There's an old saying about "lying in the bed you've made"
I have never personally been one to believe that just because your related by blood that this gives people the right to treat each other however they feel.
My SD who is almost 7 plays soccer every week 2 nights a week for about the past month. Her BM and I usually go to practices and games (it's not as awful as it sounds), my DH has been out of town since she started soccer and I suspect the only reason that BM goes is to put on a show. Usually when she's there she has her face glued to phone the entire time.
At almost the end of practice she tells me that after we dropped SD off Sunday night (yes Mother's day night) that she began to cry hysterically. My first thought was "oh no" we did something wrong. She then tells me that it's because we brought her home and she missed DH and I and didn't want to be there with her mom. Her mom then looked to my for sympathy over it.
I just wanted to tell her well duh, you never spend any amount of time ever with her. You send her away every weekend and on school nights you send her to her room to play alone, you do nothing but order her around and ignore her. You put no effort into being her mother. Sure you gave birth to her and that's nice and all but she has no bond with you because you have no time it seems.
DH and I are the ones that play with her, take her shopping, go do fun things. I'm the one that paints her nails and draws pictures with her, we bake together and read stories. It just amazes me that women think because they spent 9 months pregnant that this makes them a "mom." No it makes you breeding stock....being a mom is about putting time and effort in about being there for your kid even when they're at their worst.
My SD BM told me this last night and I just wanted to say to her enjoy lying in the bed your making yourself.
^^^^ I disagree. Spending
^^^^ I disagree. Spending time and doing fun things with a kid doesn't make you a Disney parent. Not doing anything else BUT those fun things and giving into every whim makes you a Disney parent. She never spoke about the other times she has with the kid. She might also do homework, reading, chores etc with her as well.
She also didn't say if mom
She also didn't say if mom works. Providing for your kid kinda trumps nail painting,coloring....
The OP did say mom attends soccer, so it's not like she's just tossing the kid to side. This may be a case of the BM not following SMs blueprint of how to interact with your child.
If dad and SM have made their house the fun house, the it's only natural that the kid wants to be spend more time there.
While I get where you're
While I get where you're coming from, do try not to make such sweeping judgements about BM and her relationship with her child, yeah? I have a 6 year old. They like to be the center of attention at all times and if they're not then you "never" pay attention. *eye roll* So she was on her phone while SD played, so what? Not like she was going to interact with SD right then, and perhaps she felt awkward since you were there and needed a distraction. And you have NO idea what goes on in their home. I don't care what SD tells you, you don't. 6-7 year olds are not exactly the most accurate reporters.
Hell, KIDS are not necessarily reliable. Oh the stories my SDs told when they were kids.... about BM to us, and about us to BM!
Anyway, don't do the judgey thing about BM and her daughter. If there's abuse, actual neglect, then yeah. Dtzy's SM and Juststeppin's are good examples. (CPS took the kids away and, at least in Dtzy's case, BM has a restraining order, she can't even CONTACT her kid because she's such shit.) But this one? "I'm such a better mother than BM because I bake cookies and I just know she doesn't because SD said I'm the best"? Not cool, really. You are not in competition with BM. BM is Mom, you're Stepmom, they are entirely different relationships. Stop comparing yourself to her, it will bite you in the end.
Well lets see her mother is
Well lets see her mother is suppose to have her during the week we get her on Wednesday and every other weekend. In the last 2 years she has spent 3 weekends at her mothers...in addition her bed time is now 6:30 in the evening because as her mother put it "she's too hard to deal with in the evening."
That's on the weeks that during the school week she doesn't drop her off to us because she's "too tired" to "deal with her."
She works 35 hours a week at a retail job, she does not take her work home nor does she work weekends. She works a normal 6 and a half hour shift.
We do home work, chores, cleaning, it's not a party every weekend but nor do we send her to her room every night and impose a ridiculous bed time so that we can watch tv or do things without her.
It's just sad because now her daughter is asking why her mother doesn't want her around...that's all my point is...
BM very well be a neglectful
BM very well be a neglectful mom. IDK...But I will say that watching kids practice several times a week and going to all games and watching them practice at home IS BORING sometimes. SO and I have both been on our phones during SD's practice time. We have also cheered for her, taken pictures and whispered about how proud me are.