Update on my poisoned stepson
I do not know if anyone remembers me but I am the one who recently received custody of my almost 14 year old stepson after 10 years of him being basically kidnapped and raised in another country. I wanted to thank everyone for their advice and support in my last post. I really appreciate that so many of you took time out to give me courage.
I needed to get some frustration off my chest today. My stepson continues to not say a peep during therapy and he will not do any of the work his tutor assigns him. How can he possibly improve his English at this rate? Both my husband and I have been working hard to improve our Spanish. But what is the point if he will not talk to us and ignore us?
Last week, my husband was supposed to take my stepson to his grandmother’s country so that my stepson could see familiar faces/food and feel a bit better. The temporary restraining order against the grandmother and her family expired and my husband felt from talking to her that it was safe to make the trip.
But a few days before the trip we found out that the grandmother’s brother and his son were living with her. These men are convicted felons. The brother went to jail for actually killing someone. My husband no longer felt comfortable going there, especially considering the past threats that were made.
As you can expect, my stepson was very angry. But what I did not expect was him to start screaming at my husband, trying to punch him, and shoving him so hard he almost fell. All my husband could do was force my stepson into his room and close the door.
How can you discipline a child who does not respect you and hates you? After the big fight, my husband called up the grandmother and told her that my stepson can go live with her provided that the two felons in her house move out. She refused to kick them out and on top of that, she wants a monthly payment of $4000. She is really overestimating how much money we have. Even my husband’s desperate last ditch efforts fell through.
On Sunday my husband told he thinks he is suffering from depression. I told him to immediately book a therapy session. My life has become a nightmare. I feel so uncomfortable and unhappy in my own home.
It was a struggle to find
It was a struggle to find someone who spoke Spanish. We did find one who is almost 90 mins away for my stepson. But he never talks during the sessions.
My husband will start a session himself with someone closer soon. If it helps I might give it a shot. But I do not think I have reached to a place where I need therapy just yet.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes he was kidnapped. You
Yes he was kidnapped. You think my husband personally handcuffed her?
The moment she stepped foot back in this country she was arrested. She deserved to get arrested. Why are you defending such an awful person and blaming my husband and me?
Apparently you have an issue
Apparently you have an issue with me for some reason. Take care. I don't need more negativity in my life. Your perspective is not helpful. It is an attack.
Like Button! LF is correct
Like Button!
LF is correct there is no "Basic" Kidnapping offense, lol!
Why can't you understand that
Why can't you understand that it really was not up to us. The moment the ex was arrested, the authorities got involved in both countries.
We did not want to leave my stepson with a grandmother who had no source of income, and who had a lot of extended family who were criminals. The ex may have been an awful person but at least she was educated and had a well-paying job.
The best place for my stepson was with us. That was what the professionals said as well. I will listen to them before you. We are not psychic and we did not think my stepson would be violent. Also, we are clearly not sending him back anymore.
You seem to have a bone to pick with me. I have done nothing to make you be so hostile with me.
Thank you. You understand the
Thank you. You understand the ex broke the law, not us.
I am sorry you think that but
I am sorry you think that but all my husband did was look for his son. I am sure if someone stole your child from you, you would do anything you can to get him back.
I refuse to accept responsibility for his ex being incarcerated. She broke the law and destroyed multiple relationships.
Giving him back is not an easy decision that you are making it out to be. I took a sabbatical to care for my sick toddler. That was stressful enough. But now with my husband dealing with a violent 14 year old is making it 10 times more stressful.
Perhaps if you walk in our shoes you will not be so quick to say what we did was right or wrong.
Thank you. I think calling
Thank you. I think calling the police should be the last resort. We do not want him arrested. It would make matters worst. I do not trust the police where we live.
Unfortunately, I do not want
Unfortunately, I do not want to risk any harm he might face from the police. We had two cases of police brutality last year. I am sure my husband would feel the same way. It is really sad.
ellise - I did not read all
ellise - I did not read all the comments, but it's only been what 2 months?
SS behavior will last for a year if not longer, DH can not give up on him after only 2 months. I know it's hard and difficult, but this kid is extremely confused, he's pulled from his family and living with strangers, it's not your fault, it's not his fault... it's all on BM and she's paying the price for it..
DH should simply keep on trying, he should not even consider sending SS to that family, not to live and not to visit, SS can wait till he's 18, sending or taking him there now will only prolong this issue.
Maybe you and DH should be looking around for a spanish minister or counselor, to talk to SS, even if this person has to come to your house. but keep on trying getting through to him, eventually he will realize his anger is towards the wrong people.
How is SS treating DD... is that realtionship any better, can she bond with him...?
I feel for your family and I
I feel for your family and I feel for the kid. Because of his mothers actions he is in this predicament and will be with your family for at least the next 4 years. Part of the issue is that the boy was raised by a single mother and likely allowed to be the *man of the house.* Now he has some strange man who he has no respect for telling him what to do.
Your husband sounds very weak, it seems like the both of you are cowering and hiding from this kid while he is raging and abusive. If this situation is to continue your DH is going to need to grow a backbone and confront this kid on every level. This young man needs an strong authoritarian figure, not a buddy, friend or disney daddy. It sounds like your DH may need to adopt the male role parenting strategy from the boys country of origin rather than the permissive western style of letting children run the house.