Hi,

I have to sort through all of the anonymous comments myself. I do not, I repeat do not approve bashing comments from anonymous posters!! If someone has an opinion different than your's, just ignore it. If a member is saying something that is totally bashing another member please let me know. I do not get to read every comment posted by every member.

I just deleted an anonymous comment that called me an idiot. I don't appreciate that kind of crap talk and I will not approve it.

Name calling is not allowed!!

Thanks,

Dawn

Thanks Dawn for maintaining the standard.

I only wish I had this site to go to when I was actively parenting. I spent many a night, wandering around the house, shaking my head, whispering, "what have I got myself into?"

Austen, just ignore the yahoos that are so oppositional. They're probably stressed out and find that giving advise is easier than addressing their own issues. Just glean out the bad advise and like Dawn said, if it's inappropriate, ignore it.

I remember about a year ago having a high amount of anonymous posters putting highly rude comments on the blogs, and advising us "2nd wives.,." that we aren't entitled to be in the lives of our dh's b/c the children come first, blah blah blah....

Just remember something, consider the source. If a person wants to hide their name, and they post a really rude comment, just chalk it up to a bm spying on the site. That's what I do. Some of us disagree, however, those of us with a name tend to respectively disagree, and there is a huge difference.

This is a site for support, and if there are lurkers of the bm party that refuse to have compassion for blended families, that are simply here to rain on your parade, just skip over the blog sgned "anonymous".

Candice

I joined this group over a year ago, I was a new sm and I was going through all of the sm issues in dealing with with bb.

I originally joined under my first and last name.. BIG MISTAKE!

My son's psycho-ass sm located me on this site and started bashing me "anonymously"... then she joined the group under the username "Jisselle". I made her identitiy known and so she then rejoined the group under another name a few months later.

I learned that there is nothing really that can be done about it and so I ignored her and just kept documenting her antics and printing her posts.
After a couple weeks of this she began bolding posting SPECIFIC details and so I was able to prove that it was indeed my son's sm.
Eventually her ISP traced her down and linked her to the specific username that I gave them....

The anonymous posters are COWARDS, they remain faceless and nameless for a reason.... They are pathetic.

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned"
-Budda

Candice is right, it comes and goes. The longer you stay, the more you'll see it. I've been here for a year and this is at least the second or third time I've witnessed this phenomenom. I think that's why so many old-timers are moving on to greener pastures. I used to welcome every new person. I used to try to comment on every new blog, even if just to offer moral support. Now, I don't know. It's lost that close-knit, family feeling again. And having been here for so long, I really don't have the energy to repeat my story to every new person who shows up, not that they'd be interested, anyway.

These days, it's more about bitching and competition. Person A cries about having the right to an opinion, yet doesn't want to acknowledge Person B's right to express his/her own opinion in rebuttal. It's just too much work to be here sometimes. Who needs it? Not me. I haven't been as active here as I used to be and I'll probably be less and less active here as I get ready to move and my focus is on other things. I know I will keep dropping in from time to time, but I'm just not feeling the love here anymore.

It used to be more about actually talking about problems and trying to brainstorm solutions, whereas now it's just about complaining and whining and catfights. Venting is great, we all do it and we all sometimes need to do it, but man, sometimes I read these posts and I'm like... hello? Do you have ANYTHING positive to say about your situation?!

Maybe it would be better if this site were structured so that there are different levels of membership... full membership for actual stepparents, basic membership for those who are soon-to-be stepparents or living in a committed relationship with someone who has children, and limited membership for the girlfriends/boyfriends who are just dating people with children. And depending on your membership level, you can only access certain material... only things at or beneath your own level. And NO ANONYMOUS POSTERS. But that's a dead issue, apparently. It's been brought up repeatedly, yet here they stay.

Some of us old farts have connected on MySpace and we have that camaraderie there that we used to have here. It's nice for when we want to talk about something OTHER THAN our stepchildren.

~ Anne ~

http://www.myspace.com/akbooher

http://www.geocities.com/campaign4madison/C4M.html
Please join the Campaign to Save Madison!

Couldn't agree with you more.

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned"
-Budda

and this thread isn't helping. Maybe Steptalk will just shut down. Who cares anyway right? You all have MySpace.

Dawn

Dawn, WE CARE!!!! This is a wonderful site, and so helpful to me and many, many others. Whenever I am online I look at the numbers of users and guests (right now there are 16 users and 216!!! guests) and I'm amazed. So many of us have problems and worries, and this is a great place to come for support. A few bad posts or posters doesn't change the fact that this site is terrific, and a lifeline for many who find themselves at wits end. THANKS!!!! And I hope your day gets better.

Please Dawn know that I care too!!!!!! Like I stated before, this site really has been a saving grace for me. I have also donated $ to this site and will continue to do so on a monthly basis due to Catch 22's Dawnathon. I also can relate so much with you on a personal level with your SS who is a lot like my bioson as well.

Thank you a thousand times over, Dawn. Please keep StepTalk's "doors" open for those of us that love it here.

I echo CG- Dawn, I came to this website a few months ago and literally check it every day for moral support. Just knowing that other folks are going through same or simliar situations has been invaluable to me, my sanity and in fact, my marriage.

There are always a few bad apples trying to spoil the bunch but this website is so important to me and others I'm sure.

edited

Thanks for all of the nice posts. Sometimes I just take things too personally when the site is put down. Plus, like I said, and anon. poster said I was an idiot(for some unknown reason). Then you have your everyday problems like ss is off from school today and I had to get him to practice his trumpet and study for a science quiz because he didn't do it over the weekend at his mom's house. Then he broke his tennis shoes today so we have to go spend like $50 for new shoes(he's in the men's shoe dept. now). Bm is ignoring the fact that she owes us for half of ss's new glasses.(it would be nice to have that $$ to put toward the new shoes) but oh well. The list goes on and on and on........

Not to mention my Dh said I'm hormonal (of course now I want to kick him in the butt!!!)

Dh was nice and took ss to the Y for his swimming lessons so I have a little time to myself to reflect. Ha! He just wants me to have dinner ready for them when they get home but dog gone it, I'm gonna take the time to do my Pilates!

Dawn

Just relax, and call the pizza boy :-)!!!

I don't disagree with Anne about the possibility of setting up some pay system. I was a boyfriend living with a lady with kids and I guess I am now just a bio dad.

But, I still look at this site and wish I would have found it earlier. Who knows if it would have helped, but reading the posts gives me insight. One of these days I will meet that "right person" if she has kids I can use the advice. If she doesn't have kids then this site gives me a very healthy point of view.

As far as distinctions between being actually married and just a boyfriend -- I know I provided more support for the lady I lived with than her ex husband did for that time period. Heck, I actually think that I provided more financial support than he ever did while they were married.

I like the site, it provides helpful information and even venting is helpful. God knows being a parent is hard enough. Being a step parent with all of the other issues is a tremendous task. Yet, it does have wonderful benefits.

I know that this site informed me about Oppositional Defiance Disorder. That helps me to realize that her kids weren't bad kids, just kids who needed help. She didn't want to get them help, but thats not their fault. People on this site encouraged me that it wasn't my fault that the kids threw temper tantrums. Had I found it earlier, my relationship might have worked.

Kevin

Uhh hmmm... *clears throat* Excuse me? Everything alright in here?

Dawn, honey, this site is a beautiful thing, and I'm amazed that I've been here for over a year now... can you believe that! A YEAR! Wow! It has helped soooo much, and I'll go out on a limb and say this much about it... I don't have many friends in real life, people suck, they are all flakers, there isn't real genuine concern for others out there like there has been here. I'm a home body, but the friends that I have, that I can say are truly all my friends, that I can openly and willingly convey my most inner dark secrets, are all because of this site. The reason some of us merged over to MySpace started because we wanted to put a face with a name on a private domain that we could control who we accepted... I for one don't give a rats a$$ if either BM finds me, but I don't want to broadcast openly EVERYTHING. There for, MySpace evolved with us, but I still lurked here and there on StepTalk when it came to step related issues. But, lately, I haven't really had any...

But like Anne said... there are a lot new people, it gets old trying to retell your story, and sometimes, I just get sick of some of the whining, and so I don't bother to log in... and yes, I will even go this far and admit that I have been know to post anonymously with some of these newbies. (I don't with the 'gals'... you know who you are) but some of these other ladies, I just tell it like I see it. (Of course, calling people names is way out of line and not called for, that is very immature!!!!)

Some of the issues that I see is that I don't fully believe that the new posters are coming in here wanting help, but rather just validation. When someone comes along, blasts their problem to the world, I don't believe that these gals are REALLY willing (or ready) to LISTEN to us old timers, or willing to admit how THEY themselves could be acting/looking/participating in the childish antics. I don't believe they are looking for solutions, instead, they simply want to just b!tch... okay, that's fine. I get that, I'm moving on.

With that said, I don't believe in my heart that shutting down the site is the solution, but rather, I do believe that some rules need to be applied, as with any forum, and the message needs to be announced... GROW UP people. If you want to act like you're 12 years old, please use Nickelodeon. Otherwise, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. Don't throw out the baby with the bath water! But, yes, it does go through waves around here, and notice that the holidays are starting to turn the corner... summer is over, the fun vacation days are long gone, everyone is back to their routines and now life has pitched it's peak. Wait until the holidays are here when the stress levels REALLY go through the roof! *Wink*

We love you Dawn! *hugs*

StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

I hope it continues to do well! People will always have differences of opinion but I can't be happier that I've found a site of SMs with similar interests and situations.

Please don't discard those of us who are new. I already love all of you. When I read a post, I look at the profile who sent it, and then their blog. I want to know who I'm talking to. Sometimes, not many people reply to my posts, and I wonder if I'm talking about stuff that isn't interesting to those who are regulars here.

But... I was away this weekend, and I desperately wanted to know what you all thought. I don't always appreciate everything that is said, and I question my time spent. I come back though. And those of us who are new, who are filled with hope and integrity, will in time, make our voices heard, and perhaps be helpful to those who have been around.

We may all ebb and flow, but there are very few places to go to vent, and share like this site. Anonymous comments are just that. Spiteful, an irrelevant please don't discard or stop posting to us newbies. We need you.

Well said Kathleen! I have been a member of several Step sites, and the majority of the members here are sympathetic, and really do have sound advice to offer. I think it is common on some sites for members to form little cliques, but here they seem to be the minority.
Dawn, you have created a haven where Stepparents can post their problems, no matter how big or small, and get advice without being judged. There are some sites out there that hide under the guise of being just like this site but the first time you say anything regarding BM issues they flame you beyond belief. These sites are completely about not rocking the boat, and that is great as long as BM isn't trying to shoot holes into the boat with a harpoon. I would dare guess that some of the anon posters are of that mindset, or BM's who come here to try and get a rise out of everyone. Just remember if you don't feed the trolls they go away;).

Even though my DH does not get to have any contact with his kids, I came to this site hoping for some insight into their behavior and I must confess that I am hooked!

Nowadays I mostly limit my comments to the marriage problems that crop up from time to time (I do have some experience in that department!). I read this forum faithfully every night and find myself thanking God at times for not having any of the drama that the rest of you experience each day. Hopefully the information I post helps someone else and the time I devote to this forum is not in vain.

Keep up the good work, Dawn!

Dawn, what you have done here is phenomenal. I have found a tremendous amount of insight and hope through reading these posts, and for that I thank you endlessly! Ideally this place would be a haven for all us step-folk, but just as in real life-we must accept (or ignore) the BM's who thrive on drama, posting anon.

Yeah, I'm somewhat new to this sight-wish I would have found it sooner! I really don't think that the newer posters should be discriminated against simply because others believe they have more senority or what have you.(we were all new to this site and step-parenting once)However I can see how the lack of maturity with some newer members can be a big turn-off.

I have seen a definite change in the "flow" around here, A LOT more negativity, and cattiness!!! As long as people keep in perspective what this site was originally intended for(sharing issues,supportive advice)and not loose sight of that, lots of "comradery" could flourish between the old and new so to speak.

Even though a lot of these anon posters get us riled up from time to time with their general disregard for respectfulness-they have opinions too, as WARPED and DELUDED as they may be. Lol!!! I have to admit it does make me chuckle when all you ladies jump on there ass! Can we say "tail between their legs" when you guys get done with them?!? You all(or most) are wonderful and once again I am grateful to have found this place....

("All that we are is a result of what we have thought."- Buddha

I have been a member here for 10 weeks. I couldn't imagine my life now without this site. I came here for some guidance and certainly found it! These "old timers" certainly knew enough about what I was going through to help me with advice. I have come to see in the last 10 weeks that my problems are nothing compared to what alot of you are going through...as a matter of fact....compared to goingcrazy my issues are plain petty. I haven't blogged in awhile but I'm on here everyday. I have read some of the anon. posters and they are just being spiteful. I must admit that I was a little more than shocked to find out that some of you have been "stalked" on this site. I can't imagine anyone not having enough going on in their lives that they would want to stir up shit in someone else's. I have been enlightened to an entirely new step-parent world out there. It makes me see my issues in a whole new light.
Dawn...please don't shut down the site....you are AWESOME! Anne - What you have done for Madison is AMAZING! Keep up the great support!

Some people are like slinkies...not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs!

and I understand how the "old timers" might feel and for what it's worth I do care to hear about your stories even if I'm not one of your "gals". I tend to read old blogs to figure out what each situation is. I can relate to some, others I can not. I post mostly on the situations I can relate to. I have "buddies" as well that I really value what they have to say, some are new and some are old.

Here's my take on it. It's like your friends in life, we can only take on so many. You have to devote time and energy to friends and you have to determine who is worthy of that time. Maybe some of the "old timers" have gotten past the stage I'm at and just can't relate to me. But I feel some can and some want to help. When I first came to this sight, I was so down on my situation and so hurt and just....lost. Those who posted on my blogs embraced me with open arms and such understanding. I came here for help and this site has exceeded any expectation I ever had. I found hope.

You are an amazing woman. Pleas do not close this site down. I agree with Colorado Girl, we are all in different phases of this step mom thing. I ask for advice and appreciate anyone who will comment. I do not let the anonymous posters bother me, I read what they say, but take it for what it is anonymous. I do not have a computer at home, chose not to. I am in front of a computer for 9 hours a day at work. I cannot access Myspace from work so I cannot go on there and talk with all of you, otherwise I would be there too. It is just good to know that there are a lot of people out there having the same problems that you are, and it is a good place to vent and to get advice.

Thanks for all you've done for this site.

Hanny

but I can't post on myspace because BM is there. This is my ONLY haven. I do not have a single soul to speak to about the issues I face, other than the folks on this board. Please, PLEASE do not shu this board down!