Almost time for school, opinions/advice?
My son is almost 4 and will be going to preschool in the fall. I am about to broach the subject of where he will be attending with my ex wife and am curious if anyone has opinions on my particular situation or any advice. I am trying to avoid ending up in court for anything and we have worked well together with trading days to make things work based off of our 50/50 custody, I'm just worried as this will be more complicated.
She lives 30 miles away with her aunt who has hinted that it is about time for her to start getting things together. (Divorced for a year and a half and she's been there since) I am currently living with my girlfriend, her daughter and my son in a 3 bedroom townhouse so my son has his own room. My entire family lives in this area and my son lived exclusively up in this area prior to the divorce.
We have a 50/50 custody agreement but due to her lack of babysitters and family to help out it is probably closer to 55/45 or 60/40 in my favor.
She has changed jobs 4 times since the divorce and has been at her current job (that is over state lines since her aunt lives 3 miles from the border) for only 1 month, whereas I have been at my job for almost 8 years.
My son's dentist and doctor are both up here.
My mom will be the primary emergency contact for school after myself and my ex.
My questions and issues I'd like advice are:
What is an appropriate way to suggest I feel my son should be in school up here so as to show that I do believe it is in his best interest due to stability, our schedules, etc?
If things don't go well when I bring it up, what are my chances in court? How long does the process take? What do they look for when deciding?
Thanks for anything!
What have you done since you
What have you done since you wrote on this subject almost a year ago? Have you enrolled your son on your weekdays in a pre-school/daycare setting? Have you begun to establish him with 'learning' situations and interacting with other children? Last you wrote on this your mother was doing the babysitting on your days during the week. Hopefully that is still not the case.
Do you still have the child one week Wednesday through Sunday and the next week Thursday through Sunday?
What is your plan for child transportation on the days son would be on BM's time? Using your mother as emergency contact regardless of which school district the child would attend (yours or BM's) does not automatically give you a courtroom advantage. The GMa or a SM is not the same as the parent his/herself doing the parenting task. Example, you are not saying you will be there for the child and BM will not be, you are saying 'my Mom' will do it'. Perhaps BM has a person in her pocket too that she intends to play the role on her side.
Having a bedroom in your home does not a school decision make. I will assume BM also at least has a bed for her son on her 50% of the time. I really saw nothing in your post this time that said you have any advantage over BM in a court choosing to side with you over the mother or vice versa.
It may come down to which district holds the best educational standing in providing the education desired of your son. Have you done your homework on a school in your area versa the schools in BM's area? Even if BM moves out of her Aunt's home, does not mean she will move out of the area of any given school district in her current area.
Are your intentions to try and have the child Sunday evening through Friday after school during the school year thereby changing the custody arrangement? Or are you strictly thinking about your own commute to work and closeness of child's pre-school to the convenience of your having to schedule your day and to court force BM into transporting the child to your area on the days she has the child (three days one week, four days the next week).
Custody has remained the
Custody has remained the same, and due to his birthday he was 2 months away from the qualifying early pre-school programs here.
I should have mentioned in this latest post that her work schedule has changed and she has been hinting at wanting to adjust the parenting time schedule so she gets more time with him. She works until 7PM during the week and his bed time is ~8:30PM. She has no one to help with pick ups, drop offs, etc when she is at work which is why he ends up with me extra days. I picked him up last Thursday and due to her not having any available help I will have him until Sunday, meaning I had him for 3 of her days.
Ideally for school I do believe we will have to adjust our custody and I'm looking for an appropriate way to bring it up to her that she doesn't become overly defensive. I currently have the benefit of having him every weekend but I know that will have to change when school arrives. I have been debating what would be a fair solution as I don't want to never have weekends with him, but we need to find a good balance for his school schedule.
It is more than just commute that is my concern. The nearest school district near her is a 20 minute drive for her, and over an hour for me, whereas the district I live in is 1-3 minutes from me and only 25-30 minutes from her. She lives in a very rural area and the school district is in the opposite direction from me from where she is located. I am concerned that with me an hour away, her having no family available and her working out of state there will be no one able to pick him up from school within 30 minutes of potential illness or injury at school.
I am hoping us working well together continues on this matter, I just am always looking for information from people who may have insights on matters I am uncomfortable and nervous about, as well as uninformed.
Thanks as always.
Just to clarify, the nearest
Just to clarify, the nearest school in her district is 20 minutes away from her?
Who will be responsible for drop offs and pick ups if your kid goes to school in your district? What would you consider a fair division of custody time if he goes to school in your district? What is it that is causing your ex to change jobs so often?
The nearest district to her
The nearest district to her is 20 minutes away from her, yes. She has an elementary school about 10 minutes away but middle and high schools are further away.
For drop offs and pick ups in my district my mom (does not work) has offered to me to offer to my ex that she would be available for help any days and she would drop off for me any days that myself or my girlfriend are unavailable for drop off. My boss is great at working with us so anytime I don't have someone available I can come in late, leave early, etc if I need to for drop offs and pick ups, as well as emergencies.
She never worked a full time job prior to the divorce, just part time retail jobs and her reasoning she keeps telling me sounds mostly that she doesn't like the days, the hours or the job responsibilities. Has already interviewed to leave her current job within 2 weeks of when she got it but it didn't work out, so sounds like a short matter of time until another change.
To me a fair division of custody if he is going to school in my district will likely involve the fact that she doesn't work until 10AM on Monday so potentially she could have him Friday after school until Monday morning drop off at school most weeks, with potentially her having 3 weekends a month to my 1 weekend a month, and on the weekend I have him she could potentially have him early the following week, maybe Thursday after school instead of Friday. I don't know good solutions to this type of problem and am just looking for potential advice.
In my opinion stability for
In my opinion stability for the kid should be the priority. It may be time to look at a change in the custody/visitation/support distribution but only if your XW fails to step up on school day transport of the kid.
For one I would not give up weekend time with your child. I have always been confused by parents who give up every weekend with their kid or accept being the every weekend care giver while the other parent gets every weekend without the kid. Neither BioParent should be the beck-and-call baby sitter for the other. That is why a visitation order is so critical. Not only so the kid can have dedicated time with each parent but also so you can have a life that is not locked into being your XW's beck and call boy.
On her weekends I like your idea of Friday after school until Monday AM drop off at school with you retaining Monday PM through Thus PM every week and EOWE. Doctors, schools, family, etc... are all critical stability issues for kids IMHO. Since your XW lives only 30miles away.... I see no reason why there needs to be a knock down drag out court battle unless she forces the issue. If she does.... go in loaded for bear and go for the full meal deal custody order.
Good luck and all IMHO of course.