What is you take on this?
Forums:
Received an anniversary card from MIL, the cover read "To Our Wonderful Son and the One He Loves". Funny thing...she sent us the exact same card last year! I had the same reaction this year as I did last, which was..."What am I, chopped liver?"
How would YOU interpret the sentiment on this card?
I would interpret it as a
I would interpret it as a kind gesture that she remembered your anniversary. I would assume she has bought bulk "occasion" cards and did not necessarily remember what she sent you two last year.
Barring loads of past actions
Barring loads of past actions by your MIL.. the fact that it is the exact same card? speaks to me that she may have bought multiples of the same card.. because I don't think you would find it easy to buy the same card year after year... I never see duplicates at the store from year to year... so I take it maybe she has other sons.. and bought a bunch of cards.. this one just got sent to you twice.. it speaks more maybe "laziness".. but she remembers your anniversary.. a date that she could easily ignore with "no" card.. I would just not read too much into it.. likely nothing was meant by it.
There’s…
...only 1 son!
The card maker is a little
The card maker is a little bit passive aggressive, I'd say: As you see, you are "the one he loves," but he is #1 (and wonderful). It's a way of being nice and not so nice at the same time. I'd thank her for the card and laugh it off. Happy Anniversary :)
Thank you!
The card maker...haha! Also, I think MIL is passive aggressive too!
I think she doesn't like that her son is no longer at her beck and call. However, she does have a husband of her own...this does not stop her from calling us.
I feel like the appropriate
I feel like the appropriate card would read "to our son and daughter-in-law".
In the larger context, how does MIL treat you? That will tell you if this is just a harmless card or a passive-aggressive jab.
Agreed.
That would be an appropriate sentiment. Cards/gifts from my mom are addressed/given to both of us.
I'm thinking this was a jab. Bless her heart.
I feel like it could be worse
I feel like it could be worse but it's also not great. I would be a bit irked. I guess it reads she knows you're special to him. But comes across as he's slightly more special to her, if you were to overly analyze it.
If I'm to be honest it bothers me. When my kids marry I would like to treat them as a "couple" rather than looking at it as my own kid and the person they chose to marry....
But then again that is always
But then again that is always my take even in stepland. When my dad married it was them as a couple in my mind when I went to visit them
Yet look on this site and others and the step parent is always just the one their parent married and not part of an equal couple, per se. I just don't agree with that sentiment. When someone marries or has a significant life partner that person becomes family in my mind
I love that!
Treating them as a couple! I do the same for my adult children's SOs, even though they are not married. I love and respect them both, plus I don't ever want to cause friction for my children.
passive aggressive,
Thinking it's so good. We bought many of the same great cards. I woukd not give MIL the right time
Agreed.
I try not to let her get under my skin, Harry. Sometimes it harder than others. (I sure am glad the holidays are over!)
It is a minimal effort pleasantry. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Don't give it or her space in your head.
Enjoy your anniversary with your guy.
Have fun.
Thank you!
Yes, Rags, that is what matters...we did enjoy our anniversary!
As an older person...
I'm 80 and have always been a card sender for all occasions until this past year when it got too much for my big family. I'd be grateful she made the effort and not take offense. I'm thinking she was attracted to the graphics (twice) or bought cards in bulk. I'm guessing there are other issues in your relationship with her.
I always thought I was doing the loving thing by sending a card but looking back, my family seldom acknowledged it so maybe it was all a waste of time. Sigh....
Sending cards…
...is a lovely gesture, especially when the world we live in has gone digital! There is something about holding a card in your hand, displaying it, etc. I, too, send cards. I'm sorry that your cards were rarely acknowledged, but you really were loving to remember them in that way.
You are right, there are other issues. After almost 20 years as a single man, my DH was at his family's beck and call. She got used to it and didn't like it when that changed. She is needy and would call on her son (and then me) to do things she could do herself, or she could have enlisted the help of HER own husband. Then there is OSD, she (actually others too) wanted my help to deal with her and set boundaries...until they didn't.... Until they found out it was work. Until they found out that doing something meant they could no longer pretend all was well. Then I became the bad guy. That's okay, I reject denial and live in the light of the truth. She (they) wanted their cake and to eat it too.