Was I right to end relationship over weirdness with his daughters/Christmas with his Ex?
Did I just avoid a furture disaster or was I not understanding enough? Boyfriend and I were in an exclusive relationship of 6 months. He has 2 daughters, 21 and 17. (I am divorced with no children.) 21 year old lives with mother who lives close by and 17 year old is with BF 50% of tthe time. BF and X have been living apart for 5 years, (she left him for another man, but that relationship quickly ended. He says he would never take her back because of this.) and they have been divorced for 2 years. BF has never introducted daughters to anyone he has dated and he was trying to think of a way to introduce me, although he easily could have several times.
When BF told 21 yr old about me and how we were dating, she became very upset and didn't want him to mention me any further. He told me once his 21 year old daughter turned 18 and didn't have to spend half the time at his house anymore, she stopped visiting him unless she needed her car worked on. She also wants him to pay for her to go to school in Japan so she can teach english to Japanese children. He's a middle class dad so this tells me she is very selfish to make such expensive demands. It sounds like the daughter only pays for her gas money and the parents pay for everything else. Once she (21 year old) found out we were dating, she started telling him she and her female best friend wanted to come over for dinner 3-4 times a week. She never wanted to visit before, but now she's established a routine of being at his house for dinner as much as she can.
BF said he and X have a tradiion of having Christmas Eve dinner together as a family, all four of them. On Christmas morning, they all open presents together. BF says they don't sleep over eachothers houses, but who knows if that is true. X does all the Christmas shopping for the girls because they make a Christmas list of wanted presents and they (X and BF) split the expenses. He also buys daughters something personal from himself. BF and X share a bank account! He says it makes it easier if one of the girls needs something, X or daughters will send him a text saying such and such was $200 and she takes half of the the money out of the account. I'm unsure if it is a bank accont just for the girls and he also has another bank account for himself. BF is still on X's phone plan.
Knowing he will spend Christmas Eve and Christmas day with his ex wife like they are all still an intact family makes me feel like a mistress and some kind of dirty secret. I told him I would understand if he was just spending time with his daughters, but I thought he should not spend time with his EX too. He said maybe I could join them if I wanted on Christmas Eve? I said that would be awkward considering his 21 year old threw a fit about him dating, plus I don't want to spend time with his ex wife on our first christmas eve/christmas.
Last week I told him the situation makes me uncomfortable and hypothetically, if we are still in a relationship next year, will he be doing this Christmas Eve/Christmas Day thing with the X again next year? I told him I would not be okay wth that and it would be a deal breaker for me. He didn't want to answer the question and said he didn't know what would happen. I said I am painting the scenario for you, if we are still togther as a couple a year from now, will you do this same ritual with your ex? He kept trying to not annswer and then said he didn't know, because he didn't know if his EX would be in a relationship next year and it all depends on her. After further pressing he said he said this is all about the girls (his daughters) having a nice Christmas and once they get married and have children of their own, maybe things would change.
He also tucks his 17 year old into bed every night, so I"m not sure if this adds to the weirdness of treating them like they are emotionally fragile 5 and 6 year olds.
I told him part of the reason why the 21 acted so upset at the thought of him dating is because he is having rituals like this which makes it seem like they are all still and intact family. He said they are still a family and always will be. I said, no, your daughters will always be your family but your marriage is broken.
I think he's selfish. He also told me he only dates women without children because children cost too much money even when they are older and he does't want to have to incorporate other peoples childrens schedules, etc. Some nerve wanting it to all be about him and his wants if you ask me.