What to do?!?!?!
Ok here is my story. I met and fell in love with a man almost 3 years ago. He has 5 kids by 2 ex-wives. I don't see the older 2 very often. But the 3 youngest ones very regularly. (Every other weekend.) The 3 youngest are my main concern. 2nd ex doesn't work and is married to a disabled man. She has been going to school for the past 5 years that I know of 3 days a week. The kids have told us on numerous occassions that they can't eat breakfast, lunch or dinner everyday because momma can't afford it. Hmmmmmm I know they have the internet and cable and they eat out 3-4 times a week and go to the movies at least once a week. The only time the kids get new clothes is when I buy them. I buy the school supplies every year. The SD is 14 and bathes maybe once a week and that's when she is made to! Her momma also allows her 16 yr old boyfriend to spend the night!!!!! The 11 yr. old is a big sissy momma's boy! Won't go out and play for fear of getting hurt!!!! Gets bullied all the time at school. Hubby and I try to tell him to stick up for himself against the bullies! The more he runs the worst it will get!!! The 6 yr old has dental problems that took hubby and her getting into a major fight before she did anything about it!!! When I met these kids 3 years ago the would smile and laugh and talk with me. Now the only one that does is the 6 yr old. When they come over I have them do chores while I am at work. Is that wrong of me? I try and encourage them to do better in school (the 14 and 11 yr old barely pass!!!) They get sent over here filthy!!! Literally!!! Looks like they haven't bathed or had clean clothes put on in a week! The 14 yr old is on prescription strength Zantac. What is going on?!?!?! Why is she on that? She shouldn't be in my opinion! None of them know how to do anything they should be knowing how to do...An 11 yr old who can't work a toaster or make a sandwich?!?!?! Come on now! He can't even tie his shoes!!! Mental problems? No....Laziness yes! Sometimes, as sad as it sounds, I wish they were mentally or even physically challenged. I think it would be easier to deal with. The 14 yr old when I make take a shower will go in and run the water forever....fine.....but doesn't use soap or shampoo! Grrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!! What can or should I do? I am going nuts!
ewww...tell the 14 yr old
ewww...tell the 14 yr old that if she doesn't use shampoo on her own that you will have to come in and do it for her! Hopefully she won't like that and do it. Tell daddy to teach the 11 yr old to tie his own shoes. I didn't have chores at my dad's house since I only saw him every other weekend. I didn't have weekend chores at my mom's either, so I don't think thats right. If 11 yr old can't make his own sandwhich, show him once (or make him do it while you walk him through) and if he won't do it the next time, he won't eat! These kids sound babied...don't play that game. Teach them once and they can do it from then on.
"You never realize how short a month is until you pay child support"
Oly -Mental problems
come in all shapes and sizes. And unfortunately, (in my own non-educated opinion, of course), these kids DO have mental problems. I cannot imagine what these kids' school life might be like if they go to school filthy. Can you even imagine? Of course the boy is getting bullied, and I'll be surprised if the girl doesn't get bullied soon, considering that she doesn't bathe. Teenage girls can be quite nasty, I'm sure we all know!!! Do you think these kids have given up on life, in a way? It sounds horrible, but these kids need something. Yes, I do think they are somewhat lazy, but obviously it's what they are being taught. What kind of mother (and I use that term very loosely here) would not feed her children a meal, but would have cable TV or take them to the movies? It makes no sense to me. These kids sound like they are bringing themselves up and mom is just trying to be another kid with them. Help them... please! What does your SO (man) say? Does he agree with all of this?
Oly part 2
Sorry, I kind of got so wrapped up in worrying about these kiddles that I forgot the answer to your original question, which is HOW to help them. Make it fun for them. Take the 14 year old girl out shopping for some nice scented body wash and a scrubby - it's cheap and could get her excited about the shower. And as for the boy, same thing. Make him excited about learning to cook, or make himself some toast. Not to sound all Betty Crocker, but remember when we were little (like 4, 5, 6) and it was FUN to learn something new? These kids haven't had that, so to me, it's almost like you are dealing with small children again. Find the way to reach them to engage them in these activities and they will want to do it. I'm not a child counselor or have any formal education, this is just my own gut and experiences, so I hope I don't come off sounding wrong.