Is this enough for supervised visits?
Forums:
I posted a few weeks ago about SS not wanting to go to his visits with BM because he is scared. Well this was BM's weekend and when we got him back he told DH and I about all the horrible things that went on this weekend. SS got shampoo squeezed down his throat because he told BM I was his mom, he got shoved into a wall and kicked repeatedly by BM's boyfriend and BM's boyfriend threw a beer bottle at BM's head. This is nothing new. This type of stuff happens every weekend he is with her but it's getting worse and worse. And as SS gets older the more he's refusing to go. DH doesn't know what else he can do. He can't go against the court order and CPS is her state is useless. Is this enough for supervised visits?
FFS. Do you seriously need to
FFS. Do you seriously need to ask this question? You should be on the phone with the cops. NOW. Not tomorrow or whenever you/DH decide that assaulting a child is horrible enough to warrant intervention.
CPS may suck in your state. That may be true and it may be a blind excuse. Guess what? You call, you call, you re-call, you speak with social workers, you speak with GALS, you call the courts, you make yourself a bloody nuisance until your case floats to the top.
Shame on both of you for condoning (allowing) a child to be abused.
BTW: Your DH CAN GO AGAINST
BTW: Your DH CAN GO AGAINST A COURT ORDER if his child is in constant physical threat and facing immediate harm.
I have no idea where you are getting your misplaced, pacifistic, "oh, we tried" attitude. DH has not tried. You have not tried. If you tried once or twice ... or meant to take the boy to the doctor but were too busy .. or meant to take photos but your phone broke and no one you know has a cellphone (sarcasm)...
Do you have an order of protection for the child?
I would not worry about supervised visits with BM ... I would be worried about the courts taking custody of the child away from your DH.
There is a pattern of escalating violence and you offer excuses. Shame on you.
Did you call the police about
Did you call the police about the kicking? Surely there are bruises. Did you take him to the doctor? They are mandated reporters. I know you have not had much response from the authorities in the past - but you need to report every incident of violence every time.
Take pictures of him before he goes to visit. Take pictures of the bruises and cuts that he has when he comes back. Raise hell with the authorities until you get this child some help.
In your previous post you said other fathers of her other children had also called the authorities. Why don't you get with them and report in an organized way? It would be harder for the authorities to ignore the situation if more than one person is reporting it.
I know the general thought is that kids should see the NCP no matter what. But if this was my child, and I knew for sure the violence was happening, I wouldn't send him.
You don't tell BM ss said
You don't tell BM ss said anything. You ask why the child has bruises on him. do iout in text so she answers the same way.
Take ss to dr for routine check but let the dr office know what you suspect. Let them call dhs.
If you think this child is getting abused Don't Send Him! Force her to file charges of contempt.
He can't go against the court
He can't go against the court order
Of course, he can go against the court order (people do it ALL of the time) and if BM is truly abusing the child, it would not be in her best interest for her to charge your DH with contempt. And if she did, then your DH would have his day in court.
Gotta start somewhere and if nothing else is working, you bet your sweet ass I would deny visitation if that's what it took for someone to take notice.
You DID do the right thing.
You DID do the right thing. Anybody who knowingly sends their child into an abusive situation, well, I have no words.
Monkeyskids---BRAVO!!!!
Monkeyskids---BRAVO!!!!
I just wanted to give an
I just wanted to give an update to everyone who took the time to comment. DH and I made the decision to withhold SS from BM until we go back to court. We contacted our attorney and will be filing for a modification. SS' therapist has agreed to testify on our behalf.
The reason why I came on here to ask the question was because we have gone through this before. We document everything with pictures, recordings, doctor's visits, and etc. Which was a big part of why DH was awarded primary custody in the first place. We call CPS and the police who do absolutely nothing. We have withheld him from her previously but when the CPS and police investigations come back unfounded we were advised to allow visitations again. At that time our attorney did not believe we had enough evidence to file for a modification, but now we do. SS' therapist is going to play a big part in the upcoming hearing.
Glad to hear a solid
Glad to hear a solid follow-up on your situation. I was less than polite when I first responded to you. I thought of apologizing a bit ago, but realized that I was apologizing for potential hurt feelings. The child was still at real risk.
Escalate. That is the best that I can offer. If you document, photograph, keep emails and texts printed out in anticipation of phone failure, hire the best attorney you can afford. Drive the case up, even if it means that DH has to incure a slap on the wrist for withholding pending more investigation.
Not all towns/police are the same and their sense of enforcement may sometimes be cultural. I used to work at a bank in small town Texas. An ordinance was passed that no farm animals were allowed within city limits. Personally, I think the Mayor had troubles with the man who walked his two goats on a leash twice daily, eating barr-ditch grass. Anyway, one day the Mayor's backyard 300 lb city pig got loose, ran down the main street in front of the bank and the cops were dispatched to catch: "RuthAnne's pig." Your police may not perceive a crime when it is presented. Or, perhaps, they are refusing to follow-through with complaints because of other factors/prejudices.
Over several states that we've lived, I've seen CPS/police do great & then not so much. In my experience, the more factual, documented, photographed, print-out email/text and the less Dr. Phil armchair psychologist, have been successful.
Gather that evidence.
Active physical threat: get the kid out. Keep the kid out. Gather your resources.
I think you made the right
I think you made the right decision. Sounds like you have a great therapist. Hope it all goes well.
Time to call CPS on BM and
Time to call CPS on BM and her BF. Next time the Skid comes back from visitation with tales of chemical poisoning and BF kicking him take him to the Doc for an exam. When the bruises from kicking and throat irritation from shampoo poisoning attempts are found the Doc will have no choice but to engage CPS on the kids behalf.
Why your DH tolerated his X and her BF torturing his child for this long boggles my mind.
I understand how frustrating the system can be when confronting a toxic, neglectful, or abusive blended family opposition. But you and DH can't give up. It is great that you and DH are re-engaging court to get this dealt with.
Good for you.