WILL IT EVER CHANGE
Ok - told DH that I'm done ( previous posts about having had full time care of Skids for 8 years - nightmare BM and head in sand DH. Disengaged SD's back to BM 2 months ago ) DH being weird with me - almost blaming me!?!??
I said I would not put up with this shit an pointed out the COUNTLESS times I tried to get him onboard with
A. Parenting and disciplining skids
B. standing up to BM
I told me he lost his kids because of HIS lack of parenting and letting his BM swoop down and "rescue" girls from ME - totally fucked up as I have been the one who raised them - he should have demanded respect on my behalf - but didn't.
I told him our marriage is over as I am done - feeling shut out and blamed for the consequences of his and BM's crap parenting is unacceptable.
He agreed, said sorry, he wants to be better dad husband etc! It's so infuriating - id rather he said yes you are right I don't care. But he says he loves me and our boys and wants it to work and he will try etc.
So I told him following terms:
BM has SD's now so he has NO REASON to physically speak to her unless it is an emergency. All other contact via text or email. Answer call "is this an emergency? I.e is one of our kids Ill or in danger? If no, say text me or email me and I will get back to you - PUT PHONE DOWN
BM is not allowed to just TURN UP at our property to "chat" about SD's (shit she has pulled for years) - if her car pulls up our drive he is to go out tell her she is trespassing and to leave immediately.
I will NEVER reengage with SD's - if situation with BM goes wrong - I will not be "stepping up" again. For him to stop trying to get me to keep in touch with SD 13 via text, Skype now she is with her BM (to stop saying stuff like - "she might think you don't care"
To finally put an end to his first marriage - and begin a new life with me and our boys - to accept he has not been an active father to his older kids and that it is not too late to become involved with ours. Sharing parenting from now on - involvement with baths, bedtimes, chores, homework,,hobbies etc
He's has said yes and I am right
Am I just setting myself up for heartbreak - is it wise to give him another chance?
Good job "realmccoy"!!!! I'm
Good job "realmccoy"!!!! I'm glad you let him have it, stood your ground and are now reaping the rewards of it all!!!
Kudos
I thank God I have a BF who "gets it" and KNOWS I am NOT kidding about walking if he EVER lets bm or skid pull their shit and come between us and our relationship. As long as he puts "us" and "me" FIRST then all will be well...
I think things can change, IF
I think things can change, IF the parties are willing to change. It sounds like you've laid out some "rules," and your DH will need to change to meet those rules to keep his marriage intact.
IF he's willing to change, then, YES, things will change. I may have missed it, but are you compromising with your DH to meet somewhere in the middle? I have found that expecting one party to change alone can be a struggle. In my case, I wanted DH to change when it came to SD, but in order for that to happen without causing resentment, I had to change when it came to her, too. I had to be less critical of her, and definitely less vocal about her...because anything I said about her, DH heard it as a negative.
I do hope things change the
I do hope things change the way you want them to. If he's willing then yes, I do think he can change.
Best wishes and good luck