Venting venting so I stay sane
Well let's see my SD is 11 and has missed her last weekend with us making it a month since I have been blessed with her presence. The last visit started with hysterical crying and pleas to stay home , but the BM had plans so that did not work.... now again the 11 year old who wants to be treated like an adult has resorted to crying and throwing a hissy fit , so because the BM has no plans she is saying that she can stay home and that she doesn't have to go with my husband. On that note she then calls back about 15 minutes later and tells my husband that she just got the child an appt to see a counselor this wed.... I thought that it would take longer than that for an appt, not to metion it is a Sat. But she plays that card often. SO who knows if there is even really an appt. SO now my husband has told the child that he is going to go out and get his daughter and take her to lunch and see if she will tell him what her problem is, and as I have written before most of her complaints are about our lack of $$ compared to the rich lifestyle of wasting $$ that she is accustomed to and that she doesn't rule the roost here I do! and also there are other kids here and ( siblings) but not a mommies where she is the only one that gets every thing that she wants.... SO he asked me if he should make her come her or just take her to lunch and take her back home?? I told him I was not going to answer that ?? and all I was going to say was that she doesn't have a legit reason , she is the child and you are the parent and you are once again at 11 showing her that if you cry you get your way! Now I then proceed to tell him that I think that he should get the Dr's # that she is going to see and ask the Dr to keep him informed if he needs to be there for a session and if there is anything important for him to know could the Dr. communicate directly to him ; to avoid hearing the altered story form the BM which will of course put all of the childs issues on his shoulders and she will bare non of the responsibility. Just want to know what you think?? am I think that is the best way for him to stay informed of the childs "mental status" and what do you think about her visits; should he make her come???? I am happy if she doesn;t but he inside is not!
Yes, he should have contact with the doc!
My ex took my kids to counseling without telling me and I was furious! I don't care that they went, it's probably good for them, but we are supposed to make those types of decisions together or at the very least advise each other of them. He gave me the names and phone numbers of the counselors and when I called to talk to them and see if I should be involved or not or even to add some of my concerns the receptionist REFUSED to put me through to their voice mail or give me any information.
Of course her whole tone changed and she backed way off when I explained very calmly that I would be more than happy to discuss this with my attorney ( I don't have one *grin* ) but my point was I do have a divorce decree and we do have joint legal custody and I do have my kids 50% of the time! She was REAL quick to apologize, schedule me an appointment to go in and meet with the counselors and had my ex and I BOTH sign consents that BOTH of us were to be advised and involved with the counseling.
BY ALL MEANS, DH needs to be involved!
LOL, as for the other, well I can honestly say I have felt the same way you do... however I have kids too so it's always a two way street. I'm sure there are plenty of times DH would rather my kids don't come either... but we married knowing we both have kids KWIM? Just try to detach when it gets too much for you... it really does help.
It is what it is...
I know that feeling!!
On the subject of visitation...my SS was 11 when HE made the adult decision that he didn't want to come anymore for similar reasons eg: I had rules - he didn't before, He had to share with 2 other siblings - didn't before. This is what we just went through SS is coming this morning for his second visit in 5 months.
SS and my BS went bowling with DH's brothers, they equally gave attention to both boys, SS didn't like that at all, he came home threw a hissy fit and said he isn't coming again because he wants his dad & family to himself and DH will have to visit him at his place. DH did not cater to his whim. SS is a child and will not make adult decisions, it turned out that SS didn't handle the decision he made, in fact it ate him alive. If his mother wasn't such an idiot she would have told him to cut the crap you are going back next weekend, instead she says well SS it's your decision, you are old enough now to know where you want to be..WTF??
SS was on the phone everyday crying and was most upset that he had made this decision, he WAS too young to make a decision of this calibur, therefore confirming his mother is truly an idiot. DH called 2-3 times a week but refused to go over there and let an 11 year old make the rules but made it quite clear SS was welcome to come back to our house. After 5 months SS realised that there was no other way than to come back, so he did and he was over the moon and kicks himself for being so silly, but again his mother is supposed to guide him and help and sometimes you have to force kids to make them see one decision is better than the other.
If you don't have the BM's help on these visitation matters it will make the situation impossible for you and your DH, if she is standing by an 11 year olds decisions, she is an idiot like my BM, but the kid will be the one to suffer and hopefully she learns at least one life lesson from this! Good Luck I know how annoying it is when small children try to make the rules in your house. Hugs.
Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*