should be telling them clearly to CUT it OUT. But, pursuing counseling is probably his best bet.
As far as the hurtful messages? I guess he could block his kids. ( and you should have them blocked if they can't control the urge to lash out).. but I'm assuming he wants to keep lines of communication open. That means he has the risk of getting these kinds of messages. I don't think it's helpful to share them with you... it is upsetting and stressful.. and this is something he has to deal with as their parents.
He could respond
"SD, I'm sorry you are hurting and I have asked you many times to join me in therapy so that we can work through your feelings in a safe and non-judgemental environment. I love you and am willing to work on our relationship, but you have to want that too. daddy"
Document, archive, and roll it out when they are older and
spouting more crap.
My BIL1's wife was toxic as can be for a number of years when they married. To the point that she/they sent my FIL a letter spouting about how he would never be Grandpa to their children, if he cared he would have held their eldest daughter in the hospital (he came to the hospital from work where led a shit spreading crew that sprayed liquified dairy cow crap on farmer's fields), etc, etc, etc... FIL sent that letter to my wife and asked that she keep it and share it with his grandkids when they became adults so they would know that he loved them and was not allowed to be their Grandpa.
My FIL was devastated by that letter and he was in tears over it on several occassions over the years. Blessedly they did have a reconciliation for the last few years my FIL lived. Though only because my wife finally climbed up her brothers ass and the very large ass of his bovine bride. It took a few years after that, combined with zero tolerance and full publication of all of the facts (though not the letter) to the rest of my IL clan in order to counter BIL1 and BB's crap. Once BIL1 and the BB were thoroughly bared of ass they pulled their heads out and started treating people at least acceptably well. One of my FIL's last requests was for my DW to shred the letter. She did. Though I advised her to keep it.... just in case it was needed to roll up and smack them with. Figuratively of course.