Can you pull out the court order?

IF the order remains silent about activities---DO NOT PAY it unless dh wants to.

She can ask all she wants but without a court order reflecting dad will pay 1/2 of all activities OR what ever...he is not required to do anything.

SHE has to request a modification of child support. Check your states laws on how often that can be done. Some states say every 3 years OR if income goes higher than 21percent.

**DO NOT GIVE MONEY TO BM unless court ordered. This is not cash for kids either. Hopefully she doesnt try to block visitation.

Sorry--

He needs to follow the CO, if extras are written in and he's responsible for half then he needs to pay that money. If not then stop handing over any extras, also if he needs to have his CS modified for less income he can open a case with the CS people directly, or do a calculator online to see what his outcome might be before he proceeds.

Are covered in CS.  He should pay for some of them. Like 50% of medical,  important school things. Like trips,  day care ?   No other way for child care ?  But then 50% not total amount 

When you get involved with a man who has kids he has to pay out for his kids .

What is included in the child support calculation?  In my state, daycare expenses are already included in the calculation.

First, if his CS is based upon a higher income.. he should consider going to court to have it adjusted down.  Unless he is intentionally working for a lower wage.. or choosing to not work full time.. for his own benefit, a legit reduction in his income should be a valid reason to look at the cost.

Second, in itself, it's almost a good thing to go through the state.. no confusion that he has paid his obligation through that.

Third, the extra expenses.  Normally when there is a CO those other kinds of expenses are addressed.  It is not abnormal to have CS.. PLUS be obligated to pay 50% (or some other percentage) of extra curriculars, medical expenses and even daycare expense.  But, it does depend on how his order is worded.  If it does not state he has to pay those.. then the discussion should happen in your house as to why he is sending extra money to her..especially if there are needs in your own home.

What is happening may be required.. if he is overpaying he needs to legally fix that issue.

Because some months had a third paycheck she would get extra money but once she did it through the state which was once a month she lost two payments 

Time for a CS review and for him to  cut her off from any supplemental support other than CS and anything else stipulated in an ammended CS order.

Quit reacting and go on the offensive.  Payroll withholding is a good thing. It means there is zero reason for DH to have contact with BM over money.  "The money is withheld and with the State.  You will receive it from them. Learn to live within your means.  I am not your beck and call ATM."   Lather, rinse, repeat.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

She doesn't sound like a b***h, she sounds like she may be following the court order. If the court order has CS calculated at a rate higher than he makes, it's your SO's responsibility to adjust downward. Additionally, if he owes extra money per the CO for daycare, heakthcare, ECAs, etc then he owes the extra money. BM holding him to the CO isn't a b***h move; it's what we tell people to do all the time. 

Now, if she is asking for anything above and beyond what's in the CO, he is entitled to say no. However, if he was underpaying his CS for the last few months/years by giving her a check for less than his COed CS, he put himself in a bad spot. She can take him back to court with all those checks and he could be held to paying arrears on the difference between the check and COed CS. I'm not saying he should give in to her demands for money over what is COed, but he likely needs to speak to an attorney to find out best course of action.

Does it say it there? 

Does she have legit receipts?

Is the medical care in network? 

If he's been paying for the extras all along it could be ordered to continue since it's considered the "status quo."  If he is ordered to pay for them in the CO, then yes he needs to keep paying.  Why did his income change? Was it voluntary?  He can ask for a CS review but there is no guarantee that it will be reduced, in fact, he may be ordered to pay more.  Lawyers and playing in family court are very expensive, much more than any difference in CS would be.  

About garnishment for extras; most likely it would be withheld from his tax returns after his arrears reached a certain amount. His license could be suspended and passports as well.  

You married a guy with baggage and responsibility. Kids are expensive. Just wondering what exactly you expected?  

It is absolutely imperritive in the interest of protecting themselves, for an NCP to know their CO backwards, forwards, inside out and upside down and to NOT contribute beyond what is COd.

Doing so is a huge risk and even in reasonable and respectful NCP/CP relationships things can go wrong and any even magnanimous and well intentioned extras can be leveraged as a precident by a newly irate CP.

Any supplemental contribution for anything not COd needs to be made directly to a ventor or service and not to the CP. Or better yet, be in the form of a gift directly given to the kid cutting the CP completely out of the process.  Joint parties, nope. You do your party for the kid, I'll do mine.  Joint gifts... ditto.  etc..etc...etc...

A good friend and former colleague of mine got screwed by overpaying CS for years because he wanted his son to enjoy the benefits of his advancing career.  For no other reason that he is a good guy.  Eventually his XW bent him over without even a polite reach around when he remarried and had a child with his then new wife who has now been his wife for 22+ years.  

He stopped paying the extras.  He kept answering his XW's rants about money with.... "I pay what the CO says for me to pay. I am no longer supplementing your life style."  

Because he had payed far above and beyond for a decade or more his XW took him to court and his history of generosity and over payment bit him in the ass and became the new baseline.  Interestingly... his XW would still demand extras which he refused to pay from then on.  He was no longer her ATM after she got shitty about it.  When she would cry that their son was going without, he would point out her new car, vacations, etc... and would tell her to get a second job and quit denying their son.  Interestingly... when he put his foot down his son started coming more frequently for visitation .... most likely because mama no longer had the means to spoil him and his dad did.

 I have paid child support (court order in place) for my daughter for the past 15 years. She lived in Cali with her mom since birth.

My daughter decided to come to Chicaho to live with me in 2018. The mother stopped the child support payments that were taken from my pay checks.

However she hasn't given me a dime! Can I request that she pay me child support for the past three years that I have had my daughter with me? 

Good on her for having it taken directly out of his check! Thats one less hassle for him!

All he has to do is say "Please use the funds provided to you through the child support payment for any extra you would need" whenever she asks but he probably wont because he loves paying more "for his kids"

Dont be offended, thats just how they are