Victory, for me "once!"
...
So, with all of the chaos yesterday, thanks to whack-job BM and her lack of sense and scheduling, I threw in the towel, with a smile that is. 
BM has been saying crap to ME behind DH's back, trying to be cozy, and I let her somewhat, but just enough to let her talk her crap of course. Now, the snake's head has been cut off }:) and DH is on his own, with THEIR kid. 
BM emails DH (one day notice as usual) and decides to use the old, "SS8 'wants' to come over" game, this being as she "probably" had thought that I would go pick up THEIR son for THEM while she literally sits on her butt at home, watching TV and eating junk food so that SHE can get a break. No way. I'm too busy NOW with MY own kids, BS1, BS20 and soon-to-be grandchild.
So, DH came home yesterday, and as usual comes to me for "advice." No way anymore. Everytime I have given him advice, it came back to bite me. I tell him, "I am sorry but I am too busy now with OUR own baby and do not have the time nor energy anymore. YOU can do whatever YOU want to do with YOUR son. Remember that YOU will have to pick him up, YOU will have to get off early, run all over to get him to blah, blah blah at blah blah time and come home much later, try to eat, bathe YOUR son, do homework for YOUR son, bathe YOUR son, :O , get up early in the AM to take YOUR son to school."
So, that would have given a total of ONE hour in between all of that, just to even "visit" this home. That being while BS1 is TRYING to get to sleep. That is absurd.
DH, nonetheless was not thrilled about having to do this much for... THEIR son.
I just smiled and told DH to handle all of this with... HIS son. He barely slept last night, he was so frustrated. Of course, he wanted nookie, NOPE. I fell asleep. He didn't like that. Maybe if you put a leash on your ex, sex might happen. No nookie tonight either. He'll notice that when he allows his ex-wife to turn OUR home upside down, butterfly is frigid. }:)
All of these new pronouns are really helping me out. I should have learned to use them, years ago.
Thanks to all of you fellow STalkers for the advice !!!
Good for you girl! It's
Good for you girl! It's about time you put your foot down and let HIM handle his own!
Butterfly I LOVE it LOL.
Butterfly I LOVE it LOL. These guys need to learn happy wife, happy life.
Butterfly grows quite
Butterfly grows quite 'frigid' with all of HIS dramas. }:)
CONGRATS!!!! You did a great
CONGRATS!!!! You did a great job!!! Victory is yours for sure!!! Enjoy your new skidless & bm FREE existence!!!
Now...sit back and watch how much he takes skid etc....this should be interesting }:)
"Now...sit back and watch how
"Now...sit back and watch how much he takes skid etc....this should be interesting." }:) }:) }:)
Oh yeah.
Thank you guys so, so much
Thank you guys so, so much for all of your support and great advice!
I'm just trying to share the "wealth" back around.
Yes, it is a whole different ballgame when THEY have to deal with THEIR kiddos. Not such a 'party' then.
Good for you! Yep, that is
Good for you! Yep, that is exactly what you and every other step-mother and step-father out there needs to do. That kid has two parents, THEY should be handling all issues except in the case of an emergency...just like if a neighborhood kid was run over by a car, then you step in, right? Same here...otherwise, their problem. Yes, it is TRULY amazing how when SMOMs and SDADs stop being the driver, cook, maid, etc. for these kids the BIO parents stop seeing them or doing as much with them. Too bad. Not your kid, not your problem.
By the way, once he GETS this, which will take a few months at least, make sure that you are ALSO not the only one dealing with your child alone. Your child TOO has two parents and he needs to be helping out there as well.
Yes, agreed. There is another
Yes, agreed. There is another bio in this equation as well. A very active, growing toddler. I'm a tad worried about how all of this drama might affect him down the road, but that's later. For now, *I* am too busy to help THEM take care of THEIR son.
Thank you. I need to add also
Thank you.
I need to add also that in no way am I telling either bio parent to not actually parent THEIR son.
I wish I would have taken
I wish I would have taken your stance a VERY LONG TIME AGO. I mourn the missed opportunities and time I squandered with my bios, while dealing with Twat and her BM. Just to have the energy I spent THINKING about them back...not to mention the actual DOING. It's no one's fault but mine. I allowed it to happen. I thought I was helping. Why it took SIXTEEN years for me to get it through my head that no matter what I did (or didn't do), nothing would make a difference.
Good for you!! I'm right there with you now. They can deal with their own daughter, and I'll be there for MINE.
Ah, so we're learning this at
Ah, so we're learning this at the same time. When we back out of being the automatic babysitters, taxi drivers, school tutors, cooks, maids and 'evil stepmoms', we are watching the DH's true selves come out when it comes to caring for these brats of theirs. What I'm starting to see and hearing from others is that when we back out, they DO NOT step up and take on all the stuff we were doing. They push back on BM's, enforce schedules as they are supposed to, say No to the darling skids, etc. Everything WE ask them to do when we're overwhelmed, stressed out and taken advantage of, they suddenly do for themselves when we say NO MORE.
Isn't that amazing...
My DH's response since my
My DH's response since my disengagement from SD has been "let her mother deal with her, I'm done". I can't really blame him, because upon moving out of our home, SD17.5 called DH and me a ton of horrible names in front of our bios (12 & 2). However, I don't think I could ever give up with my daughters, no matter what they did. But I'm also not fighting a battle with BM to be the "favored parent", and there's no PAS going on with our bios. I think he's just realized that there's not much else that can be done until SD wakes the F up, and starts acting like the adult she keeps screaming that she is.
We're currently watching SD's downward spiral on FB, and it's heartbreaking. But again, nothing we can do at this point. We've all made choices we'll have to live with, and that includes SD. We can't save her from herself. She'll always be the victim, just like her mommy.
Wooooo hoooooo!!!!! Maybe we
Wooooo hoooooo!!!!! Maybe we could all take a page from your book!!! Or just me lol
Wooooo hoooooo!!!!! Maybe we
Wooooo hoooooo!!!!! Maybe we could all take a page from your book!!! Or just me lol
Sorry duplicate just so
Sorry duplicate just so excited someone got somewhere
Please...tell me how to be as
Please...tell me how to be as tough as you....I do this for like a week...then accidentally throw in the towel...I'm a pushover...I think the hard part with me is - I ONLY want to disengage from one kid...not the other...(we don't have any of our own - HE has two girls) He reminded me last week I am NOT a parent...Just been parenting his for 5 years - and I've done way more parenting them he has.
I like your way of thinking...I jsut NEED to keep hearing him in my head saying, "you're not a parent - so you DON'T have any right..." ew...gets me mad just typing it.
keep up this amazing thing you're doing! You may just get what you want!!!!!!!!!!