FAmily court really does favor the BM --- cross post with my blog
DH and BM had a court date today. DH has primary custody of SS and BM has EOWe and two weeks on/off during the summer which works out to her having 23% custody.
The court was full of people with cases through the department of child support services. They called BM and DH into an office to review the recommendation. The case worker assumed BM was the custodial parent and that she had the RO against DH ...even though it was the other way around. DH is not currenlty working and is staying home taking care of our baby and our other 4 children. BM works 5 hours a week. The recommendation from the child support lawyer was that they impute DH for minimum wage income and that HE pay BM money for child support.
WTF!!!!
Today's hearing was just to establish paternity. The caseworker and lawyer suggested he drop it to ensure he did not have to pay BM anything.
DH was LIVID and said things to the caseworker like,
"if I was the woman, they'd make an order for her to find work"
"she's a lazy deadbeat mom and I'm only NOW asking for help after 9 years"
BM said to DH,
"You think YOU have it bad. I just got out of a bad relationship where my BF through me out of a car and I have to file for my OWN restraining order"
DH was like, "WTF ... and you want to bring my child into that kind of environtment?"
BM also said, "well, your wife makes lots of money... I'm going to tell them that you put SS in private school...why are you always abusing me?... why can't WE get along like step off does with her ex? ... I won't take SS to football this summer, you'll have to file for a change in custody of you'd like him to go."
DH is angry.
We give up. I told DH not to bother with a change in custody for summer. SS has NO idea what is involved with HS football. He told his mom last summer that he didn't want to play "tackle" football when we told him we'd put him in pop warner... after he begged us and the judge ordered all parties to support him.
BM can play the victim. SS will need to learn that that is his mother and that she's not willing to provide for him.
Dh said, "well, he can do boy scouts and Xyz". I said, "No, we're not enrolling him in anythign else that his mother wont' be taking him to. She's not helping with the money and he's going to have to realize that he has TWO parents and only one is willing to provide and that will make a difference in his life."
SS just turned 14. Several of
SS just turned 14.
Several of my recent blogs also recount BM's recent breakdowns - in addition to her saturday night text to DH stating he was a good dad, she didn't want to fight, she'd give him full custody, she was homeless.
sure, DH could fight for more custody, but SS will resent him. SS feels sorry for BM, even when she calls drunk and he knows she's drunk.
It's a mess.
I don't want to keep fighting. It's my money, time and resources that goes into the fight. There's nothing to "gain" financially from fighting her. And DH doesn't want to take time away from BM as he enjoys finally having BM in SS's life and appreciates a break after being the sole care taker since he was 5 years old... it's also enjoys having BM HAVE to take the responsibility for SS even if it is only for those 4 days. I get it. I wouldn't do it if it were my child, I'd fight, but then again, i'm a woman and the courts are clearly in my favor.
BM just shows up, strung out and plays the poor me card... or the "you have $$" card.
Again, you can't get money from someone who has none.
Oh and sure we could appeal.
Oh and sure we could appeal. The Case Worker said it could go the other way and that she could pay him $30 a month. BM said she was fine with that.
nice.
But... DH would need to file a motion for support.
you need a better lawyer. If
you need a better lawyer. If your husband has custody of the child (more than 50%) then he should be at the receiving end of child support. I agree with the not enrolling if she's not taking bit. I already know my future will be similar to this almost to the letter and I will say the same thing. No point in throwing money away when you can just save it and take him to the movies or something on yalls time or pay for an activity that he wants during the Fall. Hopefully one day your BM (and mine) will understand that they aren't taking from us or our DHs but from the kids they claim to love so much.
This was all done without a
This was all done without a lawyer. He was told that he should open a case with the department of child support services... that it would be cut and dry.
nope.
And what's the use of putting out money for a lawyer? So she can pay $30 a month?
Let's see... four years of $30 per month will work out to $4320... a lawyer will cost more than that plus the time plus the headache.
nope.
Yes. I told dh that is is
Yes. I told dh that is is time for ss to learn that he has a mom and a dad. And if mom and dad don't agree, the answer will be no.
If my kids want to do something, and the ex doesn't want to pay or take them and I'm not able to pick up the slack then that's the end of the story. It's a no go. If me and dh don't agree on something for dd, it will be a no go.
I'm tired of doing more for ss because his pos mom does nothing.