BM, her entitlement issues, her trying to control everything, this list is endless. I am fortunate my SS1 has known me his whole life and I am his primary caregiver when BF is at work during our time with him. He even calls me naaanaaa. He never says mama, but does say dada and if you ask him to show who dada is he will point to BF. SS practically jumps into my arms when I pick him up for visits.

I guess my main issue is knowing where the line is between becoming the wicked stepmother, while having input into how the household is managed.

SD is starting high school this year, is nearly 13 and quite capable of doing more around the house than what she does. I say to BF, it's not like it's child labour, but she needs to learn how to do basic household stuff, that nobody enjoys, to give her good grounding for later down the track.

BF is getting better at ensuring she does her chores, and I am beginning to feel more comfortable in asking her to do stuff. I have not had any backchat - yet!! BF is also pretty good when I do have the need to vent, although I do make sure I do it assertively without necessarily placing blame on him or her.

All in all she's a good kid, she is respectful of me but I get so frustrated sometimes. Oh well, we'll see what happens I start asking her for more help.....

Mave

It's been really hard seeing my strong, aggressive "takes no sh!t" man, who will jump out of the car and yell at a guy checking me out, bow down and capitulate to this horrible screaming shrew/troll. It's like superman and kryptonite, she has his child, and therefore, his weakness. At the beginning, he wouldn't even push for his rights. If BM got pissed at him, she'd refuse to let him take his child for visitation and he'd allow it, b/c "she'll just take it out on SD if I push". Ummm, I don't THINK SO!!!!

Over the years we've been together, it's gotten better. I still fume to the point of smoke blowing out my ears when she calls screaming and he just sits there and takes it "uh huh, yeah, ummm, ok" AHHHH!!!! But as soon as he gets off the phone I interrogate him, and tell him, "NO, how about when she says X, you say Y" etc. And then when she calls back 5 minutes later (and she always does) he does what I told him. I swear I want to grab the phone away and scream at her myself, but that would be something she'd do, I can hear her ignorant WT husband yelling what to say in the background, so it's already BM, her WT piece of crap husband, against my FH.

So yeah, that's really been the hardest thing so far, but I'm starting to see signs of a spine developing, we're going to see the lawyer tomorrow, and sue her for custody, if that's not a spine, I don't know what is....

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

Having to deal with & support a child that I didn't create...well actually that neither of us created. But considering he's a decent kid, the worst part is dealing with & paying BM when really she shouldn't even be in our lives in the first place, let alone us paying her...all because of a big flat lie SHE told. I might be a little bitter!

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"

Having to deal with & support a child that I didn't create...well actually that neither of us created. But considering he's a decent kid, the worst part is dealing with & paying BM when really she shouldn't even be in our lives in the first place, let alone us paying her...all because of a big flat lie SHE told. I might be a little bitter!

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"

having to struggle while BM sits at home, works PT at minimum wage, has a new car and collects a huge paycheck, all again, bc of her lie/trap. wondering if we will be able to afford having a baby but even if so, will never have all that SD has thanks to our massive CS. almost losing our house bc we cant afford to pay that much CS, but no one cares

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

entitlement on the part of the skids, dh's inability to discipline his children or admit that they are not perfect, dh's fear of upsetting bm and feeling like you are not family.

Here you are with the kids, having to take care of them and treat them like a parent but not technically having the same authority as one, in anyone's eyes. But I've gotten over that. Once I put my foot down and said FH HAD to go for custody of his kids which we now have, we are definitely a team. And as far as anyone is concerned those are MY kids. I'm not their mom. They still have one of those, but when they are with us they are OURS not just his.

~The best gift parents can give their children is to love each other.~

T

the CS hurts, first cause BM is loaded and we're not. BM had the money to take us again to court for an increase, hired a top lawyer even the judge told her.."you cant get blood from a stone lady" it will take her 4 1/2 years to pay the lawyer with the increase she received from cs,
besides that she drives a hummer, boob job, extented her house olympic pool, a another house in GA. and the ss comes to our house every week with a new pair of sneakers..meanwhile we are dodging forclosure.
Its a hard pill to swallow

Another challange is that my SS looks so much like his BM..I could put a blonde wig on him and give him 2 balloons..and it would be her..
oops was that mean?

My biggest headache is the time away from the relationship I have with my husband. We have custody every other week and his child is SO needy, it gets annoying. He is a good kid and treats me kindly, I just HATE working our schedule around when we are going to have his son. I have learned to fill my life with things that I enjoy and can do on my own. Truth be told...I think kids make life more complicated and much harder than it needs to be.

The biggest challenge for me has been keeping my sanity and not letting the BM ruin our relationship. The mind games, manipulation, the greed, the outrageous amount of child support he has had to pay her while we have the kids more than she does, selfishness, using the skids as weapons against BF and me, and trying to get BF to stand up for himself and not let her bully him and take her crap. Things are getting better. He finally has a court date for next month to finalize the new parenting schedule and adjust the child support. The witch has been getting paid full CS when she doesn't even have the kids half the time and has drug it out and done everything she can to prolong making it legal so the CS doesn't get reduced. Here we are, struggling to pay bills and make ends meet, while she gets a free ride, doesn't have to work, doesn't support her kids with the CS she gets, and she sits at the casino all day till the last dollar is gone. It just burns my a$$. She's got her hands in some other poor fool's wallet now and is supposedly getting married so she has backed off some, but God I just HATE her!

Other than that, the skids are really good children for the most part. I have a BS from my previous marriage and it was a bit of a challenge at first when we first moved in together. There were some jealousy issues with the children but things have come around and BF and I have a pretty open communication line and are committed to making things work.

Warped relationship-treats him as an equal AND babies him at the same time! Kid does not have ANY intitiative and cannot think for himself-yet DH claims he is NOT guilt parenting-get this-

He is just treating SS16 with the same "respect" that any other human being deserves.

Example "SS16 I am sorry that I raised my voice at you when you asked me what size portion you should take for dinner"

This apparently is "respectful" towards SS16-

The other issue I have is chasing DH to follow up on basic house rules with SS16-if they were on their own they would be living in a bachelor's mess/mutual admiration society-SS16 is probably mourning this unfortunate turn of events i.e. Daddy's remarriage!

Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!

not seeing that what they are doing to the kids is HURTING them NOT helping them.

giving into their tantrums and misbehavior just because he wants the kids to "love" him.
setting up standards for all the kids and not holding his kids accountable.
told you are a part of his kids lives but only if you nice to them NOT disipling them ut uh no no.

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

I think that I'm always having my guard up with SD8 and her BM and a whole host of issues. I wish I can just be myself and let my guard down - but everytime I do it - I get burnt. So I just keep my shield up.

From getting her to take him to school (and on time) to explaining why it is not okay to teach your 5 year old how to put penny's on the railroad tracks... it has all been a battle. Schedules are always an issue, Holidays, birthdays, even trying to tell us what movies NOT to take him to because SHE wants to take him to see it... we should not have to ask if she has HEAT in her house but because of HOW she is, we have to... making sure he is being FED, teeth brushed, not up watchingTV all night... you name it, it has been an issue. Her mood swings are outragous, her common sense is lacking and her parenting skills are scary at minimum.

My SS on the other hand is ADORABLE. I love him just like my own (I know we have all said that, but I truly truly do) he has my heart on a string and he knows it, he is such a GOOD boy (with us, his behavior with her is a different story) there is really NOTHING on earth for me to complain about in direct relation to him. He is wonderful.

Too bad his mom is a complete moron. I can't believe he actually came from her DNA. I do and I always will take credit for his behavior, his Dad and I have raised him to be a very well mannored, and well behaved young boy. I can honestly say that BM is the ONLY thorn in my side, period, in every aspect of my life. She is it... she used to actually make my blood boil, not anymore, I just have to shake my head at her stupidity and Thank GOD I was blessed with common sense!

I have to admit I really LIKE my SD16 she is a really nice girl and we get along really well when she comes to visit (she lives 3 states away) and I treat her as a friend. The first visit she mouthed off to her dad (her cousin was with her so I think she was showing off) and I turned around and put her in check so quick both those kids mouths dropped :). Anyways the worst part about the whole thing with FH and I was the controlling, manipulative, crazy BM who thinks after 16 years of never being married, never together except for a few mths before she got pregnant with SD that she still wants my man. Yes she is that crazy she would call him 50-60times a month for everything - she has never even had another b/f and used to wear a fake wedding ring - yes she is that crazy. We had to go to counseling for my man to finally put his foot down and when he did and stuck to his guns we have not heard a peep from her!

because she's schizo!

Oh my this is a good one, lets see here goes:

1. Having to come to terms with the fact that DH has a "past" and children with a woman he never loved.

2. The fact that we are unable to defend ourselves against the lies she has told them about us.

3. Not liking the people my SD'S are turning into because of the complete lack of discipline and boundaries they are being raised with.

4. Being afraid to speak my mind and be comfortable in my home while they are there for fear they will get upset and run home and tell TROLL.

5. The shady, manipulative behavior that only I seem to notice.

6. Having to wait another 4 years before moving back near my family because youngest SD is only 13.

7. Trying to not rip out every strand of nmy hair while they are in my house because all they do is trash the place.

These are just a few....I'm sure I can come up with more....

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

My ss looks so much like his BM, mouth, eyes hair,,everything and they both have very short legs

Guess what kind of dogs they have?

dachshunds...its so weird....they all look alike