why do so many bio moms try to exclude Step moms
I'm really starting to see a pattern here it seems that I can tell when a bio mom is commenting they exclude step mothers by saying it's not your problem it's not your kid let DH handle it. I am a mom and step mom although I did not give birth to my step daughter she is still my child and my responsibility to keep her safe and raise her to be a good person because I'm married to her father I consider myself just as an adopted parent it is not that she just lives in my house and is my husbands daughter we are family together and I think bio mom are so insecure that they have to share their children that they're trying to stamp out good stepmothers that is what a stepmother is another mother to love your kid there's no threat in that yeah I keep reading all over this website bias and separation how can a family blend when they have to fight bio mom I wish my kids had a stepmother to love them the more people in this world that love and take care of them the better bio mom need to not be frightened or threatened
Yes, it IS great when
Yes, it IS great when everyone gets along and the SM can be a friend/second mom of sorts. I had that relationship with my dad's second wife. She was a peach and we had some good times together. However you may have landed on the wrong website- this is a website for people who are having problems in thier step life. What you describe is the ideal. Often things don't work out that way, for millions of reasons.
I'm sorry, I disagree. This
I'm sorry, I disagree. This website is for stepmothers. There are SM on here who only have issues with the BM but adore the skids. You do t have to have issues with the skids to post here.
True but when you do have
True but when you do have issues with the skids you should be able to come and vent with out someone telling you how horrible you are for not embracing your skids as you do your own children. You can't embrace a hell hound!!
And vice versa. You should be
And vice versa. You should be able to come here and post about how well the "blending" is going and not get chastised for it.
Everyone needs to pull the stick out of their butt.
I agree with ctnmom in that
I agree with ctnmom in that you have landed on the wrong website. This website is a place for stepparents to vent, so most of us will not be singing the praises of blended families all of the time.
Most of us have to deal with actively high-conflict bioparents who will try to manipulate the dh and the skids. In those cases when you are dealing with a drama-lover, it is best to just stay out of it for your own self. I think that is where most of us get the "not-my-kid, not-my-problem' mantra. Because no matter what the step mom does, she will be catch flack, and it is NOT worth it.
i can't read it. hurts my
i can't read it. hurts my eyes.
ta5, please use punctuation.
I think in many women's
I think in many women's brains, it's hard for them to accept that the man that used to love them could ever love anyone else as much so when they love someone MORE - it's a shock and immediately the competition begins. The more immature they are, the more they are shocked by the development of their ex being in a healthy, happy relationship. In many cases, it lets them know that they were part of the problem and this thought has probably not crossed the BM's mind because many divorced women have victim mentality. I know our BM does even though she walked away. She was sure to rewrite the history quick.
My exH isn't married but I hope he gets married to a smart, beautiful, capable woman some day that my boys can look up to. I really do. I welcome happiness for everyone.
Just the other day, I
Just the other day, I imagined for a second how AWESOME it would be if my kids' father would get married to his current gf and my kids would have her as a protective measure between themselves and their dad. But I don't know her, and if she is not blind, the relationship won't work out. So I deal with reality. His last girlfriend who was traveling across the country to see him, leaving behind her current husband and 6 kids, killed herself. Before he was married to me for 8 years, he was married to his first wife, who coincidentally, had the same exact problems with him that I ended up having. Only her marriage ended when she found hidden cameras in the bedroom and bathroom (he was arrested). Mine ended when he confessed to me that he had been taking pictures of me while I slept. So sometimes people have genuine concerns. You all always say that people don't change...well, bio-dads don't either. And a lot of you have untrustworthy husbands that the bm has no reason to trust, you just don't know it yet. And others of you are dealing with plain old crazy. I can tell you that my ex's first wife was not jealous. She felt exactly how I would feel if he were remarried now. Relieved. She knew things would be okay because when he got with me, the child support came regularly. Before, she was lucky to get it.
What I was thinking! Use
What I was thinking! Use punctuation or you look like a little girl trying to be a grown up.
I don't think it is
I don't think it is insecurity or hanging on to the now-dead relationship or any of that. I think it is just normal human nature. Of course, if there is insecurity and/or any mental health issues, it will be worse. Much worse.
But I think even emotionally healthy and mature women have pangs of jealousy, turmoil, a sense of loss, and even an instinct to be protective of their kids when they hear a new woman is "in town".
In my opinion, expecting the BM to love and accept you and welcome you warmly into the fold of their broken, damaged, failed family is the crazier notion.
I am on the right side. I
I am on the right side. I have issues and want to blend. I have in fact blended. I don't understand why some one would not think that anything going on in their home was not their problem
It's really only *your*
It's really only *your* problem if you and dh are in agreement as to how things will be handled (or if they need to be handled at all). If you don't agree, forget about it. It is an uphill battle you won't win with your dh or the skid. That's what people mean. It's the father's role to handle things and you are his support system. If he doesn't see there's a problem, then YOU will have a problem if you keep harping on it.
I went into my marriage
I went into my marriage thinking every thing was going to be brady bunch bliss and glitter rainbows. I tried and tried to bond with my skids..all. FOUR. of. them. The saying goes you'll only let a stray bite you so many times before you stop trying to give it affection.
I am not responsible for his kids. They are HIS, and all of them have a mother who IS NOT ME. I have three kids and four dogs (who have never bitten me) that I need to take care of. It is not now, nor will it ever be my job to make sure they are raised correctly. If the BM is going to PAS the kids, and my DH will disney dad them there's not much I can do to change them. Plus the fact that they're evil little brats I don't want to be responsible for that. No ma'am, if you're so in love with SD good for you, but you really have no right telling me I'm wrong because I don't love hateful children. You live with my skids for a week and tell me how much in love with them you are.
He does not shove his
He does not shove his responsibilities
I haven't read the other
I haven't read the other comments. I say that all the time and I am a bio mom and a stepmom. I do not see myself as my step daughters mom but maybe a mentor. I do look after her safety and let DH know about what I think because I am his other half and what effects him effects me. He has mentioned to her MommyJenny but I just smile. She calls me MRS.Jenny. She will do mothers day cards and refer to me as MOM2. I don't see myself as her mom and don't make decision for her unless she is in my care at my house. It is DH responsibility to handle things with her BM because it is for his benefit, not mine.
I'm not a bio mom and I
I'm not a bio mom and I always say "not your kid, not your problem." Just saying.