So today was ILs party for their 40th wedding anniversary. They prepared a huge reception, around 130 people and everything. Like a real wedding so to say. Of course we were invited and we came.
First thing I see coming into the restaurant is BM talking to MIL. Second thing I do is saying my DH to please enjoy the party with his family because I am going back to the hotel. I left him the present we prepared (a nice trip) and disappeared with DD.
DH went ballistic and didn’t really know what to do. From one side, he is also pissed off because of ILs friendship with the BM. On the other side, the ILs are having his boy and he feels guilty for this situation. On a third side he really wants me to be happy and I am not always helping. For me life is too short to spend it with people I don’t want to see, even for couple of hours, especially on a weekend.
ILs are mad, SIL and BIL too but I do not really care. They all are friend with BM so I simply let them enjoy their time with her.
Wow, I paid all these money for a trip to attend this party I don’t really want to attend, to offer a gift to people I don’t really like and I also have to smile and spend time with BM who is spending thousands on her hairs and nails while the ILs are taking care of her kid and DH is paying her CS? This is a big no no. Wow
I learned that the BM offered the ILs nothing but had her eyelash extensions done just before the event.
Now her being invited is in my advantage really, I can say to my DH and everyone else that I tried but they chose this hopeless woman so be it. They were coming to my house knowing I have a swimming pool and nice wine and food. Well starting from now they will spend their vacation at BM’s, as they are such a good friends.
I have to say good job, I don’t know that I would have had the guts. I also really don’t understand why you expect your ILs to behave. They’re nuts, they aren’t all of a sudden going to just shun BM and welcome you and your daughter with open arms. I’d just come up with some excuse as to why I can’t attend and let DH go solo if he wanted. DH might be mad at me, but his lack of boundaries with his crazy family, ex wife, & kid shouldn’t leak over into my life.
My XILs used to invite my bride, SS and I to family events at their home. I was never comfortable with those invitations and we never attended. Not that I would not have minded freaking my XW out by showing up. But because I would not do that to my bride and my kid.
They considered me family for ten or more years after their cavern crotched adulterous whore of a daughter and I divorced. They sent a birthday card with $10 in it every one of those years.
My ILs did not really accept me for the first several years my bride and I were married. They refused to attend out wedding. We gave everyone two weeks notice of our elopement to Lake Tahoe. My mom came, my brother, SIL and niece (then 5mos old), my college BFF and his GF, and my wife's Aunt and uncle came. Other than DW, SS and I... that was it.
My dad was overseas and my IL clan was pretty much protesting the marriage. Over time I became reasonably close with my ILs. Their daughter and I really don't have much in common with any of them but... they are family so we maintain a relationship with them. It has been a number years since any of them were confrontational or overtly toxic. Passive aggressive manipulation if more their speed these days but they know better than to pull that crap with us. It is painful for them when they do.
I believe that you completely played this perfectly and with class. You attended, and when BM showed up and was not turned away, you left them all to enjoy her company. I hope that you enjoyed the salon at the hotel, had a few drinks, and relaxed while the IL clan and BM did their toxic thing together.
Maybe next time they take a lesson from this time.
good for you! If DH and I showed up to his parents event and BM was there and nobody told DH prior......you can bet that I would never speak to them again...let alone attend another event and none of them would ever step foot into my home again.
Walked away from the ILs
Challenging sometimes to post from my phone.
So today was ILs party for their 40th wedding anniversary. They prepared a huge reception, around 130 people and everything. Like a real wedding so to say. Of course we were invited and we came.
First thing I see coming into the restaurant is BM talking to MIL. Second thing I do is saying my DH to please enjoy the party with his family because I am going back to the hotel. I left him the present we prepared (a nice trip) and disappeared with DD.
DH went ballistic and didn’t really know what to do. From one side, he is also pissed off because of ILs friendship with the BM. On the other side, the ILs are having his boy and he feels guilty for this situation. On a third side he really wants me to be happy and I am not always helping. For me life is too short to spend it with people I don’t want to see, even for couple of hours, especially on a weekend.
ILs are mad, SIL and BIL too but I do not really care. They all are friend with BM so I simply let them enjoy their time with her.
Wow, I paid all these money for a trip to attend this party I don’t really want to attend, to offer a gift to people I don’t really like and I also have to smile and spend time with BM who is spending thousands on her hairs and nails while the ILs are taking care of her kid and DH is paying her CS? This is a big no no. Wow
BTW
I learned that the BM offered the ILs nothing but had her eyelash extensions done just before the event.
Now her being invited is in my advantage really, I can say to my DH and everyone else that I tried but they chose this hopeless woman so be it. They were coming to my house knowing I have a swimming pool and nice wine and food. Well starting from now they will spend their vacation at BM’s, as they are such a good friends.
I have to say good job, I don
I have to say good job, I don’t know that I would have had the guts. I also really don’t understand why you expect your ILs to behave. They’re nuts, they aren’t all of a sudden going to just shun BM and welcome you and your daughter with open arms. I’d just come up with some excuse as to why I can’t attend and let DH go solo if he wanted. DH might be mad at me, but his lack of boundaries with his crazy family, ex wife, & kid shouldn’t leak over into my life.
My XILs used to invite my
My XILs used to invite my bride, SS and I to family events at their home. I was never comfortable with those invitations and we never attended. Not that I would not have minded freaking my XW out by showing up. But because I would not do that to my bride and my kid.
They considered me family for ten or more years after their cavern crotched adulterous whore of a daughter and I divorced. They sent a birthday card with $10 in it every one of those years.
My ILs did not really accept me for the first several years my bride and I were married. They refused to attend out wedding. We gave everyone two weeks notice of our elopement to Lake Tahoe. My mom came, my brother, SIL and niece (then 5mos old), my college BFF and his GF, and my wife's Aunt and uncle came. Other than DW, SS and I... that was it.
My dad was overseas and my IL clan was pretty much protesting the marriage. Over time I became reasonably close with my ILs. Their daughter and I really don't have much in common with any of them but... they are family so we maintain a relationship with them. It has been a number years since any of them were confrontational or overtly toxic. Passive aggressive manipulation if more their speed these days but they know better than to pull that crap with us. It is painful for them when they do.
I believe that you completely played this perfectly and with class. You attended, and when BM showed up and was not turned away, you left them all to enjoy her company. I hope that you enjoyed the salon at the hotel, had a few drinks, and relaxed while the IL clan and BM did their toxic thing together.
Maybe next time they take a lesson from this time.
Take care of you.
good for you! If DH and I
good for you! If DH and I showed up to his parents event and BM was there and nobody told DH prior......you can bet that I would never speak to them again...let alone attend another event and none of them would ever step foot into my home again.