Step-Adults who TAKE TAKE TAKE
I'm so sick and tired of my adult SD's taking every thoughtful card and CASH my DH sends them for Valentines, Easter, Birthdays, Christmas ---and barely ANY thank you's unless my DH is pining them on text to make sure they got his card, etc. ---then those self-absorbed brats might have the energy to text him back "thank you".
Makes me soooo F*ing mad I want to spit!!!
I've been disengaged with those two twits for over two years now. Last night, I got up the nerve and text BOTH of those brats regarding Father's Day. (---they wouldn't recognize my number, because neither one of them have it)....and what I wrote was this:
YSD/OSD:
"You graciously accept your father's cards and cash. The respectful thing to do is acknowledge his kindness and generosity. Sunday is Father's Day. Thank you.
The entire family is watching and waiting. And yea, they know."
---basically everyone on DH's side of the family (except for his brothers and SIL's who are in bed with the SD/BM) knows what's going on. They.Know.The.Score.
I don't know how far this is going to get me with those two idiots. I'm completely sick of watching those two go on their merry little way in life, and keep taking DH's cash without any sort of appreciation. They can't even muster up a thank you for Pete's sake!!!!
Anyway......have any of you out there had anything similar and any positive outcome, or do they just continue to behave this way???
HAHA....YSD just text me back
HAHA....YSD just text me back "What? Who is this?"
I would text "Someone who is
I would text "Someone who is tired of you breaking your fathers heart. No parent wants to come face to face with the fact their kid is ungrateful but you show your true colors every day."
then go to the standard number only vm, that way they will never know who it is }:)
yep happens here too.....and
yep happens here too.....and considering i am the one who Dh gets to go get gift, card...wrapping ..etc... i never even get acknowledged and they only acknowledge DH if he does like yours...messages them on facebook asking if they got it...
I stopped getting the gifts,
I stopped getting the gifts, cards, etc. the moment DH's family started treating me like crap (on our wedding day). Guess how many special day cards DH's family gets now? I'm pretty sure he sent a Father's day card, but as for other special days, holidays, etc. they don't get jack and they're lucky if they get a phone call. DH isn't great with remembering all those little things.
Oh, and I make sure that they are aware the I am the one who messes with BM and helps them to see the children. They have finally started uttering my name again and actually told DH to tell me thank you for getting BM to deliver the skids to their house the end of the summer. They asked him to come and bless his heart he said, "not without my wife, who you're not acknowledging or inviting, so no". Love that man!
I wish I had the nerve to
I wish I had the nerve to text my hubbys son and tell him what I think of him for hurting his dad by not even calling on fathers day...but I would only get sh@it from hubby for doing so...nothing I say or do helps..he want to handle it his way..his way..ignore and act like it didn't hurt or didn't happen.
LOVE THIS!!!
LOVE THIS!!! }:)
BB~~ It's a funny thought,
BB~~ It's a funny thought, and I have to admit, I have thought about it, but realistically, NO, I'm not going to betray my DH like that. It would only come back and bite me in the ass and then WE'VE got problems.
On another thought.........teehee....I soooo badly want to respond back to her ignorant statement of bewilderment with "Nevermind, if it's too complicated for you to absorb and understand, then just go back to spreading your legs. At least that's something you are familiar with, good at, and understand."
lol~~
WHAT? Honor my father? WTF
WHAT? Honor my father? WTF are you talking about? :O
Listen these kids had their butts wiped on day one and nothing has changed since then. They Expect it to happen and their expectations will remain the same until Dad stops.
My advise to you is to re-disengage. The few hundred dollars a year he spends can't hurt that much and its not worth the hassle of your sanity.
Oh, I assure you, I am very
Oh, I assure you, I am very much disengaged with my SD's. I let my DH throw money out the door to them all the time. It's something he feels he needs to do, and like SA has said many times, "pick your battles, and small chunks of change aren't worth fighting over."
I certainly wouldn't do it. But I respect my DH's wishes to do what he wants for his daughters because it is something he hopes for ---a eventual relationship with them.
My point in sending the text is to question their integrity and morals AS ADULTS, because they are now. They don't get the free-pass I'm a child anymore. They are in the big world with real adults.
This is exactly the situation
This is exactly the situation I have with FDH's three young adults-19,20,23. The difference between him and your DH is that mine stopped handing out the cash. He financially could not do it anymore, they were wanting things he will never be able to afford, and then his son faked being suicidal. He put on this big show, FDH took him to a psychiatrist, who said he was faking. There were 2 reasons that the son did this: to get money and to attempt to have FDH break up with me. I knew he was playing a game, because I have a degree relating to, and a background in these behaviors.
When his son did this, I confronted him briefly, and said he should be ashamed of himself, and that the way he treats his dad is disgusting. FDH gets NOTHING for holidays or birthdays, and they do not even talk to him unless they want something. They are HORRIBLE. When I confronted him, he basically just shrugged and walked away, while rolling his eyes. He did not, and does not care about FDH at all. None of the 3 do.
My FDH is also hoping for a relationship. It is so sad, huh? I seriously doubt that will ever happen, as they are so distant and hateful. He only gives them something for birthdays and Christmas now, and that is nominal. He has a lot of misplaced and unwarranted guilt, but he is getting better in that area. As long as keeps doing this, I will be fine. It has been over a year now, and I, too, do not say anything when he sends them a card with cash. However, he and I did discuss that he will always keep limits on the amount he gives them, as there is NO way we are working and handing them a lot of money when they sit home on their asses all day. Before he stopped handing out cash, they were asking for hundreds a week. EVERY day was a text or email demanding this or that.
I do not blame you for sending the text, because I totally understand. They probably won't care, but at least they will know how you feel. Good for you!
Re-disengage.... That is such
Re-disengage.... That is such a funny word.
.....In the beginning of all
.....In the beginning of all our chaos two years ago, both SD's were holding HUGE "RA rallies" and trying to even get DH's dad involved in their RA, but it has slowly died down to just, MOSTLY the SIL's (--as DH's brothers have decided to go somewhat "neutral" this past year and we even had them over for a poker tournament) this past year. So I really felt I could use some "family leverage" on both of them and let them know, the shit's out of the bag and the entire family knows they both TAKE TAKE TAKE, and offer ZERO in return to their father. If they have a conscience, it will be effective, and if not, well, we're back to NOTHING.
sd19 will get her cards in
sd19 will get her cards in the mail for her bday, glance at them, not really read them, take the money, throw the card away, and the sender gets no call, text, email, or thank you card for anything. she does not acknowledge anything anybody does for her. she just expects it. she will actually come here on her bday asking if anyone sent any cards here for her. she will be 20 in august. i think at this point, the cards will be slowing down. but for her to acknowledge the fact that she is old enough that people aren't going to send her cards and money all the time anymore is unthinkable. she expects the world to stop spinning on her bday. and every day really, because she thinks the world exists only for her. i'm sure she'll just be pissed when she no longer gets a wad of cash for her bday, but she won't know who's she's pissed at because she doesn't know who the money in the past was even from! because reading the card isn't important, the money is. she'll resort to spending her baby's bday money on herself when that kid is born.
Nah....they won't call. They
Nah....they won't call. They want ZERO contact.
---I mean, IT USE TO BE THAT WAY when the YSD lived with us ---it was tag-team-tattle-tail between her, OSD, BM, SILs, BILs....DH in the middle....the SM abuse began, over and over and over.
SA-----Since they don't live here, and don't have contact with their father, they really DO UNDERSTAND they have boundaries now, and they've pretty much LOST their leverage with him, other than he will pant and drool for every morsel they toss at him. BUT, no, our marriage has changed. He has put me at #1 because I demand it. I reinforce they are no longer co-dependents, and anything we offer or give is A GIFT. NOT EXPECTED.
And he has his limits on what he can just toss out there. I'll hit the ceiling if he ever goes behind my back. And he won't. He's too scared he'll lose me. So I don't have to resort to much. Just hold my ground and don't react to his bullshit when it comes out. Head High. Chin Up.
No, right now, they know he isn't going to "completely" cave to their demands. He's married, and he has his wife to think about, care about, sleep with, do things with, his best friend in life.
They may say 'THAT BITCH!!', but the huge (family) audience that once was there, isn't. The only one's listening is a small crowd of 4 (---the BIL/SILs) ---and really --what I said above, what are the SIL/BIL's going to say????? They're all acting all high and mighty and MATURE and DH and I are labeled the "immature ones". I highly DOUBT they'll give them bad advice. They all want to make sure the rest of the family thinks their asses are squeaky clean.
Nah, my tactic is HUGE. I basically called their "adult asses" out on the carpet. Are you going to be an adult, or are you going to be a self-centered BRAT who "pretends" you are an "adult"???? ---This one....THIS ONE is going to be challenging for the OSD.....does she feel guilty or not??? (and yes, SA, she just graduated with a BS Degree in ---you guessed it, Psychology ---teaching Kindergartners now---her first job----how does she teach her 4 and 5 year olds how to to get along, how to be nice to one another...? the list goes on....and you see where I'm getting at with her...practice what you preach young lady.) ........the youngest, well, frankly.....she's willing to accept the "helpless act" to get everyone to do her bidding ---just like BM....she's really quite clueless to my whole point. Expected. She's the same MORON who, out of the blue last month texted DH that she needs him to co-sign for a car loan, because she doesn't qualify "because she doesn't make enough money.". She's such a retard at playing her mother's games against her dad.
He raised them to be that
He raised them to be that way. Try changing your viewpoint from feeling sorry for his hurt feelings to understanding he's reaping what he sowed.
You can't be disengaged and get so eff'ing spitting mad about it. Look the other way, remove your emotions from it, write them off for what they are, and make sure you don't know if they ever say thank you or bite me or gimme.
Do you not see that by illustrating to his entire family what his daughters are like, you have illustrated how he parented them?
Oh THEY KNOW how he parented.
Oh THEY KNOW how he parented. That's what fueled his brother's fire against us a few years ago. They reamed his ass about "his parenting". It was a near knock-down-drag-out-fight amongst 3 40-something brothers. It was bad.
Honestly, I think by this
Honestly, I think by this point all you can do is save yourself. Have no expectations of his children, but the only thing might be if he is hurt and sad and mopey, then that affects you and your home. So, make a plan to try to combat it. Splurge and send him deep sea fishing or whatever hobby or activity will absorb his thoughts and get his mind off his hurt. Go with him or send him off with friends, either way the main idea is to keep him happily busy so that when he comes home, his mood is lighter and better.
I have to say that my SS22
I have to say that my SS22 treats me well. He buys me small gifts for Christmas, Mother's Day and my B-day. I'm more like an older sister than a Mom. He's very polite and much better than when he was 17...that was our rocky period. Last Christmas was financially rough for us so we bought him clothes for work (he works outside). We only spend about $150 but he loved it.
I've also learned to take a back seat to BM...she will always be the Mom, always have to be Queen Bee, and she's very jealous of everything, so we just hang back and he comes to us more and more.
That is really wonderful to
That is really wonderful to hear.
Problem is, these over-sized
Problem is, these over-sized brats think their fathers owe them. I'm soooo tired of hearing how rough SS's childhood was due the god damned divorce! Lots of people have parents who got divorced, and they still use manners.
I tend to agree with
I tend to agree with Stepmisery. They were raised that way so they behave that way. Why be outraged? My DH is not and tolerates it all. If it hurts him secretly, he does not admit it. It's therefore not my business any more than the fact that my skids probably do not give to charity either. I've never known if they contact him electronically, nothing comes by post, and frankly I prefer it that way as I personally don't want reminders of them and the difficult time I had with them all those years ago. We are doing presents with my kids and taking him out shopping and to a restaurant, and that's what I'm concentrating on, to have fun with the family.
----oh I'm not "that" pissed
----oh I'm not "that" pissed off. It's just one of those "human moments" where you just say, WTF People!?!?! REALLY!?!?? It's just plain RUDE PIG behavior.
It felt good to get it off my chest.
IT ALWAYS FEELS GOOD TO COME IN HERE. Here is where I can really really vent. ---and then I go enjoy the rest of my day because I got some pent up frustrations out.
I grew up in a Traditional Family, where you addressed adults as Miss./Mrs./Mr. Anderson, you said please and thank you, you didn't demand things, you were grateful when you did get things....I could go on. I teach my own children traditional values. It's really NOT that difficult. I just baffled by the "absentee parenting". My DH is very traditional too. But he let his ex run the family, took a severe emotional, and financial beating for 20 years, to end up with nothing, and blaming his ex --as if he wasn't there........ :?
Oh I replied above without
Oh I replied above without reading down, glad to hear you were just blowing off steam and this is not something eating at you day and night. You sound like you've got a good handle on the situation.
Do I think that dh's bio
Do I think that dh's bio adult sibling will waste a stamp to send him a Father's Day? I don't think so.
She is and always will be "CHEAP" all the way around. I wouldn't even waste my time to text or call her - Hell NO!!! I don't want her to have the privilege from even hearing from me.
He has done many many things for this pile of trash, maybe he will lighten up and have a passing deep thought inside of his gut & he might think that she is not even worth the waste of time to even think about what a manipulative SOB she really is and will always be.
This over grown brat will NEVER appreciate anything. I stay away form something that crawled from under a rock yuk!!!
I am intrigued, you say he
I am intrigued, you say he sends them Valentine's gifts. That is off. Father's are not supposed to send their daughters Valentines. However to address your point, he sends them gifts, over and over, they don't acknowledge the gifts over and over, but he rewards their ignorance by continually sending gifts. They as you know yourself are rude and ungrateful, just a product of their upbringing. As long as dh sends the gifts and says nothing to them himself about their lack of manners, they will continue to treat him like a fool, because he is acting like one. No offence intended, but it is foolish to allow yourself to be treated like this by anyone especially your children.