This is a vent continued from my "letter to BM" yesterday.
Well, the woman is off the rails again.
What happened yesterday was that she went to the doctor we all used to go to. Dr. said that he had heard something in passing that suggested that the skids would be changing doctors. She went to the front office to ask about it and I was told, when I called later, that it was a mistake on his part- that I had requested DH's records sent to another office, not the boys'.
So of course DH had an onslaught of texts for the rest of the afternoon- all horrible about how awful I am, how I am abusing my rights as a stepmother (what rights???!!), how I purposely falsified our membership application at the YMCA (that was another post somewhere) when it was clearly stated that I was the stepmother and she the BM....(she doesn't even belong to this Y or live in this town- she is down as an emergency contact and it says in a popup on the boys' profiles that if any emergency occurs, she is to be contacted before me as I am just their stepmother and not their legal guardian- yes, even if she is away on business and I am upstairs in the facility).
DH and I both called this doctor's office at separate times, and were both told that the dr. had made a mistake, and that she had been told that it was a mistake.
She also left him a couple really awful voicemails about me- too many details, lots of obscenity, but no threats except for one to go through legal channels to "get me under control". One even spelled out the madness that is at the root of all this: she believes that I am trying to take her children.
She's missing one important point. I did not do this!! I finally texted her and was quite civil. Of course I got back nothing but projection, vitriol, insult, and an absolute unwillingness to listen to truth or reason. Oh yeah, and of course she (in her typical NPD fashion) name-dropped about how many various groups of people (YMCA, boys's school community, doctor's office, even the county judge- who threw her out of court for bringing the boys to the hearing so that they "....could finally see their father for what he is- malicious..."- know "the truth" about me.
I am so tired of this. It is so hard to keep up the defense (or to keep trying to play offensively and keep one step ahead of pure insanity.
I'm telling you this women
I'm telling you this women you speak of could be my SD's BM...right down to a tee...OMG it's uncanny....
Listen, you need to never, ever and I mean ever look at this woman, speak to this woman, text this woman, accept a phone call from this woman...I mean no contact ever... This is what I did with BM and she is going crazy to a point where she called CS on me and told my SD that I hated her...But guess what I dont care, I am honest, caring, loving, I have a great marriage and a great relationship with my SD..so the Hell with BM...and CS interviewed my SD and well all the accusations BM made about me backfired because SD loves me and had all great things to say so eventually "what goes around does come around".
Your DH should only accept emails from BM so he has a record of everything...if she calls let it go to voice mail, when you see her..do not have a conversation with her..your DH needs to tell her please email me and turn around and leave...
I'm telling you, if you stop all contact except for email your home will be very happy and stress free..well somewhat stress free.....
chin up and just breathe...... Z
I agree with Zoie once you
I agree with Zoie once you realize that bm does not exist the better! NO CONTACT. Only worry about the things that happen at your house. Oh and LAUGH at her b/c she is too funny!
I agree, it's best to cut off
I agree, it's best to cut off all contact with her.
Ladies, I value your advice
Ladies, I value your advice and I agree with it. But what do you do when horrible things are being said? Just let them run their course and watch them backfire? I got so annoyed and yes, nauseous, reading all the things she had texted to DH about me- horrible scathing things- and could not believe that rather than going to the source and asking me if I had in fact requested the boys' records transferred, she was harrassing DH about me through texts. Do I not stand up for myself to this terrorist? Or do I just document and back everything up....let DH stand up for me when he needs to....and watch her dig her own hole? Was it hard when you disengaged entirely? THANK YOU for your time and advice.
#1 your dh should NOT be
#1 your dh should NOT be entertaining her in any way! He needs to tell her to stop texting such nasty crap and if not file charges. #2 He is the one that needs to deal with this not you and if he doesn't I would think about why I'm with him. I want a man that will protect me and not send me under the bus!
Purpledaisies, what charges?
Purpledaisies, what charges? Harrassment? He was granted an order of protection against her last summer but had it lifted to keep the boys out of court- she brought them to the preliminary hearing I wrote about in OP- we discussed going to the lawyer and having a letter sent....please advise. And you are totally right. If he was not willing to go to bat for me I would absolutely be questioning why the hell I was with him. I am lucky because he does not put up with BM's nonsense- he had some fear at first (she's so crazy that in the beginning she was really making horrible threats and tons of questionable stuff with the boys) and sometimes says stuff about how the boys are COD and he wonders how it affects them. But he cannnot stand her and always puts me and our blended family first. I do feel bad for him because he is caught in the middle. It can't be easy to be the ex-H of a woman with NPD, who has complete delusions of importance and what she thinks she can do to hurt us....
Yes that is what I mean
Yes that is what I mean sometimes it only takes one time filing charges and it will stop. In my case i filed once b/c bm would not stop calling me and left some really nasty mess. Once she realized I filed she came back with some bs about how she already filed 2 times on me and the 3rd time I'd be put in jail. Whatever makes her stop was and end goal so i was laughing my ass off at her.
I'm glad that you know your dh will stand up for you and he HAS to do every time she gets out of control. He can ignore some but when it gets to be out of control he has to let her know in no uncertain terms that he will not keep having her send him nasty mess about you. If he doesn't it will get to the point that it will never stop and he has to make it stop. Does that make sense?
You do not need to defend
You do not need to defend yourself to this nut job..that's what she wants to keep you and your husband engaged...Do not give her what she wants..
My SD's BM did the exact same thing..well she is still doing it..but I do not even look at her it's like she doesnt exist..when I pick up SD10 she runs to me and says "hi Z oh how I've missed you" and gives me a hug and a kiss...BM is just fuming..I'm telling you I can see smoke coming out of her ass..lol...lol..rotfl..sorry I shouldnt laugh but that witch has caused us so much pain...
My DH is such a wonderful husband, father, human being .... he would die for me and his daughter..he does not put up with BM's crap. She is to email him period..he does not look at her, does not say hello to her, it's like she's dead and let me tell you she hates it..
In time your Skids will see exactly what BM is like.
If anything take this and run with it, I told my SD that mine and her dad's relationship is with her and not her mother...
Z
Your words and advice have
Your words and advice have picked my spirits up immeasurably- thank you, all. I am just on my way back from picking up a letter from the doctor, stating that I did not request the bous' records to be transferred. Should this get legal, I will have that. I have asked that the Y write something on their letterhead as well that states that their membership application asks only for names of adults on the account, and that those names have nothing to do with legal guardianship or custody. So I have ducks in a row and it sure feels better dealing with people who are not insane. I am bolstered- ready to disengage from her. Thank you all again!!!