You are here

Vacations without SD

ateacher's picture

Submitted by ateacher on Wed, 07/14/2010 - 10:01pm

Forums: 
General Discussion

Question is it wrong for me to want to go on a vacation without my 7 year old SD? We have her every single weekend. And I am the primary planner of child friendly activities for her all the time. I go to every bday I can get my hands on- just so she can interact with peers We rarely have a weekend night out because my H feels guilty that we leave her with a sitter. WE have her for all holidays in the odd years. Lately the BM has been forfeiting her Holidays so we are the consistent holidays she knows. When BM has a love interest her motherly instinct dwindles. My SD knows all about the BF's and why or why not they are still together. Her BM is very unstable and has made my marriage at times very difficult with inappropriate phone call and texting times. We took her on a three day vaca last week where it was all about her.
I reason that I deserve a weekend here and there where it's just my H and my one year old doing some bonding. I have an opportunity to use my miles to get a free flight and car rental and I really want it to by us three.

purpledaisies's picture

Submitted by purpledaisies on Wed, 07/14/2010 - 10:27pm

Absolutely I have and will. As a matter of fact dh just told me tonight that he wants us to go back to TX in Aug. just the 2 of us! I mean tell him to look at it this way if you have kids together and sd was not a part of this would he have a problem leaving your kids together with a sitter? If he says no then ask him why the difference with sd? And point out there should be no difference as she is still a child and if there are other children involved why single her out? Also point out that you already took her on her vacation and now it the adults turn. good luck

starfish's picture

Submitted by starfish on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 11:50am

i make sure i plan our vacays when skids are in school.... then there is no question why they can't go, too!

epgr's picture

Submitted by epgr on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 4:15am

let me know how it works out cuz I will have to live thru you!
I want to take a vaca and get some bonding time in with DH and our 2 kids..he will say ok, then when its closer to that time it turns into a SS and SD situation (even if they are at their moms)..I say whats the big deal? I went on vacas without my kids when they were at their dads house,but he sees that as different somehow.. anyways when I bring up going with just us 4 he is now saying he wants just me andhim to go.. which is fine and dandy in a world where it was just us 4 all the time.. but its not and I do know the real reason he is saying that now, cuz we just had an arguement about taking vaca without ss and sd..and thats when the "me and you" thing started..

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 5:30am

You absolutely deserve to have couples only getaways - if you can get him to do it one time, make it worth his while!

My DH finally figured this out when SD was rejecting him - life does go on, without kids sometimes! It is totally worth it, drag him away if you have to!

oh sorry I just realized baby too - well my theory on that, and I had to get DH on board but he finally saw: that you, your DH and baby are a family too. An entire, intact family of your own even if skids are nowhere in sight.

(You are a different entity of your family when you include stepkids, but your own unit is equally valuable, self-sufficient and deserving).

Also, that you and DH are your own family too, the two of you! Anything else is against everything marriage and family mean to me? Get him to acknowledge this if you can and things will go easier IMO.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 10:08am

My only issue is taking the 1 year old. We take one kid we take them all. Leave the biokid at home. Otherwise, you should take her. It sends a wrong message.