My emotions have been wrecked, and I feel like I have a knife sticking out of my back. My dh and I were together for 11 years and married for 10 years.  We have the whole yours, mine and ours at our home, and have never looked at the other's children as a step child. So they are our kids. They might not all share the same DNA but they all have our hearts. The ages of his kids when we got together was a girl 12(23)  and a boy 7(18). Mine were 4 (now 15) and 6 months(now 11) both little girls. 

We were together for 9 months when his kids flew from California to live with us in Texas. The problems started from the start.  He would not under any circumstances punish his kids, yet had no problem getting onto my daughter. I don't know about the rest of y'all but this did not sit to well with me, and yes the redneck side showed through and this lil' mama was fit to be tied. 

Well we got passed that. I never treated his children any different from my own. They are kids after all, and that was the rule in the family, no playing favorites, everyone gets treated the same. But if I would have known then what I know now, I would have told him just get the boy. lol Problems soon started in a major way after I discovered my husband and I were going to add to our clan.

In  2012, I found out I was pregnant, and I should have been on cloud nine but being that I had my 5th miscarriage that November, I wouldn't allow myself to get attatched. In july of that of that year, my dh and I were fighting yet again over you guessed it his kids. She was 16 then and I am  somewhat oldschool. I was the evil STEP MOM because her being the oldest I expected her to do chores which in my humble opinion is not too much to ask. It's expected. She only had to keep her  room clean, and picking up after herself.  I stressed and enforced with the younger children. She told her Dad that I was  singling her out and making her do everything while the youngers just watched( Cinderella syndrome much), and that I was harder on her and her brother than I was with my daughters. He left with his kids and I told him look when he can live for himself and do what makes him happy, instead of being her buddy all the time, then maybe we can work  out. He decided to leave first, I just told him ok don't let the door hit you on the way out. I refused to be treated like a slave, and be hated in my own house. Just not happening in my life. Well less than a month later my husband, SD, and his son were back home with the girls and I. Then we got to deal with the Oh I'm going to kill myself, because I don't like it here. We told her Look you can choose to be a part of this family, or you can go back to California  with your Mother. Well she went to go live with dh's brother and sister in law instead.

 She had the ENTIRE family on her side, believing that I was horrible. Her lies were working too, until her Aunt and Uncle found out just how manipulative she can be. She got in trouble at her other school (with aunt and uncle). sexually explicit things, plus talk of physical violence against a teacher. My sister in law apologized to me and told me she was so sorry she didn't come to me with this. That is the thing I do not lie about anything, my Mom taught me well. So SD came back to live with us.  found out that month too that the baby I was pg with, was a boy, so of course my son was thrilled, since he'd finally have a little brother. Things were going well in the family for a bit. She was helping around the house, and keeping her grades at A's B's and C's. Then here came 9th grade. Her grades plummeted, I'm talking failing atleast 3 subjects at a time.  I thought it was just the adjustment from junior high to highschool. 

 Manipulative as she is, and thinking it is cool to be a bad ass. She was on pot. Although we did not find this out later.This was when my youngest daughter  had found a journal of her's. I of course read it. Mind you I did not snoop for it. In it I found she was suicidal, been smoking pot, boys, making out with a girl and a guy in a truck, and also wanting to kill me in my sleep. So this turned into a phone call to my husband at work. He came home, waited for her to come home from school, and then went and talked to her, without me. Which I was fine with that. But anytime my dh ever said he would talk to her about things, he never did. His excuse was well I wrote things like that as a teen. I told him well saying she is going to KILL me and my kids that is not friggen normal. I told him and her in the same room if she ever raised her hand to me, she better make sure she can back it up. 

Failing on her report card or progress report she would be grounded for one week. That meant no going anywhere, no anyone coming over, no phone, no cell, and no computer. Grounding equals kid jail around here. But she found a way around it. She would say a friend was going to help her with school work. Or after groundings she would just ask her Dad. He would always say yes. And here I'd be sitting at home with the two youngest. The livingroom would be messy because of the younger ones playing, I'm still running around in my pj's, and then I have visitors at my house. I told my dh it would be nice if I would be clued in on what is going on in my own house, because I feel like a visitor half the damn time. She also skipped school too, and got busted. My dh said your grounded for a month. HA! It was not a month, not in the slightest. She would sweet talk her Dad, and he'd let her do as she pleased. 

One night, when she was at the movies with friends. She was supposed to be home by 11, and finally at 12:30 she came home. My husband was unglued, and silently in my head I was saying it is about damn time he finally gets fed up. He had been talking to her mother and she was going to go back to Guam this summer to visit. My dh had told SD that look you know the deal made between you and your mother, you have got to keep your grades up to stay with us. Well the grades got worse. I even emailed her teachers trying to find out about tutoring, or something to get her grades up to passing. When the teachers emailed me back and told me she would be passing if she put forth the effort and did her work. Yes I was upset. But once again he didn't stick with anything.  I told my husband that you need to do something with her now, because I can no longer deal with her. He said well we will give her 2 months to prove to us she can bring her grades up and start being a part of this family. I said ok but at the end of the school year if things are not going well then her Mom needs to have fun with the teen. This was affecting my relationship with my husband plus with the younger kids as well. I had found an  I found an empty tequila bottle in her room, a joint, and an empty wine bottle.  I am a livid at this point, because this room she shares with the younger girls. All I kept thinking was what if my 4 yr old found that bottle and drank it.  I called my husband and I told him I am glad you are coming home early (had a parent/teacher conference at the younger kids school) because if you weren't, I would have probably shook the crap out of her when she got home. So I had asked my husband later if he talked to her about it, and he said yes. I said well good now I'm going to have my say too, because this could have affected my baby girl's life, and she needs to realize that. I was proud of myself, I handled this conversation very well. Even though I was shaking, and just could not understand why she would do this to herself. When I explained what could have happened if her youngest sister would have drank the wine, she rolled her eyes at me. My composure went out the door, and I told her young lady this is serious and if you roll your eyes at me again I will come up out of this chair and slap the shit out of you. And yes my husband was sitting right beside me when I said this and he did not say a word to me. He knew better, and he had reached the end of his rope with her so to speak also. She had been buying pot at school then smoking it outside after my dh and I went to bed. Her excuse for this was because she was grounded, and she did this everytime she was grounded. I told her you will call your Mother and you will tell her everything. My husband told her you know your Mom was going to get you this summer, and she was not going to send you back in August because of your grades. She talked to her Mom that night, and my husband also talked to her. He told her look this is what is going on, and told her everything. He also said that if you got her now it would not affect her grades any because she is failing 3 classes, and in danger of failing the other ones. At the end of that school year she was sent back to California to live. Finally some peace. We tried to maintain our relationship with her but she hated me. That's fine but at least talk to your dad. Nope she hated him. He tried to reach out. He told her that first her she needed help(he was very involved), her grades had to change, and she had to apologize to the whole family for her actions. Regardless of how she acted I still loved her and wanted what was best for her.

Her dad and brother would fly to California to visit her on long weekends, holidays and breaks but she did not wish to see me. That hurt the most. She did stop her reckless beheviour and started to do great in school but she still had no wish to see me. I did not hear from her for 5 years. Her dad and brother kept in touch with her but she did not care about myself, my daughters who loved her and her 5 year old baby brother.

When she graduated from high school, she appiled for colledges in here and moved. She did not want to be in our home. It was been YEARS since she had move back with Bm but she was still angry. She moved onto the campus and worked there. She never once visited our home. Her dad and brother would always go to see her. She never once came to our home.

She got accepted into medical school. The whole family has so proud of her. She still did not speak to me. When I took the phone to congradulate her, she hung up. I had dare to think that she matured but she was still the manipulative brat that she always was. Everyone was fawning over her, and she began turning my in laws against me AGAIN. AND THEY FELL FOR IT. Since she was going such a great job outside of our home, the problem had to be within the home I.e 'Me'.

I wanted to at least meet up with her so we could talk things out and have a mature adult conversation but she just told me to stay away from her. My relationship with DH took a turn for the worst. Just fighting. I wanted him to tell us his daughter to respect me. I had thought that we were  a untited  front like we were when she was 16 and being reckless. NOPE. She turned him against me as well. He claimed that I pushed out his life and that I always wanted her gone. I tried to rebuild a relationship with her for the sake of my marriage but she refused. She had all of the fire power she needed. And she's done it.  Dh said that I always made her feel unwelcome and unloved.She made him choose between her and I and he picked her. I'm heartbroken and devasted. Our 7 year old son is now going to up in the broken home .No one is willing to see what's really going on. It's been 9 months since he filed. I feel hurt beyong repair.