Why does it seem so lonely being a 2nd wife and SM?
I am a 1st timer at being both, a SM and a 2nd wife. I have a child of my own, but that child is in college. I'm fairly young too so that "other" women either seem to be having babies or their kids might be 3-10 years old, max.
I woke up this morning with this stupid thought in my head how every since I married DH, my "friends" have almost vanished on me completely. Ouch.
They don't seem to "understand" what a stepkid weekend is like. You can't go party all over town when you are married again and your husband has his young child over? No understanding.
Then there is the problem of me not having a baby or a young kid of my own with my age group. What am I supposed to do? Go lurk in a park somewhere looking at everyone else with their kids? That would look like I was about to kidnap a kid or something....nope.
Then......being a 2nd wife in a town with a lot of nuclear families is a tough one. I have not met one other SM here YET, in my 2 years with DH. Not one.
So, that leaves me with my pets I guess? I can walk the dog and not look like a fool, right?
Oh yeah, it is like ALL of DH's friends (nuclear types) dropped him during his divorce. He said it does not bother him but I said to him, "You mean just because of a divorce and re-marriage they act like you do not exist?" Yep. What assholes. Assholes who are on the brink of a divorce themselves living in an unhappy marriage. HA!!!
So, what can I do? What can we do? Basically we are each others best friend so it isn't that bad. It would be nice to know a few others around here, other (SM's.) I will tell you this, it is like a taboo thing to be a SM around here. Like the worst thing ever. The stares and glares like you are garbage. When your DH's ex-wife runs her mouth all over town, that is.
Anyone else going through this also and what do you do about it?
Thanks again,
It is very lonely at times. I
It is very lonely at times. I wish what we go through on no one else.
Ha!!! I wish it on the
Ha!!! I wish it on the ex-wife....... }:)
Thanks! I hear you. It is
Thanks!
I hear you. It is like some dirty secret or something. Nevermind the factors of the entire equation.
What "amuses" me secretly is
What "amuses" me secretly is seeing how miserable many of these nuclear families are and how they stay together, "for the kids of course."
Gee. I wonder why adultery is so prevelant around here?
Instead of stamping an "A",
Instead of stamping an "A", as in for adultery like they used to do, they should do a "SM" in today's society.
Alright, enough of my sarcasm, for now...
Exactly. It might not be any
Exactly.
It might not be any better in a large area, but moving would give us a new freedom together. Even a county away.
I feel like I am chained to his ex-wife. Like in prison. I make half of what I did at work living in this small area too. I can't believe I went from 40 hr. to 15 hr. That's another reason for wanting to move.
I don't see his ex-wife moving on with her life at all. Her life is about nothing but her child. Yet the child is used as a victim and charity "front."
What guy is going to want that?
I feel your pain. I became SM
I feel your pain. I became SM in my 20s. I found a lot of women hated me without even meeting me - strange... With DH's circle of "friends" the ladies were all nasty to me. I finally figured out it was because most of them were unhappily married (now divorced) and I embodied their worst nightmare... I was (gasp!) a "younger woman!". My friends are now all settled down for the most part so we spend time with them. We never see any of his "friends" anymore. At skids school ladies are nice until I introduce myself as (gasp!) "Stepmom" and then there is the awkward silence. It's like my horns, tail, and pitchfork suddenly appear and it is visible that I am satan. WEIRD. I don't try hard with the mom's at school but I am always friendly. Several now are very nice to me - I think they just had to get used to the idea?! Warning: it took years. What I found helpful was if skids had any friends whose parents were divorced - I would try to sit with them at sports events or chat a little longer for playdates, etc... and have become friends with some people that way.
Thanks to all of you for
Thanks to all of you for making me smile and yes, feel much better!
Sorry about the delay in response but am at work. I try to jump in here when I can, so if I go "silent", it is just so I will not lose my job. LOL
A few of you sound like you have a more smooth sailing than I do. DH's SD6 hates me. I can't believe it either. I was very foolish at first, spending tons of my savings on the both of them for fancy dinners, etc. No more. I learned to just be civil and let dad do the parenting. I'm sorry but your daughter eating with her hands at age 6 is NOT cute. Don't get me going there.
As far as school goes, BM is a fake MOTY so no go there as she has run her big trap to all the teachers there, just like everywhere else in this little town.
BTW- How does a woman become a member of the local Women's Club as a SAHM? Last time I looked, you had to be a working professional. Okies. I wish she could find a new benefactor to believe her act. One with kids...... }:)
Oh yeah, and it is another SK
Oh yeah, and it is another SK weekend coming up and my gut is already twisting?
I am NOT going out to eat 3 times a day, just because she "does not like" anything here. It has to be some junk food place. You can't live on french fries. It adds up also. DH though is catching on and is sick of being pure "entertainment." Not even a "thank you."
When it comes to my SS I am
When it comes to my SS I am lucky that I can talk to his mother. DH thinks that i am the in house babysitter when he wants to run the street during the weekend. I have three kids of my own that I need a break from sometime. I have made it clear to BM that on the weekends I need a break. I can easily get my mother to come over and watch my kids but she should be able to do the same with hers (BM). Shit if push comes to shove I will make my SS13 stay home and watch the other children while I go out. I know it's mean but so what. Nobody worries about me. I am in the military and go to school, I barely have time to breath