I am new to this site and grateful to have found it ... I really need some opinions here on this mess of a situation . I am soon to be married to a man who is an absolutely wonderful Father and Person in general who has two children ..a daughter who is 5 and a son who is 9. My Biological Son is 19. It is very hard to readjust to younger children after your own child is grown for many people but I do LOVE children in general . My soon to be DH had children way later than most after a breakup with his now ex (pressure from family I presume after they got back together) only to split up with her again a few years later . These two children have severe behavioral problems.. especially the 9 yr old boy who is being evaluated this June. I have been BEGGING for this child to be evaluated for a solid 2 years now. The daughter is following very closely in the brother's footsteps . To me it seems that the soon to be DH and BM think these children are perpetual infants and do not allow them to have any freedom that is unsupervised . Although these children need supervision for the most part as they will terrorize anything and anyone at any given time ... BM also contributes to very infantile behavior with these children... instead of asking the 5 yr old girl to stop screaming to the tops of her lungs she tries to pacify her with things to redirect her attention to something else ... to me this is like an infant crying and you run to pick them up or give them a bottle ... to me at 5 a child should not wake up all night long crying in an infantile way to walk 5 ft to the potty . Nor should they fight you to go pee before bed... then wake up and urinate all over the floor.. nor should a child that age have COMPLETE and TOTAL meltdowns for a simple request . Both children do this ... The 9 yr old boy refuses to wear clothing while we are at home and walks around in his underwear ... He has tics and also wakes up all night and wakes up the whole house... BM of course blames all of this on divorce ... I knew my soon to be DH prior to our relationship and both children were very delayed socially before his divorce ... BM attributes alot of the children's actions to other things and refuses to see that there are significant issues with these children... finally the soon to be DH decided that an eval was necessary for the 9 yr old Son... BM says that my knowledge of the situation is not to be discussed with anyone and that I should have no imput at all to the situation... now with this being said ...we have these children 175+ days a year and she also gets paid support ... I am getting ready to spend 3 solid weeks with these children because BM is going to Florida for 3 weeks and also at the end of July will have them 3 weeks again for her to go to Hawaii ... 9 yr old is currently being switched form medication to medication on an adhd diagnosis by the pediatrician although I believe the child is Autistic... more than likely a high functioning type... I am overwhelmed and frustrated way beyond anything in my life and struggling to understand how there is such a lack in parenting on their Mother's part as well as I cannot understand how someone can make so many other excuses for a child's behavior ...the most severe is the 9 yr old boy ... she blames his tics on the tag in the back of his shirt .. this poor kid is literally slapping himself in the face... rolling his head...blinking his eyes and pulling at his clothes ... IS ANYONE OUT THERE HAVING THESE SAME ISSUES ??? IDK what to do anymore considering I am just the one who has to sit here and endure it.. I take good care of these kids and try so hard to help but I am really seeing things that are disturbing with disrespect ...not just of me ..of their father ...other adults... grandparents... and not only just verbal ... doesn't matter who it is ...they will DESTROY your house if they come to visit.. i cannot have decorations in my home of any kind without them being destroyed ... PLEASE HELP !