So over dinner last night DH brings up my step-cousin (the one I posted about recently, who has always had a real attitude toward my siblings and I) and DH mentioned he is surprised that I've finally stopped catering to all her nonsense, that my family including me tend to be so fall over backwards great to people and put up with far too much for too long, etc.. that he's surprised I've called it a day with her, that I don't want to find out what all her recent problems are about

So I commented (gently) to him that thanks to SIL and OSD, I've learned that sometimes you just have to give people exactly what they "want"

DH seemed confused by this, so I explained it this way. I said "DH you know when we first got together, when it came to your family, it was so important to me to develop great relationships with your sister, daughters,parents, etc.." DH agrees.

I continue that I fell over backwards - yes typical of my family - for many many years trying to become friends with his sister, to get close to his daughters/get to know them. DH again agreed, and said I've done a lot for them over the years.

I then said that despite all of that effort from me, SIL and OSD on the other hand, have never ever, even a little tiny bit, ever tried in any way to develop any relationship with me, at all.

It was like a light-bulb went off in DH's head. The look on his face! He agreed sadly, but without any hesitation, that neither of them have ever made any effort to have any sort of relationship with me

So I continued that I could spend my life being confused about it, upset, angry, revengeful, or I can just accept that this is what they want, it is after all their choice, and move on.

DH seemed sad to see that I was so resolved.

I assured him I would never be anything but polite and respectful, as I always am to them, but since they so want to make sure I understand that they want nothing to do with me - have never welcomed as part of the family in any way - then I will continue to give them exactly what they "want". Not even try any longer (which has been case for years now with both of them) to be even remotely interested in their lives. And then everyone wins. They get what they want - as little as possible to do with me - and I don't suffer any disappointment or upset by expecting to actually be treated as one of the family, or with any sort of appreciation for anything any longer

Ironically, OSD and DH spoke today, and OSD says "Dad since your birthday is next month, and it's around Easter, why don't we combine both so you can see the kids and celebrate Easter with us?"

She's expecting that I'll go out and buy a bunch of stuff for the kids for Easter, host a dinner, Easter egg hunt etc... as I've done in the past. DH wouldn't have a clue how to host any of that and as he's not working right now I'm paying for everything. So, guess what OSD? You should really ask your "family" for that