Unacceptable Stepchild Behavior
I will start with we have 50/50 custody with bio mom ss is here every other week. For the past year we have started seeing issues with ss and voicing them to bio mom her response was this is normal boy behavior you all are blowing this out of proportion. Now keep on mind we have 4 other kids in the home(3 girls and 1 other boy) she only has him. The first alarming behavior was him digging through dirty laundry to find his sisters panties, then it went to taking them to bed with him numerous times. He would deny and lie about it and try to make excuses or cover it up when we discussed. Yes we told bio mom still this was normal she said. Then it escalated we caught him putting the bra and panties on and using them to get off ( he just turned 13 so I know he is coming into hormones but keep in mind he is using his sisters panties for this), when we talked to him about this we asked him if it was just panties that he liked to which he said yeah but my sisters turn me on too. We offered to go buy him what ever he wanted if he would leave his sisters stuff alone. He had also asked to feel his sisters nightgown while she was wearing it because he said it looked soft. Needless to say we gor worried after this bio mom blew us off saying this was normal and she didn't want him in therapy but we did so we started looking. Cps got involved and recommended therapy we was so happy she had to comply. We honestly had him in therapy for 3 months and he had missed appointments due to bio mom not scheduling properly, But thats beside the point. The time before last that he was up i checked his phone like I do all my kids, its my house and they are kids so they get checked. On his phone he had looked up hundreds of pictures of girls in yoga pants, he sexualizes them and thats normal nothing wrong with that at all but he looked up 3 year old in yoga pants and that set off alarms, its scary as our youngest is 2 years old. We had thought things were going better but in the same week we found him with a pair of yoga pants in his bed which was his sisters he swore that was it but I knew different to which he finally admitted he had a pair of dirty panties from the hamper between his sheet and mattresses. So we told him mom again and showed her the screenshots of the pictures and Google lookups. She let the therapist know and he missed therapy on her week so he made it up on ours the following week. This past week everything seemed ok then something told me check his backpack to which I did and found a pair of yoga pants yes my daughters, we confronted him once again and asked him what stash he had at moms house to which it was one pair of pants under his bed, then it was two pairs thats it, but them changed to behind his bookshelf. He swore that was it nothing else ( he lies so much and acts so convincing he will even show you see nothing in this pillow case knowing they are somewhere else). Come to find out we called him mom and she looked behind his dresser to which there was 2 yoga pants a pair of dirty underwear and a dirty bra, all with had stains all over them. Bf said mom apologized she thought we was blowing this out of proportion and she didn't realize there was this big of an issue, I dont knkw if thats whats he said or not. Im due in7 weeks and honestly when ss is up I'm always on edge and high alert watching him, I have been the only one to catch him doing anything. His dad cares but don't really pay attention to what he is doing. I need advice on what to do, I dont wanna hurt his therapy but I want to keep my kids safe from him. Please no negative i honestly don't think I can handle it, I have no one to talk to about this and be unbiased.
Has he been molested by
Has he been molested by someone? His sexuality certainly seems to be developing in an unusual manner. I would say that perhaps he needs to stay with bio mom more to keep your kids safe. You can also get alarms for bedroom doors so he can't sneak in and out.
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No he hasn't, his mom gave him a book on puberty at 9 years old. He was born premie and has severe adhd. I honestly think he has something else wrong that is undiagnosed. My fear is that if he stays with bio mom more she will continue to overlook his problems and cover them like she has been. She is a child therapist herself which is very concerning she can't see the signs in her son. We already have alarms and I have one camera up but it dont record unfortunately.
Unfortunately, lots of
Unfortunately, lots of unhealthy people become therapists. I wouldn't rule out that he's been molested - books on puberty don't talk about using your sister's underwear to masturbate. He's at the very least watching porn or something.
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Thanks for the advice. I really do appreciate it.
This kid needs help
He not even trying to hide it. It's keeps getting worst even when he seeing some one . You must keep this kid out of your home. Protect your other kids. This kid may be unfixable .
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Yeah, I think I'm going to reach out to his therapist and let him know my concerns ans see what he suggests we do.
Your #1 job as a mother is to
Your #1 job as a mother is to protect your children. Do not let this disturbed kid in your house any more. Holy wow!
I'm torn with this post,
I'm torn with this post, either you are a legit poster who needs a good dose of reality or you are a trolling pervert who needs to go kick rocks.
So if you are legit my advice to you is leave. CPS is already involved and you are knowingly putting your daughters in danger. This child has severe issues despite what Mommy dearest and doormat daddy say. Is staying with your BF worth losing your children? All it takes is that pervert touching one of your girls and they will be gone. Do you really want that?
If you are in fact some sick pervert getting your jollies off on this I pray it rots off!
You have no one to talk to
You have no one to talk to about this that's going to be unbiased because anybody connected to you is going to tell you that you have a possible predator in your house. The biggest concern I read in your post, is the 13 yo googling a young child in yoga pants and most likely masterbating to that....
Im not sure if the yoga pants/panties he's stealing are of a step sister or half sister that is NOT the 2 yo, I'm assuming, but either way, it's disturbing and gross and in no way normal because she's somehow/kind of related but it's the masterbating to a pic of a young child that does it for me. Specially considering you have a young baby girl. That's NOT normal. No 13 yo should find that attractive and I would definitely be concerned he's a future pedofile. Do NOT leave your little girls alone around him, not even for a second. When kids get molested, it's always the weirdo family member.
I really feel for you in this
I really feel for you in this situation. First of all , i would not have him return to your house , especially when your girls are home. Second, this kid needs to be reassessed by a therapist as this behaviour is not normal and very concerning. The BM and dad need to be proactive with this and stay on top of it 100% all the time! My ex SS12 (now 13), was starting similar things,, we hadnt caught him with dirty underwear etc but im sure it would have progressed to this if he had the chance. One day i went through his phone/ipad and found all sorts of stuff,, he was watching violent porn, googling naked girl pics etc, went through his instragram messages and hed been contacting random girls asking for 'pics' of them ,,when they declined he would call them sluts and bitches. It was 50/50 custody with the BM too and we all lived at my house. After finding all this stuff , i went through his whole room from top to bottom ,,, i came across hidden stashes of girls hair scrunchies which belonged to my son(18) girlfriend at the time. this kid was stealing them from my sons room. With the scrunchies , i found pocket knives also hidden and loads of empty junkfood packets all hidden together in secert spots. This kid used to stare at my boobs all the time too if we had a pool day. He was so sly and creepy and i imagine still is! BM was never interested in what he was up too and dad always put work first and brushed everything under the carpet , so little old me was stuck dealing with all the bullshit once again,,,,,and Chece88,, you will get stuck with it all too by the sounds of it! You need to keep this kid away regardless of what anyone says and regardless of how you feel about his dad,,, cos lets face it ,, hes not doing much to help the situation,, probally lying to you about what the BM says just to keep you off his back! Thanks to this site i gained the strength to get them out of my house for good and i no longer have anxiety about the brat who lied , stole , vandelised my belongings and just gave me nothing than pure disrespect ,,, including his dad
How is this not a big deal?
Put your hands up anyone who's ok with someone stealing their clothes to cum all over it. How is that in any way, shape or form normal? Yes, making a fuss about your SS will ruffle some feathers. But it's either that or watch him like a hawk every second he's around your girls. And if he ever takes advantage of the tiniest slip in attention, you'll wish you'd ruffled those feathers over the irreversible alternative with your girls.
Get this kid away from your
Get this kid away from your children, and keep him away. No more access to the home. At all. Have interface tie with him in public places but do not let him have any unfettered access to your other children.
Keep the CPS presure on him. BM needs to strip his room down to nothing but a single outfit and a matress on the floor that he has to strip every AM and stand up agaist the wall before he leaves for school each day. Sure, a young teen boy developing interest in girls is perfectly normal. Scalping an issue of mom & dad's PlayBoy or PentHouse mags is one thing. Scalping the intimate clothing of a female family member is way out of line and needs to result in his absence from the home and not being allowed around the objecs of his sexual focus.
Period.
IMHO of course.
SS Needs Help!!
My brother acted the say way as your step-son, WHICH IS NOT NORMAL. I found my dirty underwear under his bedroom rug, but my mother brushed it off as boy stuff. She was so naive. What she didn't know was that he would come into my room at night and try to peek under my covers, or masturbate in my hamper. Well, he never grew out of this as an adult. He stalks women and got one to come live with him, free room and board. She was an alcoholic and would pass out, and then he would take pictures of her. Men like this are mentally ill and need professional help. Boys don't just outgrow this type of behavior. Please keep him in therapy.
IMHO labeling POS perverts
IMHO labeling POS perverts like this as being mentally ill just gives them a excuse. They are POS wastes of skin with no honor, character, or morals.
Anyone, even kids, who are a risk to other kids due to their perverse bullshit, and who in all liklihood to grow into child mollesting criminals or abusers of women, or anyone for that matter... are a write off. So ... write them off.
Keep this kids crap in front of CPS so that when necessary, you can get him locked away.
If I had kids who perpetrated this kind of crap, or had kids who were the target of this type of POS failed family spawn, I would.
IMHO of course.
To me, being mentally ill to
To me, being mentally ill to the point that you can't control your behavior that harms others is all the more reason to keep him away. A lot of people are mentally ill and they don't harm others. The ones who do, or whose behavior is threatening, need to be separated from potential victims. It makes me sad that some people are sick and can't help but to molest kids (not saying this kid is definitely that way) but still - lock them up for the protection of others!
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Thanks everyone for your advice! Ss had his Therapist appointment today and he was informed of the happenings of this past week. He suggested the therapy isn't working and that we need to put a safety plan in place which is to remove him from our home for a while and just do visits for a few hours without any other kids then we can increase visits and maybe with other kids. But for now they need to work on finding what his triggers are and how to control them. I can't say I'm not relieved cause iam but bf is so upset and lashing out that I dont understand that this only hurts the bf that his kid could care less if he comes or not and we would rather him not be here. Which is not the case at all im just glad they are taking his issue serious and worried about the kids and himself.
You have 4 kids in the house
You have 4 kids in the house and bf is upset and lashing out? His top priority should be protection of those kids. Not that it matters, but aren't some of the kids his bios as well?
Does your idiot bf understand
Does your idiot bf understand that if his son takes his behaviour just one step further and CPS gets involved that you could lose ALL of the kids?
I would suggest that you end
I would suggest that you end the therapists advice at "remove him from the home" PERIOD.
Some kids are beyond salvage and any effort to salvage them that is detrimental in any way, or represents even a remote risk to other children cannot happen. Ever.
IMHO of course.
So it's been 6 weeks since
So it's been 6 weeks since the therapist told the bf he thought it better and placed a safety plan in that the ss was to stay with his mom instead of week on week off to insure everyone's safety. During this time we have let ss spend the night when the other kids have been with their bio dad which only leaves our 2 year old and she never leaves my side. For the past 6 weeks I have only knew of ss having 2 therapy sessions and I know for a fact he hasn't had one in 3 weeks. How is he supposed to get help when he dont have therapy I asked the bf to which he replied I asked her about it and bio mom said they was gonna switch the times and she would send a link for his therapy to which she didn't btw its virtual. If ss has a safety plan in place can his therapist and or mom not get in trouble him missing his sessions? To me this is neglect, this arrangement dont hurt her at all she dont miss time with him or dont have to worry about him hurting other kids. She even let him spend the night with her friends son. I told bf he needed to take over the therapy sessions and get him better. Any other suggestions?