"SM is a great person and she treats me with love. I enjoy being on her team. I never have to worry about her having my back. She takes care of all of my needs, including this home. She's a wonderful role model of womanhood, in that she's sensitive and kind, but at the same time, she's strong and classy. I'm glad that she has my last name. This is not a slam against your mother, it's just that your mother is not right FOR ME. When I was younger, I chose to entertain her and I learned a lot from that relationship. I do not want to be with her because I found some of her behaviors to be completely unacceptable and I can't spend my life with a woman who acts the way that your mother does. The only good thing that came out of that union is you. Now as I am older and more mature, I realize that the SM has the qualities that I value as a man and I am excited to spend the rest of my life with her. My love grows deeper for her every day, and I'm sure, in time, you will come to appreciate her support as much as I do."

Just tossing this around in my head.

What would happen if our men said a variation of this to their children?

I'm struggling with the idea that we're never supposed to say anything negative about the other parent. But what if the other parent displays negative (detrimental) behaviors? ...behaviors that we don't want our children to emulate? Are we really NOT supposed to say anything about it? If we're teaching our children right from wrong, and to be honest over lying, why can't we say certain things?

SD will be here tomorrow. I was recently told that she knows about an adult situation that went on between SO and BM. BM was WAAAAAY out of line. SO retaliated (much too late, in my opinion), but not in a way that would hurt the kids. Then BM retaliated back (or kicked HER aggression up a notch) by saying things to SD that painted SO as the aggressor, abandoner (I know that's not a word) and betrayer. To any rational adult, BM was clearly the perpetrator and NOT a victim. SD know about the actions of both people in this particular situation, yet she doesn't understand the context or the fallout. I'm not going to be the one to tell her unless she asks me directly. Though I'm just sitting here thinking...

I base my life on my values. They are permanent values (not emotions or people) and I root my life in them. In the top three is TRUTH/HONESTY. I try to always present the truth, objectively. But because of my "role" here, I'm told to tip-toe around it. The truth is that BM has major problems, causes harm to those around her, is unstable, etc. I grew up with a crazy mom (PAS and more) and no one around me told me the truth. Yes, I had ONE aunt (of a LOT of aunts, uncles, close great-aunts and great-uncles) who would whisper in my ear and allow me to really talk to her about my mom...but no one gave me the low-down dirty. Why?! I was a smart kid! And I saw a LOT of wrong. Why didn't they tell me?

Anyway, I see a little of myself in SD. We have similar traits. I'm curious as to why taking the "high road" is lauded, when kids aren't dumb, and they'll inevitably have to sort out all of the damage in their 20's and 30's.

Why does being a SM and a divorced/part-time/estranged/single dad mean hiding the truth about sucky behaviors (of the other parent) from children that you claim to love? If you've ignored and redirected, and changed the subject when questions were asked, has it really gotten you anywhere?

I guess the overall theme and point of my question is (and sorry for being long-winded):
Is being honest PAS?