Hi

I am new to this site. I am reaching out because I am at the end of my rope. I can NOT adjust to being a step mother! My husband and I have been married for two years. His 14 year old daughter came to live with us last July. It was a two week visit that turned into a permanent situation. She and her mother lived in another state, and got "kicked out" of their apartment. They went to live with the mother's boyfriend.. who has 3 kids of his own, and stuck my stepdaughter in the basement bedroom. We were not OK with that.. so she stayed with us. Her mother is kind of a "loser", no other way to describe her. She works at a bar, and spends all her money on cigarettes, clothes and tanning. We are all 40.

Summer was fun, but as soon as school started, my depression set in. She is a great kid, but struggles in school. She has lived with her mother for 13 years, learning her mother's bad habits. She was a very shy and introverted kid, who lied constantly. We now realize it is a defense mechanism, and after numerous groundings and threats, she stopped the lying. She needs constant micro managing, and I just feel like I can't do it anymore. My HUSBAND, who is her father, really seems to want nothing to do with her. He gets annoyed and basically turfs everything to me. Her own mother doesn't even call her anymore. (she is a nutcase). SO, I am now feeling "stuck" with this 14 year old kid, who needs me..and depends on me.. who has no one else..and I am stressed to the max. If I bring up to her father that he needs to participate, he just gets mad and says he "can't deal with her". She reminds him of her mother, and holds that against her. That's not fair, but I am swimming in a pool of resentment towards both of them and feel like I just want to run away. I never asked for this. I struggle too, because my thoughts make me feel like such an asshole.